HIGHSCHOOL SWEETHEART (and really my first taste of love) IS MARRIED AND WANTS TO HOOK-UP
First brothers and sisters i am not a douche and in my heart know what the right thing is, BUT there are mitigating circumstances here. The first being im pretty sure the marriage is over in all but the admission to each other and the signing of the papers. Second this was the first girl i ever felt real love for, not she gave me wood teenage lust we liked to call love, but real compassion and genuine caring for her well being and her cares, hopes, and dreams in life.And last but not least we never really acknowledged how we really felt ,we made out and hung out but were to young to deal with such strong emotions maturely and the ebb and flow of life seperated us unexpectedly. I used to feel like i was gonna puke and faint whenever i looked at her or she was close and i will be damned if i dont feel the same way when we talk now. She is one of only 2 girls that i was ever just scared to death around and i married the first one .LOL. Any ways she found out through a mutual friend i was single and come home during the holidays and has been contacting me for the last week. And i know this should not be a factor but she looks amazing, and i go home for thnxgiving then again for christmas, so DO I or DON'T I ...edit= Ok we all know im gonna hook up i guess what i am really wondering is should i feel bad about it after EDITED EDIT: WE SHALL REMAIN IN CONTACT AND SEE WHAT THE FUTURE HOLDS SHE WAS NEVER JUST A PIECE OF TAIL , EVEN 15YRS AGO, CICUMSTANCES WORKED AGAINST US THEN MAYBE FOR US NOW. THANK YOU ALL FOR THE BUOYANCY AND PERSPECTIVES I NEEDED TO OBJECTIVELY LOOK AT ALL SIDES OF A LIFE CHANGING DECISION INVOLVING MORE LIVES THAN JUST MY OWN THANK YOU ALL
- Bookmark
- 0
- 0
I can speak on this personally because I post just about the same post a while back. Its going to be hard on you man as it was for me, but there has to be a reason why it didnt work before. Why is she coming back when things failed at her home and not before? She feels comfort with you and reverted back to old feelings, your going to be a rebound. In my case,I just stopped texting and she got the point. You already closed that chapter of you life, move forward. Hope this helps and I hope you dont add fuel to the divorce. Listen to what Hardbodygirl is saying.
Haha I was thinking about you when I read this post except your situation was reversed...i'm proud of you that you took all our advice good call! :0)
Yea its was hard, but I sat back and thought about what I have achieved thus far. House,cars,baby and career. It would be hard to start over especially with the "X" who isn't well educated or smart at all. It was two days of hell for me playing slow jams and feeling sorry for myself,but i got over it resisted temptation and stopped texting.Leave the past where it belongs, in the past!
Well im a big believer in fate so "if" you and the Ex were meant to be together you'll def cross paths in the future when yr both single but in the meantime you did the right thing...btw i loved the part where you wrote about listening to "slow jams" i laughed my ass off!
Good for you. Wise choices are usually the hardest at first, but always pay off in the end.
noob941I DEFINETELY ARENT ADDING FUEL, I HOPE ANYWAYS and i already stopped with the texts and told her we got time if it happens it was supposed to and if not it wasnt whats another year after 15 thnx brother
>Here's a different perspective. If she is willing to cheat with you, then she's willing to cheat on you.
this is such a profound statement. It is one of those simple truths that we over look in times of high emotion.
noob941thnx GRRRL and that statements is something i wanna say nah its diferent with me that wont happen but im sure at the begining of their relatioship it was "diferent" also! thnx ur GRRRREAT
^^ FACT!
Looks like some pretty good advice given. I'll add my two cents.
This is the way it is. Even if my shit was on a dead end course with my wife, it would still not be ok in my mind for some sancho prick from the past to be romancing that ass. Doesn't matter the situation. The second Sancho hits it, basically he just signed his own death sentence.
You may say: "oh shit Ed, not gonna happen, I'm way bigger than that guy."
Doesn't matter bro. Bullets will always win.
I know that sounds harsh, but there are some serious emotions that one is messing with when he places himself into someone else's marriage. I say cut that shit off completely. Let her end it if she's going to end it. Don't be a catalyst to the situation. Likely her ex when it's all done will still be in her life, and he will respect you instead of hate you.
Don't be a Sancho bro. That's the lowest form of life.
I have to know brother where does the term "Sancho" mean? It sounds like the equivalent to the military's term "Jody". I an just curious if it is an acronym I course I am sitting here laughing every time I read it.
don't forget about "buffy" ..
