posted Mon, 08/21/2023 - 00:53
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Question For Fathers
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As many members here know, I’m a proud father of 2 boys. 9 and 4, they’re very different children. I will be the first one to admit, I had many expectations on how certain situations would play out regarding my career, relationship with my wife and goals. It’s safe to say, somewhat was expecting status quo on my end but I soon found out, I had to make several adjustments focusing on what’s solely beneficial for wife and kids. In my situation, it was the ultimate sacrifice for both my wife and I in a sense of our hobbies and career pursuits to benefit our children. I took a huge paycut with lack of overtime to be more present. I understand the sacrifice and realize many other parents are unwilling to make the commitment to do what’s beneficial for their children and I believe that’s why society is in the state that it’s in.
We’re not iPad parents either as we’re very active with our children but it’s gotten to the point they really don’t know how to entertain themselves unless we’re engaging. It’s fine that’s what parents are for. My oldest is a 40 y/o man more mature than my wife and I in many ways but my little guy is absolutely malicious since day one. He’s devious, cunning and mischievous to the point he tricks me on a daily basis to either put himself or his brother in danger. My question is, how do you discipline your kids? Of course it depends on the severity of the situation but if I tell you, he’s cost me 1000s already in damaging appliances or furniture, has stabbed me with scissors and almost Decapitated just this week. Logic or talking doesn’t work, he gets scared when I yell at him but there are times I have to intimidate the shit out of him because this kid has no fear in anything. I would already consider military school because I know he’s active and needs discipline and structure. What are some ways fathers discipline their kids and what’s taking it too far?
Thank you for your time
Simon
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Congratulations on being a dad. I know that it is quite difficult being parents nowadays, especially with what is happening now.
I really don't know what to tell you. I do believe in spanking and did spank our kids on occasion but that one of yours may require professional assistance. Maybe he will outgrow it too, but my mind goes to the same places that I have no doubt yours is going and I think the worst thing you could do is hope you can "wait it out". Good luck brother
Yo, congrats being a dad it really is something special isn't it.
Well here's my take, it's pretty cut and dry
You can see it either way, there is a fine line or very big difference between punishment and discipline. Punishment being the child is sent to the corner of the classroom etc and discipline being, that the time is taken to teach the child what they did wrong and how to do things right and not repeat the same mistakes
Something interesting in the News I just read - it's actually now illegal to smack a child over here in Scotland and Wales!! Only the English are still allowed to do it but they are trying to now get the law changed in Parliament to make it illegal.
My eldest was very similar when he was younger. He cost me a lot of money for a few years. Let's just say me being in MMA and he saw me beat the brakes off a guy scared the absolute shit out of him lol. I had an encounter with a guy in a parking lot once. My car was parked and this guy hit my car. I said what the fuck to the guy. The guy got out and got in my face like it was my fault. I told my son to get back as dad has business to handle. Gave the guy a good ground and pound. My son never really saw me fight fight before, only train. He didn't know what to think after that, he was about 8 years old. I jokingly said that's why you don't do bad things and he got bug eyed and looked straight ahead lol. I only had to whoop his ass a few times but he learned quick that maybe he shouldn't do those things anymore. It took him a few years but he grew out of it. Now he's in his teens and much better.
Priceless life lesson for your son.....don't start shit, won't be shit, but I'll be there to finish if needed lol.
He probably needs different attention then the other one, but your giving them both the same? I obviously don't know how you treat them but that would be my guess. If the straight up hardcore discipline doesn't work, maybe try getting on his level and just showing more love, maybe h es acting out for more attention, so give him so much attention he cant stand it lol. read books, color together just smother him and see if that helps. the fact your even writing this shows your ten times the father most men today are, keep it up, its not easy but its necessary. Fathers are building tomorrows world almost single handedly
Thank you bro. I’m his jester, his friend and father. I’m also more of his nurturer more so than his mother, not that she doesn’t give him love or affection, we just have a different connection. I appreciate the advice, I’m not as hard on him as I sound, only in severe cases.
I’m a parent myself bro, I have a child that needed some attention while younger, hyperactivity. Bothered his mother more so than myself, but he was having troubles in school and socializing as well. His mother and I had broken up, but after time, medication, and counseling everything worked out just fine, there’s no shame in seeking the help of a mental health professional. In your case I 100% would urge this.? 4 is a young age to pick up a weapon to inflict harm, especially something sharp. I’ll assume you’re in the US, in these past few years they’re holding parents more accountable for their child’s actions, if he had a disagreement in school with another student and scissors or a pencil, etc, would up in another child’s eye you’d be looking at a very serious problem. I hope it all works out for you, again there’s no shame in it.
This is such a challenging issue. Fear is only a good motivator when the thing that causes the fear is present (you, in this case). If you use fear exclusively, when you’re not around, he’ll continue the deviant behavior. Children are impossibly complex, but I find that trying to summon some patience and redirect them, on a consistent basis has worked for my daughter. She was unreachable, we changed schools many times, eventually was put in a mental health ward for a month & didn’t seem to respond to anything I did, but it took time and consistency, all blanketed in kindness & gentle love, letting her know that I love her regardless of her behavior for her to begin to even out. That being said, 4 is such a difficult age - so much energy to contend with. I have a nephew about that age that sounds VERY similar; and believe it or not, changing his diet to cleaner more natural food and constant positive interaction has done wonders. He still requires much attention, but their lives are all better for it. It is amazing that you’re putting so much effort into your family, it is pretty easy to just get angry all the time instead of find what works for him. I’m confident that you’ll find the thing that works. I have great faith in love & familial loyalty.
