posted Mon, 09/24/2012 - 06:50
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How many of y'all had "the talk of how many partners you been with" type convo with the girl friend?
I had it with ny gf at the time, now we are married. been together for years but now think I don't believe what she told me and don't really trust her because of it.
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AnonI think what your asking is a perfectly normal question that most guys have. Im still not sure we want to hear the answer but we still ask. Jealousy is fine as long as you keep it in check. In fact my wife complained once that I wasnt jealous enough, made her feel like I didnt give a shit.
Now if its for embarasment sake that you dont want anyone you know having been there, then perhaps you should look at it as if they were there they didnt do it good enough to keep her coming back.
Now I dont know how many guys we're talking about, but if you take it to the extreme of her being a virgin, then that to me would make her less apealing. A woman that understands her own sexuality is going to rock your world , whereas a woman who has no experience is very unlikely to end up giving you those nights where you feel like a porn star. So try to think of it that way too, that little or no experience isnt that great either.
I feel the same. my girl went from SUPER jealous to trusting me. when she did I was like wtf you don't like me any more lol
the main thing is that I didn't care if she had sex n I knew about it. but its like if a dude says it n I didn't know I would feel stupid. You understand?
also now its like ok so you lied about like 4 dudes. who else you lie about?
Idk if its true or not its what I've sort of "heard" n her fraction to it wasn't one for me to believe
AnonOh believe me I get it, I understand Im just saying thinking of it from a different angle may help what you cant change.
A little jealousy is one thing but feeling it all the time will eat you up and the relationship too. Speaking from my own experience some girls made me very jealous, I never felt right , but the one I stuck with does not make me feel that way.
Sorry but its not all you, and or something you need to "learn or get over". The right partner will make you feel secure.
Used to feel that way!!! Now Im married, 2 kids, I feel I need to get over it fir the sake of everybody buy it really is eating me. I also feel guilty I don't look at her the same n don't want to be with her if we didn't have kids or were married. I did tell her I was miserable though
AnonAnd this is all due to you finding out she had a wilder past ?
Id say theres more going on here.
Well that's a big part of it. also she just hasn't been the same for a long long time. she blamed it on this b/c she was on. Im like I understand. But I just feel something has been missing for a long time. little things here and there of her changing, losing the things I full in love with her about. so that plus this, its like ok Im not happy, now Im embarrassed too. n mad you lied. although she has said she isn't lying more than once. swore on the kids, the whole 9. so its like...so maybe she wrote what she WANTED to happen? Or something. its like idk what to believe. n if its the truth then how could you lie to my face more than once n be so good at it. what else you lying about? Cheating on me? You feel me?
AnonI feel you going down a dark spiral and Im sorry. Marriage deffinitely has its ups and downs and I am very sad to say there have been times when I felt incredibly alone. These however pass unless you choose to keep them and feed off of them.
No one likes to be made a fool, but for the moment and without further cause perhaps its time to reign in your fears and suspicions.
What did you do when you felt like that? N what do you mean reign in?
AnonI rode it out and it passed. I still get twinges of it but thats life, its not going to be perfect all the time, in fact its a god damn struggle most of the time. If you do let the struggle get to you though you will want to give up and that wont feel good either.
That's what Im trying to do but its not really working. been in my head everyday for about 3 weeks. I don't even want to fuck her to be honest. Im just disgusted in her that she would lie to my face
I would rather not have that convo with the ladies
Totally agree. Everybody has sex. Nothing good can ever come of it.
AGREED I regret most of the ones I did
You'll never actually trust a woman. You'll lie to yourself and say you do. Or lie to her and say you do. But you'll always have doubts. And wonder.
Lol and x2 on tren
And if you see something like a text randomly from an ex god bless everyone around you...
Ok just making sure Im not the only one who doesn't trust my wife for shit pretty much lmao
You know my inbox is always open for you bud. I don't think they're gonna ban me for a bit this time I'm being on my bestest
Anonwait a sec, here you say wife, but in the opener you say GF. How far commited is this relationship ?
Bingo! Married in august. Wife, 2 kids
when I was in pct I was straight bugging. Started seeing a therapist, Dr gave me anti depressants, n xanax. didn't really mess with either med though. world was crashing on ne HARd not just cus pct
I am seriously trying to better myself
they got married in august if I recall correctly. They were having probs prior to that along the same lines ....;-s
They got married not too long ago.
CleyonI understand that feeling, but you can't let that make you sketchy. If she's doing something now that is questionable, then that's a different story. I had that conversation with my current wife, and felt like a man whore afterwards.