That is true hahaha! I guess it just was as relevant in my unit but you are right.
Sancho Panza was Don Quixote's sidekick. I think it originated there.
I learned it from my Mexican friends. It's basically a guy that sneaks over and bangs your wife while you are at work, deployed or in prison. Lol.
He sneaks in, drinks your beer, eats your food and bangs your wife.
Or even a guy that tries to hook up with married ladies. The term covers a lot of ground.
Sublime wrote a song about it.
"Santeria"
It's a great song.
"And I won't think twice to stick that barrel straight down Sancho's throat.
Believe me when I say that I got somethin' for his punk ass!"
LMFAO.. I didn't know it was a Mexican term but Santeria is the first thing I thought of when I seen it! Good shit
Damn J you are very violent! I will save you a place in the Apocalypse bunker
LOL.. Thanks brother!
Hahaha that is great I didn't even put that together from Don Quixote! Thanks for the education, I am going to use that in the realm of my Latin teammates LOL.
here's a great Monday morning song for you.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T0EXzv3CfKE
Love this song.
That is really good! I am downloading it. Thanks.
noob941ED i promise im not gonna be a sancho, i wouldnt want it to happen to me and im not doin it to someone else, i know how serious and volatile love can be and we have agreed to cease and desist until formal termination of the marriage. And thank you ED for takinit easy on me, you are by far the most hilarious member of our community in my opinion but ive also seen that comedic bend have true and sometimes harsh life truths in them. And it would have been easy to get ripped for even considering a hookup, and i thank everyone for not doing so. And with the relationship and feelings we had in the past i dont think it could have evr been just a hookup anyways not for me. So we wait and see. til then STAY STRONG ALL
Atta boy. I'm proud of you for making the right decision. :). You'll never regret that. FR sent brother.
Don't do it......Guy Code! Keep whores in check! Takes 2 to tango....or 3 if your lucky.
noob941man thats what my gut and heart has been teelin me from the start, JUST SAY NO THNX BROTHER
Here's a different perspective. If she is willing to cheat with you, then she's willing to cheat on you.
Look at you with that in yr face philosophy! you are 100% spot on! ;)
btw i love yr Anonymous avatar
Lol. Thanks beautiful ;-)
aw thank you
noob941i agree 100% thx bro
Don't be "THAT GUY" by that I mean the man that he turned to then things had turned bad.. because trust me when I say... You won't be the man he wants when the smoke clears and the dust settles. Wait until it's ever.. wait until she's free and has lived just a little... Otherwise you will be left in the dust babe.. I had a situation with an ex about two years ago.. (I'm sharing way to much here.. but ) Once my marriage was over my ex (my first real boy friend and ex fiancé) started hitting me up.. Some how he was single at the same time. He had been married and had a child to.. so anyway.. we decided to go out.. thinking IDK maybe the same thing you are.. it would be like old times.. It wasn't.. I was different, he was different and with all that I needed to find who I was now that I wasn't married anymore.. needless to say it was a every awkward date.. very.. we had been friends before that and after it was just strange.. so give her some time.. if it's meant to be.. it's been 15 what's 1 more. Just give it time and be a friend.. the whole you don't leave the friend zone is BS ask abaddon.. he's still my best friend.
noob941thanx girl so much for sharing your personal expeirience , you are so right i dont wanna be That guy. they are definetly gettin divorced and its definetly not because of me, and i just started dating after a year of alcohol recovery so i can give her a year, honestly ma'am i could probably give her another 15 if thats what it took. im so glad you ladies chimed in i think this whole post was a cry for someone to remind me of the type of person i am. thanx Abaddon is one lucky fellow i to hope to have that oneday
don't do it bro!!! you could end up dead, it aint worth it. if she wants you she will leave the other guy first, then go for it, if I was the husband and some guy did that to my misses,l would be all over the news, and his life would be over.
noob941thnx brother and i know, really know what the right thing is its easy to get caught up and swept away but at the end of it all i gotta respect the guy i see while im shavin every mornin, thanx for you help
If you're not afraid of your old emotions coming back and the possibility of her staying with her husband, then by all means, "bash!" Realistically though, if it was how you say it was, you may end up emotionally damaged from the whole experience. On the flip side maybe you'll end up together. Just be sure to weigh all your options here. Once your heart gets involved, shit gets tricky/confusing. Be careful and choose wisely.