It’s such a difficult ride, and all kids are different. There could be something in his diet that is making him act out. Then there’s always the possibility of mental health issues that are hard to diagnose. I’ve also heard of gluten playing a major role in behavioral issues. Sugar is another culprit. When it comes to disciplining children, I don’t believe in hitting, but I do believe in scolding. If the scolding isn’t working
, then you need to punish them by taking away things that seem to be very important to them. If they completely freak out and throw tantrums when punished, it’s time to seek professional help, and possibly medication. No body wants to medicate their kids, but you’ll wish you did once the hurt someone or does something that gets them in a lot of trouble. I’m really sorry that you are going through this. It’s good that you’re asking for help. None of us have all the answers, but our experiences may help you better understand yours. I’m leaving for work now, but will share some of the stuff we’ve experienced and how we dealt with it.
Great advice Jake and I appreciate everyone chipping in. My next trial is he’ll be starting school in a few weeks and we’ll see how he responds there. We’re considering seeing someone after this. A friend of ours who’s a behavioral psychologist claims he’s just hyperactive and displays an extremely high level of intelligence to coordinate and execute his plan. He’s very cunning and gets a kick out of putting us out of our element so she’s recommending sports, kids gymnastics or even martial arts. We’ll see but I’ll try everything I can and yes, I believe in scolding more so hitting is a very last resort.
If you ever watch the show vikings- my son is Ivar who doesn’t have physical disabilities. Ivar was a bad mother fucker.
Oh, I know Ivar the Boneless very well. One of my favorite shows. Definitely watch his sugar intake, and try to figure out where he is getting these tricky ideas from. Could be a friend, relative, video game, etc. To this day, I always send my kids off for the day with the same words. “ I love you, so don’t do dumb shit!. If you have to ask yourself if it’s dumb, it’s dumb, so don’t do it”
Yeah, like Ragnar both my children took extreme aspects of myself. I saw his personality when out of the womb and we locked eyes. I knew what he was from the first moment I saw him as well as my other son. I love them both dearly.
The 4 year old attacking you is a serious issue. Next level serial killer type of issues needing real help asap.
My brothers son hit 13 and turned schitzo. Genetic issue that appears like a flip of the switch. He was terrified of his own son and had to lock down his bedroom and house just to be safe from death really. Hard call was putting him into a mental health facility. Sorry sir but some things just get worse. I do believe in a good spank but this sounds like it would escalate things.
Bounty HunterGenetic issues.
He does have good in him though. He has a lot of love for me and is very jolly at times until he isn’t. Whatever it is, I’ll do what I can regardless if it is genetic or not. I have to try everything as a parent.
No doubts. Great Dad skills!
I'm confused. Two kids 9 and 4 the oldest is 40 and the four-year-old is stabbing you with scissors and almost decapitated what? The cat? Is his name Damion? Are you Catholic? Have you considered an Exorcism?
He almost decapitated himself by hanging his head out my window and attempting to close it.
*the window of my truck
Scared straight. Get him into a jail for a week so he knows what it’s like. I’m happy for my experience being locked up. It changed me for the better. Get him into lifting so it gets rid of the aggression. Not trying to be mean but tough love works.
Question for you about this... what does he eat and how often?
His diet is absolute shit. He used to eat everything until he got Covid then it was never the same abyss that. High sugar and processed but he does eat fruit.
There it is.... tell him that you lost a bunch of money and the whole fam has to go on a low carb intermittent fasting diet. That will calm him down.
I would imagine that with naughty children its a case of taking something away from them that matters a lot to them if they do something they know they are not suppose to do, like a favourite toy or food. I cannot think that much else would get through to them. I use to get a good smack on the arse and screamed at when I did something bad, that always worked lol
Funny, I posted this up on Reddit not too long ago saying I believe in old school discipline and if I have to, I give them the old whack. I was attacked left and right being called an abusive parents and how my kids will amount to shit because I’m a worthless parent. Woah, so I suppose many parents don’t believe in disciplining physically? Both my wife and I come from foreign backgrounds and that’s how we’ve been brought up, now these parents pacify their kids as if they’re pussy whipped. Press, you know what matters to him a lot ? Me. I’m his outlet for joy and fun. I usually tell him I have to go to work and he stops but he’s just wreckless at times and the only time I lose my shit is when he puts himself or his brother in Danger. I believe in a whack on the ass or hand.
Whilst I don’t hit mine, like most of my generation my parents used to give me a whack when I stepped out of line. Didn’t do me any harm. Can’t do anything now days without people telling you how they know better…..
I never had to hit or yell at my oldest. Yelling is more effective but sometimes I do a good grab and yell combo. By no means do I feel good about this but how else do I put fear into him ?
JasonmcsherryReddit is a full blown liberal cesspool full of crybabies with low I.Q's.
Hippies mate. Nobody likes hippies…..
Hippies… not to be confused with dead heads… Different people.
Yeah, I’ll never mess with that site again. Fucking shit show
Thing is with kids that are generally naughty or mischievous like I was as a child is one thing always works with them - FEAR!! LOL So if a kid fears being smacked as you should do, then its a deterrent. That's why that kind of discipline worked, just like the cane at school which I also had, had the soap bar in the mouth too. Just telling a child off isn't enough if they are that way inclined I'm afraid. It will make you a more authoritive figure in his eyes too that demands respect.