The other night, the wifey, me and the kids were out on a little vacation. Dinner came around and we were trying to decide where to go.
Not having been to a Buffet in years I suggested the Golden Corral. I had fond memories of the place from my redneck childhood, and I had heard that the meat wasn't too bad. Furthermore, I knew that my on cycle ass could handle all you can eat meat. No homo. So we walk in and I quickly realize that this is where the fat and ugly gather, save it be for my family, the waitress serving me, and this lady about 3 tables over with some of the largest firmest fake titties that I've ever seen (of course my radar detected them immediately) who just happened to leave her bra at home. This alone helped me justify being there.
So we sit down and I situate, grab a couple of plates for me and my kids and introduce my kids to fatass dining. They were pretty excited. My 6 year old forfeited the use of tongs right off and decided to just start grabbing shit with his hands. Normally, I would have cared but this time given the disgusting people that were there, I just didn't give a shit because I knew they didn't give a shit either. In fact my boy at one time grabbed a piece of cauliflower inspected it and put it back. I didn't do anything because like I said, I didn't give a shit. So we walk through the lines, I get my kids loaded up with food and I of course load the shit out of my plate with meat. I stacked the fish, the pot roast, the steaks and the chicken high sat down and began my mission of gluttony. Of course , avoiding carbs. After my first plate, I went back for round two and went straight for the guy dishing out steak. He was sporting a mustache that only a child molester would wear. I told him that I wanted three pieces of steak, he looked at me like I had just asked him to bed his fat wife but eventually caved and gave me what I wanted. I headed over to the fish and loaded everything that they had on the platter on my plate. I’m not sure what kind of fish it was (probably carp) but It was ok, and I figured it was all in the name of protein.
I sit down and I can see that my kids are visibly bloated and I ask them if they want more. My boy of course wanted to go for it so I just turned him loose. My wife and I laughed as we watched him load a plate with some of the finest food this white trash paradise had to offer, only to top it off with cotton candy. Lol. That’s right kids they serve cotton candy at the golden corral.
After stuffing ourselves we were all sick, and we started to watch people and I realized that this is the fattest grossest place on the planet, and there I am smack dab in the middle with my smoking hot wife and sick children.
What a disgusting place to make an ass out of yourself. Only in M’erica.
The moral of the story is this:
Well, I guess there really isn’t a moral but If you find yourself at the Golden Corral more than once in a year, you probably should take a good long look at yourself. You might just be fat and disgusting.

All my love, no homo
Ed