Look before you leap. Don't make a decision based on momentary anger. Sounds like you know your weaknesses, and that you have a good handle on how you need to improve. Honestly, I don't take well to being berated by anyone, and have burned a few bridges in my day because I couldn't follow the advice I just gave you.
Despite his horrible choice of football teams, Redskins has it right, and gives a good model to follow.
Brother take this advice from someone who is kinda in the same boat. I too work for family, have worked for this family member for the past ten years. Was promised all sorts of shit when I went to work given I learned and took on certain responsibilities. Well I held up my end of the barging and my pay did jump up but the extras like commisions and percentages of weekend sales when I'm on call never happened. I am now keeping my mouth shut and taking my time to find the perfect job. Working for family is always a tough gig, but I feel that you always get screwed in the long run. So keep quiet about how pissed you are and start your job search.
Yep, when I was told there would be none of the things I was promised by my family member, he told me sorry, that's just business....things change. So when I finally find the job I want and turn my 2 weeks in that'll be my response.....sorry, its just business, check your feelings at the door. You gotta do what's best for you and you're future. Working for family is tough even under good conditions. You know what they say....."closer to kin, deeper in"
Its hard to not be pissed off when you are off the clock. I've always heard to "not bring your work home" but anger doesn't have a switch. This douche-bag doesn't need to be talking to anyone like that. I would start with a meeting and remind him of the things he said and ask him to refrain from further insults
You seem like a smart guy. Trust me on this, what ever decision you make you will be able to live with (Unless you cripple or kill the guy).
Thanks destruct. I've addressed the way he approaches me multiple times with no change so the best thing I think is to save up and leave/find a new job. I know that going after him will only bring problems but it would feel so good
Man I feel your pain. When I got out of college in 2000 I was offered a job from a friend of mine. They knew my character so they offered me a really good wage. I enjoyed working at his company but fast forward to 2003 my brother comes to me offering a job and a significant pay increase. He had started a new custom home building company in a upper income area and business was booming for him. In the back off my head I was screaming NO don't do it. My brother and I have two completely different personalities. Well money talks and I joined. I worked with him from 2003 all the way to 2008 moving my way up the ladder to the point where I was basically running his company. Those 5 years were a emotional wreck. I can't recall the how many times I was verbally abused from him and his partner. There was at least 3 times where we almost fought. I was like you I had pinned myself in a corner financially and didn't know what to do. Well the straw that broke the camels back was when the economy tanked and they decided to cut my pay and insurance coverage 1 month after the birth of my daughter. I remember driving home saying fuck it I'm done. I told myself that I was going to spend the next 4 months saving every penny. I figured if I could run his company for him I could do it for myself. I also figured if I could make it through the next few years during the worst economy of my life time then I would be ok. I walked in 4 months later and to their amazement I gave them my two weeks. I made sure the meeting was level headed and left on good terms. Fast forward to today..... Well how ironic is it that my brother is now wanting to partner up with me due to the collapse of his relationship with his partner and company. I am only a hand full of businesses that survived the recession. Not only did I survive I expanded. The choice/chance I took in 2008 is testament to the fact that you should never fear the unknown. You might fail, you might not, but you will never know unless you try!
I was in a similar situation. The best thing to do is look for another job, eat the bs while u do it. Cause then when u get a job, u can walk into the dude office and put in ur two weeks and fuck off the last two weeks. Hahaha an outburst would be the only thing that could make the situation worse. It might even be what the fuck face wants.
Your a better man than I am.I would have quit after the first or possibly second time that guy yelled at me.I had a job where the assistant manager was a dick.The second time he gave me shit,I clocked out and left.I told a couple fellow employees "this is the last time you'll see me working here."I never went back.
I dont think I entirely understand you, esp the part about family biz . But if you are being told at work that you could be replaced that is wrong, and if you are being berated that is wrong. I dont think thats what your asking though.
I guess Id ask you how easily could you get another job with the same income ? And if you dont know because you havent looked, then its time to take half a day off to check the job situation out.
After you know this you can decide whether their obvious personality flaws are ones you should quit over or not.
No Im not saying that. Im saying if I was thinking smart about my self and my family I would figure out what my options were before I did anything about my pride.
Now of course the thing you/we all would want to do is pop the fucking guy right in his nose, but thats not going to get you anywhere either.
Tell them you have a few Dr appointments and take a half day off for the next couple of Mondays, and feel out the job market.
