need a little married sexual advice from the ladies, please
Ok, hope I dont clog up the forums here with a topic that doesnt belong, but this is the quickest and logically most visible way to get some advice I really need.
Had some marital troubles a while back and nearly called it quits. Didnt take long to figure out that the reason we got married in the first place is because we truly love each other. So as we try to patch things over and decide if we're going to move forward together or if the damage is too great to overcome, Im doing my utmost best to listen to what she is saying and not walk away just because its easier.
We are both open communicators, so its going well, but she said something to me that I would truly like to fully understand because its something extremely important to both of us. She told me she would like for me to be more in control in bed.
Now before y'all smack me in the back of the head and tell me to rough her up a little, I do that some, but we all know anything you do often becomes stale. I also somehow know thats not what shes talking about.
We both have very healthy libidos - sex no fewer than 4 times per week. She enjoys sex, but I initiate most of the time. She seems to very much enjoy it when I use my size and strength to be gently rough and is naturally submissive. I think her wish for me to be more in control is related, but not the same thing.
I would really love to hear some advice from you ladies that would help me be a better lover and a better husband. My ears and eyes are wide open. Thank you.
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Update: Talked to my wife about what was going on like I was advised (really good advice, thank you) to do. Turned out to be that she wanted me to be more vocal - some of the time - about what I want and what turns me on rather than try to read her every time and do what I think she wants. I actually started doing this before we talked because it seemed to just make sense... Anywho...working out quite nicely. ;) Thank you all!!
Sounds like she wants you to make the first move on the hint you are wanting to get more busy. Flirt with her and start doing ur thing but control her more. I can say my sex life with my my hubby is amazing. I believe this is because its something different every time. Foreplay is just as important. Maybe try one day just try pleasing her.
Good luck!
I think everyone here has some great things to say ... I prob wouldn't say anything different .. (I m editing myself here..lol.. ) but I think the key here is to get her to elaborate on exactly what she means.. nothing like getting it wrong and being on the wrong page because you made an assumption
Thanks grrl. Thats what Im gonna do. After a couple days to satisfy her that Ive put some thought and effort into it.
A few questions
Does your sex take place in the same room all the time?
Try taking her some were and bang her in the woods, in the car, movies, fast food restaurant etc.
How often do you eat her?
Take her to a lesbian bar and bring back another girl with ya.
Show off in public, example slap her ass in front of stranger, squeez her butt cheeks hard in front of everyone.
Sounds crazy make her walk in front of you or hold your hand. What she is looking for is security.
Naw, sex is subject to happen anywhere, anytime. We're a horny couple anyway so we're pretty spontaneous.
I eat her pretty often. Its the only way she can go and I want her to go - often. ;)
I do the caveman thing too. She loves that. We're not kids, so shes old enough that she wanted to be married to a man. We'll figure it out. ;)
One thing to remember is that control doesnt have to mean whips and chanins. Maybe she wants you to be more assertive such as telling her what position to be in, or perhaps taking her by surprise one day. Despite what tv and the news tell us its still ok to be a Man just not a jerk.
Oh boy, well I'm blushing just thinking about the things I could tell you to try. But your best bet is to ask her to elaborate. "more control" could mean so many things, she's the only one who knows what she wants.
One thing I can say that I just love is when my husband teases me. Example:you both get naked, have her lay on her stomach, straddle her and give her a back/butt rub. Use a good lotion, this position allows your, uhm... Unit, yeah I'm going with that to fall right into place and the entire time your rubbing her back she can feel it, don't penetrate until she begs. Drives me mad. This has become our favorite position for normal and backdoor action. It might just be the best position ever. She get's the hands on action and you get a hell of a view.
Honey? Is that you?!? Lmao!! Thanks doll. You are def obe of the ladies I wanted to hear from on this issue. What you described is a regular staple in our house. The tease is just as bad for me. How long can I give her the massage before I go caveman??
The more I think about it, the more I think what she wants is for me to be more vocal about what I want. Ive always made it about her because y'all trained us that way. What you think?
