posted Sun, 07/07/2013 - 04:58
2218
In Need of a Joke for a Speech Class - Please Help
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I've got a speech class on tuesday and I've gotta give a presentation.
I want to open up with a tasteless joke, anybody got one for me?
Bad language isn't an issue so don't be shy, I'm shooting for the shock factor here.
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Oh I loved speech class... However, I could talk the ears off a billy goat... glad to hear that it went well... if you can connect with people you can kill any speech! Also, 20's is not late for going back to school.. I graduated collage at the age of 22 and at the age of 32 I when back to obtain a complexly different degree.
xub3rn00dlexJust how complex was this different degree
I don't know what degree he's pursuing, but speech classes should be mandatory instead of certain other classes they offer. Being able to properly present not only yourself but also give proper and thorough presentations when needed is severely lacking in this country. Every time somebody gives a speech and starts "uuhh-ing" i end up wanting to throw something at them.
Well, my BA was in Accounting.. the current AD will be in Information Technologies. Most people can't stand in front of a group of people and be calm.. I've witnessed numerous folks throw up just thinking about it.
xub3rn00dlexInteresting, what made you make the switch? And whenever I had the problem of being calm i'd just have a drink or two before and i was good to present all day.
Honestly, not sure... I will always be in the accounting field but I wanted to know more about the computer end of things.. in other words I didn't want to call someone when I have an issue. OH! on the drink or two thing... OMG I did that once for a presentation I had to give to a group of people that I knew really well and I had a feeling it would turn into something like a roast (which it did) anyway, I went up to the bar to get a glass of wine.. next thing I know I'm roped into doing shots... presentation was great btw.. funny too! I've not gone to the bar for a drink before a speech since.... However, now I speak to over 125 managers monthly so it's nothing to me now.
xub3rn00dlexI'm betting that the drink before the presentation got you to those 125 managers today!
i'm keed i'm keed, but it goes to show everyone just how important speech is.
I was just curious because i'm an economics and finance major myself so I wanted to know whether or not accounting worked for you, since it seems to me that most of the accountants I know are ok with where they ended, but aren't perfectly satisfied.
xub3rn00dlexYou mean to tell me you've got a speech about cooking, and nobody here has suggested women in the kitchen jokes? The absurdity!
waltri gave the speech already, somebody on perfs source discussion gave me a joke about women (the class is 90% female)
why do women not need drivers licenses?
there's no roads between the kitchen and the bedroom.
it went over pretty good actually lol
xub3rn00dlexLOL. I shit you not but if that was my assigned topic I would have finished in 30 seconds.
"So, my presentation is going to be on methods for cooking. Ladies, I leave it to you."
That's it
waltrlol
A guy walks into a bar after a hard days work, sits down next to another patron and says give me what "he's having" The guy next to him says I don't know man, this is a powerful drink. The other guy says, I can handle anything right now. The patron next to him says this is really a powerful. drinking it will give you the ability to fly.. Your full of shit the man replies and in that instance the other guy opens the window jumps out, fly's around the building and back in to his seat. The new patron cannot believe his eyes. He downs the drink jumps out the window falling to his death.. The bartender says.. you know Superman, your a real asshole when your drunk.
And here's one more:
*a guys in a bar and spots an attractive female on the other end of the bar. She comes down and starts chatting him up. After a few drinks she notices he has a mark from a wedding band and asks if he's married. He replies no, my wife just left me because I'm to freaky in bed. No way! , she exclaims. My husband left me for the same reason. She asks him if he wants to go to her house and get freaky. He'll ya! He says.
So at her place, she says, excuse me while I go change. When she comes back 15 minutes later she's wearing a full latex suit complete with zipper face, cut outs around nipples which are both sporting clamps, she's got hand cuffs in one hand and a whip in the other. As she enters the room she sees the guy is walking out the door.
Hey, she says, I thought we were gonna get freaky? He says, I already shit in your purse and fu**ed your dog, what else did you have in mind?
thats a good one !!
Warning, the following content does not express the views of the author! This will be to f 'd up to use but here goes
*there's 5 dudes and a girl stranded on an island. After a week the girl feels so ashamed about what she's been doing, she kills herself!
A week later the guys feels so ashamed about what they've been doing, they bury her....
A week later they feel so bad, they dig her back up.
Sorry everyone that was offended by that.
What is the topic?
waltrmy speech is a demonstration of how to cook something
Ask them what's the difference between "the meal in question" and Obama.
Tell them that your meal is capable of feeding a family of four.
"Hello. I'll start off by letting all of you know that hitler had only one testicle, so did napoleon. Also,
turtles can breathe through their butts. Now for my speech.."
Start:
I'll try not to talk too long. They say its best to leave your audience before your audience leaves you.
Finish:
I hope you enjoyed my speech and if you did not, I hope you had a good nap.
biggerthanyouYou have speech class how the fuck old are you? Lol noticed u leave it off ur profile
waltrlate 20's
i'm going back to school kind of late
lol
biggerthanyouNiceee congrats on going back man, that's a hard thing to do I know! Hit it hard
waltrit's actually kind of funny being in classrooms full of younger people, makes me wish i had known back then what i do now
What's got two thumbs and loves blowjobs? "....thumbs pointing to yourself you say...THIS GUY!!!"
waltrlol, i think that would be almost too inapropriate
A guy gets on a bus blowing an alligator.
The bus driver says "That's sick, you can't bring that thing on here!"
The Alligator say's "You got a problem with Homosexuals!"
Ba doom boom!