+ 3 Played with my own head - My PCT confession.
So I figured out why my PCT sucked ass and I had such a hard time. This is a confession and a lesson to those who might do something as dumb as me.
Since the loss of my mother and my addiction to opiates I've been on antidepressants. Very few people know. Not that I'm embarrassed about it, it's just none of people's business but in this case, like I said, I don't want people making the same mistake so I'm telling you all. To be specific, I am on lexapro.
Well, on cycle I felt so amazing I literally thought I could taper off the drug and that I didn't need it. I played doctor with myself and tapered slowly. I cut down to 3/4 of my dose no problem. Did that for a few weeks to a month then dropped it to half my original dose. Looking back, that's when everything went wrong but at the same time I was headed into PCT. I assumed everything was because of pct but once I got my latest labs and saw my test had jumped a lot in only two weeks I realized I was recovering. I was a walking zombie though.
So i said fuck it and upped my dose back to normal and within days I was back to normal. I'm not so sad and gloomy, I'm not so tired like I was, my morning wood has returned and my libido is about the same as before cycle. Still not that great but it never was.
To be honest I'm a little bummed that I'm that dependent on it, I thought for sure I didn't need it but coming off is something I want to do but I guess for now it's not in the cards.
Anyway, moral of the story, don't fuck with antidepressants. They can fuck with you in a major way. Stupid... Very stupid choice by me. Live n learn. Never again will I do that on my own.
- Bookmark
- 3
- 0
i took a couple different antidepressants for several years, the 1st 14 or so months prozac and then the remainder of the time paxil. i dont know how they differ structurally compared to lexapro, might be a different demon entirely, but it helped me through the darkest days of my life.
that being said, i reached a point where i realized suddenly i was no longer feeling the full spectrum of human emotion. nothing could make me sad or get me down, and that may sound like a good thing but when you cant even cry when finding out your best friend overdosed and died, you begin to revaluate things i guess.
im not saying antidepressants are bad by any means or that they dont help people, but in my experience and humble opinion, they are not natural. we as human beings are meant to feel EVERYTHING, the good and the bad. i look at medication now as almost a necessary evil i guess - its an aid, not an end all solution. i stopped taking all medication in october of 2010, and i feel BETTER actually because i feel everything im meant to feel i suppose.
im not knockin you brother or encouraging you to drop your meds at all, just sharing my experience. it really did help me get past some really difficult times, but it was hard to figure out when i was okay to stop taking it and just had to take the plunge. i wish you the best of everything my friend, stay strong
Really glad you posted this bro. Im in the same ordeal. Both of my parents passed away. So i can definitely relate. Ive never been on antidepressants but i thought that it would make my PCT a little easier. I was planning on taking them through PCT. Now, i know that that is not the right way to go. Really appreciate the post man. Plus 1 if i could.
Good post man. Pct definitely is the wrong to to come off antidepressants. Sorry for the loss of your mom and keep hammering brother