+ 1 Loving and spending time with our children
I know this is a gear site but at least I feel as if I have family here. I wanted to share this with my brothers and sisters. It's kind of a wake up call for me and hopefully it'll do the same for some of you. I know with my youngest son I swore I would not screw it up as I did with my others. I swore I would spend more quaality time and be more involved in his life. Well , I have lived up to that promise but often find myself saying to myself that I have to spend more time with him and realizing that father time is taking that opportunity away from me faster than I would like. I just read this http://www.today.com/news/do-not-open-until-2023-deceased-girls-letter-h... and I have to say it tore my heart out. I truly don't know if I could ever handle that situation.
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To be honest with you bro, my little one can drive me nuts. Expecially watching her 2-3 days a week 9hrs per day. However, she is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I wouldnt change it for the world. I look at my daughter in amazment like " how the fuck, did I create such an amazing thing." Kids are amazing, but grow up hella fast. I cherish every moment! Enough of the mushy stuff, back to getting gorilla beast mode strong!
My husband, lawnking, and I recently switched roles as house/kid manager and breadwinner. I'm blessed to be able to support us working part time from home. He really knows his kids now and does a great job running the house. We have much more understanding of each other now and the family is much stronger. He never thought he was the kind of guy to be into his kids, but it turns out it was the stress and demands of his job taking all his physical, mental, and emotional energy. Now he has time and energy to take care of the house and train hard but still have time to pick the kids up, do homework, fix dinner, and get the, all to karate which he does with them. It can be tough finding the way for your family especially considering the culture we live in. No one expects a muscle head gym rat to be a stay home dad, but we're all better off for it.
56tooThats beautiful. I call that evolving. I can totally understand stress leaving him without the desire to do much else but provide after all stress IMO is the number one killer for us modern humans
That was nice...thanks!
My mother always says "you're children are only lent to you. Before you know it they're grown up and gave left home". Only seems like 5 minutes ago my daughter was born, she'll be 8 this year.
I used to work seriously long hours and often resented the lack of time I had with my daughter. These days I've made it clear my family comes first or hire someone else!
Good post brother. I absolutely love being a dad. I love every thing about it. It to me is the most important thing I'll ever do.
I love being the protector, the provider. The story teller, the coach. The tucker-inner,The monster killer by night. Every bit of it.
56tooED, I've never seen this side of you lol!! Love u bro
Come on brother, there is more to me than hooker killer by night. :).
Love you too, no homo
Ed
My daughter passed away when she was 5. I never spent a lot of time with her before that due to a messy messy divorce and when I did she had mild autism so it made it that much harder. I am remarried now and because of the pain I suffered and still do I am never having kids again. Lucky for me my wife also does not want kids; she was with me when I lost her. Cherish what you have and teach them right from wrong; this is a terrible world we live in and show them the right path.
56tooBrother, I can't even begin to say I know or I can imagine what that must be like because unless you've been there it's impossible to. I can say this, you've enlightened me. I feel horrible that you had to go through that in order for others to be enlightened but that is part of this journey called life. Life.........who will ever understand it?? Peace to you brother and thanks for sharing your story
GearofWarThis breaks my fucking heart to pieces. My first born will be 5 in July and I can't begin to fathom the depths of human suffering and despair that the death of my 5 year old daughter would bring. I don't think I'd make it through that honestly. Christ that's horrible. I needed to hear this because both of the kids were ROTTEN today and I was at my ropes end with them both this afternoon. Sorry that happened to you my brother. And I don't blame you at all for never wanting to try again. I'd be done too.
it destroyed me. I can't put myself through it again. In a way it hardened my heart and I turned to alcohol and drugs to numb the pain. My life changer was when my wife had enough of my self destruction and made me go to anger management classes. Then I saw a Urologist. Then I saw the Gym. Then I saw the light at the end of the tunnel. Alcohol and drug free for 3 years now; Still recovering from the death but let's be honest, you never recover; you just bury it.