IMO you should seek alternate employment. OR you could flip the fu*k out and see if that changes anything for you, but I'd still get outta Dodge either way. I'm in a fairly similar situation dude and I can tell you that I should've ran for the hills a long time ago because trust me, you don't want to paint yourself into a corner like I did. Now I have 2 young daughters, and a wife who stays home with the babies because what we'd be paying in daycare would outweigh what the wife could possibly bring in from a full-time job. I see no sense in paying a stranger to raise your kids for no monetary gain, let alone a loss. If you're young enough, have no kids yet, and a g/f or wife that works full time make that change now, before you end up like your ol' pal GoW here. Shit sucks, but you've got an option and chance to minimize damage before its too far gone. Advice from a dude who's been there. Best of luck in whatever you decide homeslice.
Family jobs are a bitch bro cause they think you owe them for being family. I' say you kep your job while you are working towards what you want to do in life and use these lessons to help you be better at the career you are pursuing. You will have bitchy customers there also who think they should have made more progress even though they were still eating bowls of ice cream every night and half assing through their training. Being in a managerial role gives you the responsibility to try to fix these things that you see are wrong with the company. But being that its family makes it tough cause nobody wants to hear what their doing isn't the best way. Just have to state facts and suggest alternatives, and do it in a whats best for the company manner. Good Luck!
thats a good point man and you are right about the owe them...cant tell you how many times ive heard all the shit ive done for you what ive afforded you. wish i would have never entered into it, never had a regret before but this is becomming one
Brother I'd say start looking for other jobs to replace yours. There are plenty of jobs in the $20 per hour range you just gotta look real hard, but I think where you live factors in too. Big cities are always easy to find jobs.
Anyways maybe try finding someone as an assistant to help you get caught up on work and start getting on people's cases for shit. If people are fucking up not showing up on time, not reporting their duties etc give them less hours and reward the better workers with a pay raise or something. My company does a 6 month evaluation so every 6 months if we are satisfied with their overall conduct and character they recieve a .10 or .25c pay raise every 6 months.
Sounds like you need to hire someone who is a hardass manager that rides people's asses and have them keep all you workers in check.
thanks for the advice...i dont have an option for an assistant b/c of the $ but gonna take your advice and start looking for another job. hopefully i wont explode before i find one. and the only person that talks shit is my boss, and its not shit talking he intentionally trys to get at me on a personal level.
Yeah best of luck to you my friend. Like I said stay strong work hard and don't let people criticize you. Sounds to me like your boss has a personality disorder OR is trying to drive you out. Either way learn to put up wit hhis bullshit. Example just agree with everything he says and the arguments will not get so bad. I have had narcissistic bosses that completely talk down on people especially the ones who are most crucial and do the hard work.
It's part of life and I notice many managers are narcissist because they like to have control and power. Lol the way I am built I do not tolerate being criticized and I always either get in a big argument or I just smile agree with them and be a dick behind their back lol. But that never helps all it does it make things worse in my experience. I learned to put myself in a position where I don't have people like that dragging me down. Hopefully you can do the same. Managers like that always drive people out and it is his fault the business is shit not yours. Hes the top head and if things arent running smooth ultimitely it is his fault he is the big dog. So situations like this are the manager is not keeping things in check and BLAMING YOU for all the problems rather than taking responsibility for their problems.
Like I said this sounds like typical borderline personality disorder. Blaming others for mistakes they make to make them feel worthy. Your boss is talking down on you saying things are going wrong because of you even though it's ultimately his responsibility. So just realize it and see its not your fault its his. Like you said if you could hire an assistant or something to help get caught up you would if you had the funds. But you dont and your manager should do something to help keep things in check, he is expecting you to work as multiple people because he is too lazy and greedy to hire more managers.
On a side note fuck those people who are talking shit. Don't listen to them just stay strong and overcome it. I have had times where i was mentally foggy and couldn't keep up with work. Maybe try taking a vacation with your family for a week and get your mind off of things. That might help you refresh your thoughts and start over when you come back with a clear head.
I know family is family. But buisness is buisness. When you are at work no person should be treated differently than another employee. Be fair, but be stern. If people are not doing their job or you feel they are slacking pull them aside and let them know. Give them shitty hours so they have to work late in the afternoon until they get their shit together. I know it's tough but you gotta keep business as business. Outside of work focus 100% on your family and don't let work take over your life.
CleyonLook before you leap. Don't make a decision based on momentary anger. Sounds like you know your weaknesses, and that you have a good handle on how you need to improve. Honestly, I don't take well to being berated by anyone, and have burned a few bridges in my day because I couldn't follow the advice I just gave you.
