Hey kids... Today, I finally crossed the mile marker of 300 karma. I've been counting down the days because I knew shit would be special if I broke 300 karma. Perhaps that would be the trigger that finally gives me that "Pro" tag that both Nitti and Viking promised me in a moment of passion. (no homo) Or even better that I get that GURU tag that only two special fellas hold. What the hell was to happen! I could only imagine the respect I'd hold with a guru tag. I would masturbate to myself, no doubt. (Ok, I do that anyways but this time it would be more legit.)
At 299, I called all my friends together for a party celebrating my 300 karma mile stone. My heart fluttered (no homo) as I asked myself: What would this bring? I mean holy shit, I'm almost to 300 karma bitches! What would be my new tag be? At 50, I dinged level 1, at 100 I dinged level 2 (like a boss) and at 200 I dinged level 3. Yeah SON LEVEL 3! when I reached level three I was harder than R-Kelly at the Nickelodeon kid's choice awards!
So I sat in anticipation as I posted a heartwarming post on the shitty packaging of Yoplait brand greek Yogurt and waited for it to happen. Surely this would break the barrier. Three minutes later and after I PM'ed all my friends to give me some Karma points.. BOOM 300 KARMA! I just knew for sure that I was going to get my pro tag or my Guru tag. I called all my friends together, logged into my account slapped on a Magnum and ...WTF! Still level 3!
Sonofabitch!
What the hell happened? This was supposed to be my special day? Still level three! There must be some mistake! I was supposed to go pro! Shit papa swole went pro at 50 karma and he only had 12 inch guns and a cleft pallet. Me I'm rocking close to 26" (Ok maybe a slight exaggeration) guns with perfect teeth and WTF! Level three? How many people do I have to call "bro"? How many times to I have to type GTG? How many times do I have to use terms like Pin and PIP and ED and EOD? I know this shit like I know the palm of my hands! Yet, I'm only level 3. The shame of it. I feel as phony as a monster666 photo post. I am nothing. Just the same level three boner that I was 3 months ago. Feel free friends to talk me off the ledge.
This has been the hardest day of my life.

All my love, no homo
Ed.