Nice post 56! I will be driving my 12yr old daughter to swimming at 5am tomorrow morning. This stuff here comes after family. Not that it isn't important to stay healthy for my daughter. I will have to work until at least 70 yrs old to pay for everything, but what better motivation is there! Fr sent
56tooI hear you brother The sad part for me is that it took so damn long for me to realize that. The good part is that we can always change our future and thats what I've done, finally FR accepted
and you made me cry..... im lucky mwag is an amazing Dad. he spends so much time with his kids sometimes ppl dont realize he even has a woman. he went to his 16 yr old daughters swim meet yesterday and was there all day. ive been told by other women how lucky i am to have him and how amazing he is as a dad. everynight at bedtime 30 minutes before bed he sits down with his kids and they all climb on him and snuggle. our kids are more loving and affectionate to him than me theyre going grow up holding signs on TV that dont say hi mom theyll say Hi dad. i get jealous but im lucky. aside from gym time, everything is about his kids, I MEAN EVERYTHING, sometimes i feel ignored but i wouldnt have it any other way
56tooI really wish I could be more like that, but Im not and never have been. I guess it's just the way Im wired. As we get older we hopefully get wiser and in so doing I have come to realize that we need to love and appreciate who we have in our lives NOW because the future holds no guarantees so I look at life that way more now and spend more time with my son. I've chased a non-existent reality all my life and only after realizing and accepting the fact that it is non existent have I come to be able to balance my life out and share it with those that matter most to me.. And yeah gurly I cried too LOL
GearofWarSometimes having 2 little girls both under the age of 5 will sap the will to live right outta you, let alone the will to go and work out. Then add in the demands of the wife, the extended family, and the full-time 57 hour per week job and that doesn't leave a man a whole lot left for himself. Not physically nor mentally. We're a single income household so the stress of feeling inadequate and the disappointment I cause my family are making my ass prematurely grey and are surely driving me into an early grave. AAS is my last and only line of defense to beat back the insanity of a life like this. But then there are the days when I see posts like this that remind me that without my family I'm nothing. I'd have no way to measure the stuff I was made of without them. My character wouldn't be forged from iron, and I wouldn't know what true sacrifice was. Anyone that is a real man, and raises his kids will forever be one of the true "tough guys" in my book. So much love and respect to all of the fathers out here that still find a way to put in work and keep up with, if not surpass the guys that have no familial obligations to take up 90% of their free time. Or don't have the added levels of mental stress and depression to overcome so you can rise above and make yourself go to the gym. You're all a different breed of tough SOBs and I'm proud to amongst your ranks.
Amen brother, I worked two jobs till just recently Bc I wanted my wife at home with our son the first few years. The stress of doing all that and still coming up short some months is overwhelming sometimes, but hearing about all my sons firsts through text message and phone calls Bc I was never there was un bearable!! Luckily my wife was able to find a pretty good job and we found a really good daycare right around the corner, which after doing so I now firmly believe it was the right move, a keeping him home with her as long as I did, b putting him in there when we did.
56 thanks for posting this brother!!
56tooI hear you my friend. So often I feel that life is so overrated but it is what it is and we have to find ways to deal with it and you've done just that.
I find it harder and harder every day to keep balance, and I don't have kids, just a wife and dogs so I can only imagine...it's a tough lifestyle that requires so much focus and dedication. I try to spend all the time I can with family but in the other hand I can't stand the feeling knowing that you could have out more effort into something and have that be the reason why you didn't succeed...it's a terrible catch-22
56tooI strongly feel that not all of us are or were "programmed" to have children. I've come to that conclusion after many years of in depth study and research. The notion that we're all here to procreate is based entirely on mythological beliefs, IMO and it's one of the many reasons why there is so much suffering on this planet. I have drilled this into my son's head and reassured him that its perfectly OK if he never has children and that that wont make him any less of a man.
FantasiathescammerIm 27 and have gone through phases where I think I want kids and where I don't. These phases are reason enough to steer clear of having them.
56tooMore power to you bro. No need to feel guilty for feeling that way, and no, its not because you're selfish.
Agreed !! Good post ! I love my Family it it means drop everything I will ! That means everything !!!!!!!!!! Juice,Gym comes 2nd to the Family !
56tooI appreciate your thoughts. It has taken me too long to realize that