I told her my biz n she didn't want to hear it after I told her. I know what you mean about not letting it get to you, but its hard. !!! Its like wtf people I run into I feel like I can't even feel confident/happy saying Im with her because I think she fuck them before. you get what I mean?
ya its in the past, but what Bout the saying, can't turn a hoe into a house wife. I'm a firm believer that the the past is the future. so its like you did this slut shit before, how can I trust you now
so why did you wait til you got married to have this discussion if it was that important to you.. I m quite confused as to why you got married at all especially talking like this. I can tell you if there is no trust there is no marriage.
X2, trust is everything. For me that's one of the best things about my wife, I do trust her implicitly. Hell, if she is going to do something, she'll do it whether I'm worrying about it or not.
Time can be a great healer Pelon. No good really ever comes out of the how many partners have you had conversation. Just consider why she lied to you, (I'm guessing she reduced the numbers). Sounds like she may have lied to stop you feeling the way you do now? Not defending her, but I guess a LOT of women would do that In this scenario. Male pride makes it difficult to swallow hearing she's had a lot of sexual partners before you.
Talk to her. If you can't talk it out just the 2 of you, then involve a counsellor / marriage guidance etc.
Hope it improves for you buddy.
That's the problem, we DID have that convo. she actually asked me!! She told me "all of them" well THEN years later while unpacking moving into the house we live in I see a stack of books while unpacking of course put them on the bookshelf but its just like not books so I open em up n see its her diary from high school days, like 10 years ago. read a paragraph n says dude name she had sex with. so Im like who this dude? Wd got into a big fight n she said she would make shit up to make her mom mad cus her mom would snoop. n also she would use dif names so nobody would know. Im like oh ok.
THEN she takes all the books/diaries away n throws them away somewhere idk where she drove.
THEN while unpacking I see a list of shit she regret, dude name on there, as well as a few others, ALSO dude she said it really easy about was on there too. Im like wtf. so its like idk what to believe...at all. now its REAL REAL hard to trust her or believe anything she tell me especially about past dude
amen, preach on sister grrrl.
I hear you and in fact that is exactly what I would think. But also if I start thinking pragmatically, I realize that how can you turn a man-whore into a husband. I did so much shit that I regret, if this logic is true about women it could be just as true about us not being different in the future.
CleyonI feel you on that, it would be tough talking with a buddy and he pops up with "does she still like..." I'd lose my mind over that type of thing. However if you she wasn't a real ho, then there shouldn't be too much to worry about. If she's been a real naughty girl, then well... I have no advice to give.
Problem is, is if she lied about one, how can I trust her about others
The rule of three or really is true with girls. Take the number they say and multiply it by three or four
Ya I know man. its a damn shame. I wouldn't care if she was honest with me. but its like, why lie
She would lie because she doesn't want you to think less of her. Sometimes looking at why people do what they do in their motives can give you more peace than thinking she is maliciously trying to fool you. Just my .02.
Agree 100%
I do want to understand why she would but how do you ask that. I can imagine why but to lie after I possibly caught you in a lie is even more disappointing. a nice sorry I did lie I didn't want you to think less of me would be appropriate. not no I already told you who I been with there is nothing to talk about and Im done talking about it
I agree completely justifying yourself after you get found out makes the wound bigger. But you could be stronger in the way you think while she hasn't caught up yet to see how it would please you just to be honest. At least now she is seeing your character and what you want from her. How she responds will determine your level of forgiveness. Shit I think I just turned into Dear Abby!lmao
Idk. I just would want the whole truth!!!!
What is the point of ever having that conversation?
I like to know what Im getting myself into. It was the beginning of the relationship that we took serious. We were messing around since high school off n on. also who wants to married or even be with a chick that fuck all their friends? Feel me? To me its embarrassing if I were to tell someone like ya Im dating so n so n they're like,uum she a hoe. Or even worse ya I used to fuck her too
I stopped taking a chick serious after she fuck my friend who is also our dads are friends. wasn't a dating thing just sex which is worse to me.
hey ya my son getting married!
congrats to who??
Her name
oh ya? Name sounds familiar I think my son fucked her a couple of times
lol naw man couldn't be me
If anything its more the friend to blame. Some girls are just slags that's how it is but it takes a real cunt to go with a mates girl... i would get better friends buddy
I wish I was born across the pond :/
Not while she was with me!! We never really dated n I couldn't take her serious after that
i dont care if you met her first and your mate knew you liked her youve got mates rights.
I didn't like her at the time. we were all friends. years later she gained emotional connection to me and I gained em for her but because of her past I didn't let myself