Despite his horrible choice of football teams, Redskins has it right, and gives a good model to follow.
ray3801Brother take this advice from someone who is kinda in the same boat. I too work for family, have worked for this family member for the past ten years. Was promised all sorts of shit when I went to work given I learned and took on certain responsibilities. Well I held up my end of the barging and my pay did jump up but the extras like commisions and percentages of weekend sales when I'm on call never happened. I am now keeping my mouth shut and taking my time to find the perfect job. Working for family is always a tough gig, but I feel that you always get screwed in the long run. So keep quiet about how pissed you are and start your job search.
so you are just laing low then gonna drop the bomb?
ray3801Yep, when I was told there would be none of the things I was promised by my family member, he told me sorry, that's just business....things change. So when I finally find the job I want and turn my 2 weeks in that'll be my response.....sorry, its just business, check your feelings at the door. You gotta do what's best for you and you're future. Working for family is tough even under good conditions. You know what they say....."closer to kin, deeper in"
AnonBro, us older guys have been there and it sucks!
Its hard to not be pissed off when you are off the clock. I've always heard to "not bring your work home" but anger doesn't have a switch. This douche-bag doesn't need to be talking to anyone like that. I would start with a meeting and remind him of the things he said and ask him to refrain from further insults
You seem like a smart guy. Trust me on this, what ever decision you make you will be able to live with (Unless you cripple or kill the guy).
May the Force be with you my brother!
Thanks destruct. I've addressed the way he approaches me multiple times with no change so the best thing I think is to save up and leave/find a new job. I know that going after him will only bring problems but it would feel so good
Sounds like you need work harder....bahaha kidding dude. Just start looking for another job as you suck it up and get by at this current one
Man I feel your pain. When I got out of college in 2000 I was offered a job from a friend of mine. They knew my character so they offered me a really good wage. I enjoyed working at his company but fast forward to 2003 my brother comes to me offering a job and a significant pay increase. He had started a new custom home building company in a upper income area and business was booming for him. In the back off my head I was screaming NO don't do it. My brother and I have two completely different personalities. Well money talks and I joined. I worked with him from 2003 all the way to 2008 moving my way up the ladder to the point where I was basically running his company. Those 5 years were a emotional wreck. I can't recall the how many times I was verbally abused from him and his partner. There was at least 3 times where we almost fought. I was like you I had pinned myself in a corner financially and didn't know what to do. Well the straw that broke the camels back was when the economy tanked and they decided to cut my pay and insurance coverage 1 month after the birth of my daughter. I remember driving home saying fuck it I'm done. I told myself that I was going to spend the next 4 months saving every penny. I figured if I could run his company for him I could do it for myself. I also figured if I could make it through the next few years during the worst economy of my life time then I would be ok. I walked in 4 months later and to their amazement I gave them my two weeks. I made sure the meeting was level headed and left on good terms. Fast forward to today..... Well how ironic is it that my brother is now wanting to partner up with me due to the collapse of his relationship with his partner and company. I am only a hand full of businesses that survived the recession. Not only did I survive I expanded. The choice/chance I took in 2008 is testament to the fact that you should never fear the unknown. You might fail, you might not, but you will never know unless you try!
im glad to hear your situation turned out well! thanks for the guidance
If you can deal with the bs and not let it get to you.. I would hang till you find something better..
once you do.. I would walk.
I was in a similar situation. The best thing to do is look for another job, eat the bs while u do it. Cause then when u get a job, u can walk into the dude office and put in ur two weeks and fuck off the last two weeks. Hahaha an outburst would be the only thing that could make the situation worse. It might even be what the fuck face wants.
Your a better man than I am.I would have quit after the first or possibly second time that guy yelled at me.I had a job where the assistant manager was a dick.The second time he gave me shit,I clocked out and left.I told a couple fellow employees "this is the last time you'll see me working here."I never went back.
AnonI dont think I entirely understand you, esp the part about family biz . But if you are being told at work that you could be replaced that is wrong, and if you are being berated that is wrong. I dont think thats what your asking though.
I guess Id ask you how easily could you get another job with the same income ? And if you dont know because you havent looked, then its time to take half a day off to check the job situation out.
After you know this you can decide whether their obvious personality flaws are ones you should quit over or not.
that really was what i was asking...so you are saying that you wouldnt stand for that no matter what the position is?
AnonNo Im not saying that. Im saying if I was thinking smart about my self and my family I would figure out what my options were before I did anything about my pride.
Now of course the thing you/we all would want to do is pop the fucking guy right in his nose, but thats not going to get you anywhere either.