Yep its a winner. Getting her to tell you will help a lot. Weve been married 10 years and I've always been open my husband is the shy one. Even now when I ask him what he wants he just says, "I'm good, guys are easy." But from time to time he'll give me a pointer it rare but helpful, try to get her to open up.
This came about because I was jokin about being her boss and her being my sexetary. We were texting. She came back with a we would talk about that. I pressed and she said it would have to be in person. And that it was a bit embarassing and everybody has her secrets. After seeing the freaks we uncovered in our bedroom, I was a bit worried! ;) But then the statement 'I wish you would take more control in bed' was all I got.
That's such a vague statement, I wouldn't know what to do with it. I guess all you can do is try something and see what happens. I don't think control means rough though, rough means rough. I think by control she might just mean doing what you want, as in "having your way with her." No asking, no talking, just doing. Next time you have an opportunity just bend her over and go to town. If she goes with it, then you know what she meant. If she asks if you've lost your fucking mind, just tell her you couldn't help it you had to have her. Either way you win.
You got it doll. I think youre on the right track. Think I'll run in on her in the shower in a couple hours, pin her in the corner, cover her mouth and...well, you get the picture. ;) I 'll let you know how it went - pg version (hell, R version) tomorrow. Wish me luck!
That's probably exactly what she's looking for.
Ummm...it went very well. Very well. Ive thought about it all a lot since and I really feel what shes after is assertiveness when its not rough. Last night was mildly rough. I think she wants me to let it be known what I want, to go for mine more rather than push so hard to please her all of the time.
Hi mate maybe she means that she would like you to initiate more positions for example if ur doin missionary then u would just with out ask turn her over to doggy style i could be wrong, i read this to my woman and asked her what ur woman mighg mean by that and thats what she made it out to be
That sounds about right I do want I want with my wife with out giving her an instruction I put her in the position I want all the time. I only let her take control when I'm out of energy.
Yea girls like it that way they like a man to take control, thats wht ive found any way
Fuck... something wrong with me ;-( I HATE being told what do ..... lol
Lol, i wouldnt say its telling a girl what to do but more takin the lead in the bedroom, but yea there is a fine line as not to be telling them what to do :-)
Maybe I'm misreading what you said, but more control in be doesn't mean being rougher or stronger. I see it as putting her sexual needs first. I make sure my wife is pleasured once or twice before I finish. I don't have any complaints. Have you asked her exactly what she means and wants? I've been married over 20 years and putting her first and open communication about what she wants is really what counts and works. Otherwise your just guessing and turning to Internet forums for advice. Oh, wait.... ;-). Best if luck buddy.
Thanks for your input brother! I dont think thats it though. I put her pleasure in front of mine probly 80% of the time. Of course with a quickie she cant, but she initiates the quickies too.
I would love to be able to ask exactly what she means, but I know her well and this is one of the ones she wants me to figure out without her help. I know women dont come with an instruction manual and we should put some thought into what makes them tick, but DAMN!
I do think youre right about it not meaning rougher or stronger though. I do that fairly often already. She loves it, but too much would be too much....
Lmbo! Thanks again bro!
That is a recipe for unhappiness and divorce. I know women and some men think that way, but it's unhealthy. The only way to make a lasting relationship is for BOTH people to communicate what they want. It takes time and effort, but it's the only way. I've had to talk to my wife many times to really understand what she wants. We're finally to the point where 95% of the time she actually does. Just talk to her and say that your a man and need things spelled and that you would be happy to give it to her. Good luck.
Yeah I think I'll take your advice. Youre a smart guy, more experienced in marriage, and given me good advice in the past. I'll try to think on it a bit more, but wont let more thsn a few days go by without asking. That should satisfy her need for me to give it ample consideration.
I wouldn't be surprised if it's not even about sex. You might find it's about something completely different. Only talking about it will clear the issue up. Be patient and keep at it. It's a recipe for a health relationship.
Read the 50 shades of grey books . If she ever did.... mine did GRIN.. then you may get an idea what she is talking about. Happily married 24 years
I love to read and will put that one at the head of my mile long list. Been meaning to read it anyhow. She hasnt read it though.