As some of you may already know Goth and I are best friends in real life see: https://www.eroids.com/forum/general/off-topic/goth.-my-new-best-friend
(For future reference)
That being said, the other day Goth calls me up and says: "Hey Ed, my aerobics class got cancelled today and I was wondering if you wanted to ride bikes with me."
I was slightly intrigued, I never really got into that shit but figured hey if Lance Armstrong had to juice to do it, it really can't be that bad.
The only problem was I didn't have a bike. I told Goth that and he assured me that I could borrow his extra. He laid down the rules , told me that I needed a bike helmet, and that I could wear one of my wrestling singlets for comfort and I would be set. I didn't have a bike helmet so I grabbed a skull cap that dudebro's mom left at my singlewide a couple of nights before, threw on my singlet and anxiously awaited for goth to pick me up. While I was waiting I decided to pop a couple of dbols, inject 200 mg of h20 test suspension, and eat a large bowl of generic fruit loops. You know, the good kind with the fricken marshmallows in it. I love that shit.
At any rate, I sat down on my couch, flipped on the tube to Maury to see who was "not the father" and started to tackle my bowl of fruit loops. Four or five bites in, I hear a sound about a quarter mile away from my trailer at the trailer park entrance. It was the beat of some serious base getting closer and closer to my trailer. Within seconds I recognized the song to be "girl you know it's true" by Milli Vanilli. If you don't know the song, you can find it here:
http://youtu.be/RdSmokR0Enk (you are welcome)
From the tune I knew it was my best friend Goth Leslie Arbuckle (goth's real name).
I looked out my window and saw goth's low rider 1994 Chevy S-10 pulls up. Welded chain steering wheel and everything.
In the back of the truck were two bikes, one really nice carbon fiber frame bike and one really shitty 75 lb pink NEXT brand girl's mountain bike. One that you would find littering any given Walmart clearance rack.
I thought to myself: "shit, that better not be what I'm riding."
Goth got out of his truck and yelled:"Ed get your ass out here lets go!"
So I strapped on my xxxxl scull cap, threw on my shoes and I was off.
I waked out side and Goth had already unloaded the bikes. He points at the shitty girls bike and said "there's your bike bitch, let's go!"
"Hell to the no I ain't riding that shit." I say.
He replies with "bro, I'll buy you a lap dance if you'll ride it.
Sold.
So I jump on the bike and we are off.
Goth of course leaves me in the dust while I'm trying to shift the piece of shit out of granny gear.
I cursed and after a few clicks of the gears and a chain derailment I was off too. We flew through the streets as pedestrians laughed and pointed fingers at my 250 lb ass on a pink girls bike. I can barely see goth a couple of mileS ahead of me. But the thought of a paid for lap dance kept me going. After what had to be close to 30 miles I see goth take a right at our favorite strip club. I'm pretty stoked. After what seemed like forever, I arrived at the strip club. Goth was already there chatting it up with the ladies and he handed one of them a benji, pointed at me and the rest was history. It was probably the best workout I'd had since since cross-fit Friday.
The only problem is today, my butthole feels like dudebro's probably feels after raise day at Denny's.

Just thought I'd share.
All my love, no homo
Ed