noob941damn bold you said some shit then, shit gets tricky and confusing and the only real problem at this point is my hearts already involved it was involved the second she contacted me lmao. stay strong brother
Im a woman so heres my womanly opinion....When a woman is truly over a marriage she leaves...men so not quick....woman start to emotionally get out if a relationships while they're in it...sooooo if she's really done with this man she would have moved out... however, you didn't mention that she did, you did however say "I'm pretty sure the marriage is over, in all but the admission to each mother and the signing of the papers" those are YOUR thoughts and NOT her actions...so be careful being so presumptuous...you were very young when you were involved with this girl a lot has changed you both, so if its really some kind of soulmate love story kinda thing, which i do believe in, things will simply fall into place when she is single...
if you wanna screw her in the meantime you do run the risk of gettin hurt, because until she leaves that guy, he is still her husband!! period the end.
noob941thank you A it is good to have a womans perspective , i do believe in the soulmate thing
but cant say that is the case. only time will tell. i do have strong feelings for her though and that is something i usually run from, and i guess i dont wanna run this time hence my concerns and this post. thank you for everything the heart is truly a mystery, to bad God didnt give us a reset button for it lmao stay strong
My advice is this: If you are looking to bang a hot old flame you had then it's probably gonna happen no matter what we say. If you look at this girl and you truly think it could turn into something more, like a long term thing, let her know if and when she is single you would love to reconnect.
noob941wildcat we just had that conversation man. and that is whats gonna happen.Like pank said nostalgia takes hold hormones and old memories reignite flames but luckily we were to far apart to act impulsively in the past week. so we shall wait and see what will be. thank you brother stay strong
if you are questioning the integrity of the matter then the answer is self eveident... integrity is not circumstantial either you have it or you don't...
Almost divorced is still married
Almost divorced is she hasn't processed the situation
Almost divorced makes you a trick
noob941point take brother, and i knew it in my heart, if we been apart this long and we can wait til they are divorced IF they are divorcing. integrity ain't always easy but i want mine intact thank you brother its easy to get swept away in the moment i pretty sure i came here hoping to hear exactly what ive heard
Is this just about getting laid and moving on or are you looking to have a continued relationship?
A little tip about indecision and confusion you already know what is right you are just hoping for someone to talk you out of it lol. Confusion is present when one lies to them self whether by feelings or nostalgia hoping for validation so that you can carry out what you conscience is tell you not to do. Sociopaths don't have this problem because they have no conscience. Others before pulling an act that they know or believe is not accepted by others get themselves pissed and make a cause for themselves to say fuck the world, I don't owe anyone. So really it is all your call and you with have to be the one living with the results good or bad and in the end you can't blame or praise anyone but yourself.
See this statement this is what is called a proverbial U turn. I know what is right BUT fuck what is right I want what I want. It doesn't matter the mitigating circumstance this is not a court of law but of conscience. Not to mention you only have this woman's take on the circumstances and she has a massive bias to get boned by you apparently.
I am not judging you and I don't honestly care what you decide. I only responded because I am bored and it gives me a chance to brush up on my sociology. I do however hope you make a choice that does not put yourself in a place where you think less of yourself.:)
noob941damn pank you know i have respected you for a long time and it continues to grow you pretty much hit the nail on the head. i was hoping i would get enough test fueled "hell yea bro hit that" to justify to myself an action i know is immoral . and my first visit home is still over a month away ! maybe the nostalgia is a big part for her as well and it will pass before i get home thanks for the perspective and insight
it is self evident by your original post brother that you have honor and integrity! I know the battle with the temptations to the easy self serving way my whole life has always been filled with them. Some battles I won for conscience others I have lost, but at least the fight goes on and there is always room for betterment
This is exactly how I feel. Cheers mate, this is gold
.
Look out for yourself first. Are you going to feel those same feelings that you used to have if you "tag it"?
Anon4 Yrs agoI had this exact situation.I banged that girl a few times but refused to date her. tag it, bag it but ddon't marry it.
We all know what will dicktate your actions. So just accept that you are gonna smash her. Just don't change yourself for her.
noob941EP you are so right i knew as soon as she sent a pic i think! And as far as changing aint gonna happen!!! I did change for a chic once and after 7 yrs she: left stating she didn't like who i had become. No shit!! So the only changes goin down round here is for me, we gone get BIGGER,STRONGER AND FASTER thnx bro stay strong