Tell them you have a few Dr appointments and take a half day off for the next couple of Mondays, and feel out the job market.
good shit novice, started putting together my resume tonight
GearofWarIMO you should seek alternate employment. OR you could flip the fu*k out and see if that changes anything for you, but I'd still get outta Dodge either way. I'm in a fairly similar situation dude and I can tell you that I should've ran for the hills a long time ago because trust me, you don't want to paint yourself into a corner like I did. Now I have 2 young daughters, and a wife who stays home with the babies because what we'd be paying in daycare would outweigh what the wife could possibly bring in from a full-time job. I see no sense in paying a stranger to raise your kids for no monetary gain, let alone a loss. If you're young enough, have no kids yet, and a g/f or wife that works full time make that change now, before you end up like your ol' pal GoW here. Shit sucks, but you've got an option and chance to minimize damage before its too far gone. Advice from a dude who's been there. Best of luck in whatever you decide homeslice.
no kids yet. havnt finished my degree so that is kind of the only thing holding me back
Family jobs are a bitch bro cause they think you owe them for being family. I' say you kep your job while you are working towards what you want to do in life and use these lessons to help you be better at the career you are pursuing. You will have bitchy customers there also who think they should have made more progress even though they were still eating bowls of ice cream every night and half assing through their training. Being in a managerial role gives you the responsibility to try to fix these things that you see are wrong with the company. But being that its family makes it tough cause nobody wants to hear what their doing isn't the best way. Just have to state facts and suggest alternatives, and do it in a whats best for the company manner. Good Luck!
thats a good point man and you are right about the owe them...cant tell you how many times ive heard all the shit ive done for you what ive afforded you. wish i would have never entered into it, never had a regret before but this is becomming one
Brother I'd say start looking for other jobs to replace yours. There are plenty of jobs in the $20 per hour range you just gotta look real hard, but I think where you live factors in too. Big cities are always easy to find jobs.
Anyways maybe try finding someone as an assistant to help you get caught up on work and start getting on people's cases for shit. If people are fucking up not showing up on time, not reporting their duties etc give them less hours and reward the better workers with a pay raise or something. My company does a 6 month evaluation so every 6 months if we are satisfied with their overall conduct and character they recieve a .10 or .25c pay raise every 6 months.
Sounds like you need to hire someone who is a hardass manager that rides people's asses and have them keep all you workers in check.
thanks for the advice...i dont have an option for an assistant b/c of the $ but gonna take your advice and start looking for another job. hopefully i wont explode before i find one. and the only person that talks shit is my boss, and its not shit talking he intentionally trys to get at me on a personal level.
Yeah best of luck to you my friend. Like I said stay strong work hard and don't let people criticize you. Sounds to me like your boss has a personality disorder OR is trying to drive you out. Either way learn to put up wit hhis bullshit. Example just agree with everything he says and the arguments will not get so bad. I have had narcissistic bosses that completely talk down on people especially the ones who are most crucial and do the hard work.
It's part of life and I notice many managers are narcissist because they like to have control and power. Lol the way I am built I do not tolerate being criticized and I always either get in a big argument or I just smile agree with them and be a dick behind their back lol. But that never helps all it does it make things worse in my experience. I learned to put myself in a position where I don't have people like that dragging me down. Hopefully you can do the same. Managers like that always drive people out and it is his fault the business is shit not yours. Hes the top head and if things arent running smooth ultimitely it is his fault he is the big dog. So situations like this are the manager is not keeping things in check and BLAMING YOU for all the problems rather than taking responsibility for their problems.
Like I said this sounds like typical borderline personality disorder. Blaming others for mistakes they make to make them feel worthy. Your boss is talking down on you saying things are going wrong because of you even though it's ultimately his responsibility. So just realize it and see its not your fault its his. Like you said if you could hire an assistant or something to help get caught up you would if you had the funds. But you dont and your manager should do something to help keep things in check, he is expecting you to work as multiple people because he is too lazy and greedy to hire more managers.
On a side note fuck those people who are talking shit. Don't listen to them just stay strong and overcome it. I have had times where i was mentally foggy and couldn't keep up with work. Maybe try taking a vacation with your family for a week and get your mind off of things. That might help you refresh your thoughts and start over when you come back with a clear head.
I know family is family. But buisness is buisness. When you are at work no person should be treated differently than another employee. Be fair, but be stern. If people are not doing their job or you feel they are slacking pull them aside and let them know. Give them shitty hours so they have to work late in the afternoon until they get their shit together. I know it's tough but you gotta keep business as business. Outside of work focus 100% on your family and don't let work take over your life.
thanks j just saw that you added on to your post. i appreciate that