Hey everyone,
I'm gonna need a long preamble here to fully explain my situation and make an earnest, last-ditch request for help. TLDR at the bottom.
I've taken SSRIs (literally every one that exists at months-long minimum for the one I took least--I'm talking Paxil, zoloft, prozac, celexa, lexapro, viibryd, etc.--cumulatively for too many years and almost never any time off in over a decade and through formative years), other psych meds (all for resistant anxiety/depression), done TMS (transcranial magnetic stimulation), ketamine infustions, taken finasteride in oral and topical forms for a cumulative year (topical definitely still goes systemic to a degree), used topical retinoids, and gotten COVID. COVID, accutane (I did not use accutane, but topical retinoic acid--can it cause issues like post-accutane syndrome in susceptible individuals since it's a retinoid? I don't know, but who does?), finasteride, and SSRIs are known to contribute to a similar network of symptoms in rare cases--low libido, cognitive issues, anhedonia, sexual dysfunctions of varying type and severity, sleep disturbances, and more. I have severe ED that doesn't respond to PDE5 inhibitors at a relatively young age with no other determinable causes, diminished orgasm quality, likely reduced sensitivity but it's been so long with these symptoms I don't know what normalcy in that department is (I can do as I like with my dick, it's not that thrilling and I can take it or leave it at any point during an attempt at masturbation--there is no mystical point of no return until orgasm as it's...lackluster), sometimes can't orgasm at all, complete and utter anhedonia, immense trouble sleeping, basically zero emotion except for fear and aggravation, etc.

I can't say what caused what, but SSRIs are the most likely culprit the way I've been through them, and things dipped a bit after getting and recovering from covid. They also dipped sharply after SSRI discontinuation, but the symptoms were already there on SSRIs. Doctors are dismissive and inattentive in any specialty (i've been to many at this point) once basic first-line interventions are tried, and I've self-experimented with relatively safe options and supplements besides more severe AAS. I'm healthy on paper to any medical professional. Healthy dieting, fitness, and the passing of time with a can-do attitude while living on zero RXs of any kind has offered positively nothing.

The only improvement I saw, and it was fleeting and insufficient overall, was TRT + HCG. But it gave me a glimmer of hope nothing else has. I've let E2 ride high and lowered it drastically, and everything in-between with arimidex: no dice. I've dabbled in proviron from various sources and it's offered nothing positive, unfortunately. I've played with dosages until reaching low e2 symptoms. I did notice a surge of libido from dianabol after a few days, which quickly died out after likely the methyl-E2 from it flew too high, and blood pressure + RHR felt unstable + anxiety. I know it isn't entirely safe, but I do know people can live relatively long lives blasting and cruising with numerous compounds while enjoying heightened sex drive and function, mentality, etc. I don't want to blast grams of compounds or develop an incredible physique. Like that'd be nice, who doesn't want that, but it's not my priority. But I do know I'm gonna need something besides testosterone and hcg to find my way, if it exists at all. Does anyone have any recommendations for an unconventional cruise? My thoughts trend towards trestolone with test and maybe masteron?

TLDR--I've got sexual and mental dysfunctions induced by medications that lower my quality of life to an extent I don't and can't approve of tolerating without trying every last avenue of possible improvement. I'm gonna need a cruise stronger than TRT + or - HCG.

Thank you so much in advance for any guidance at all. And I'm no longer on any of the causative medications.