HUNTERS:::BIG GUNS........SMALL PENIS
In my neck of the woods we have a school-related program for small children called Safety Town. It's where they teach kids about being safe........You know, common sense-type shit that keeps them out of harms way, like not picking up dead squirrels........not getting in vans with fat guys you don't know, and looking both ways before crossing the street. Stuff that even animals can figure out.
Well, most animals anyway. Deer seem to fuck up that road-crossing thing all the time.
So one day, I'm cruising along with my 5 year old son in the car and we pass a deer lying on the side of the road----apperently struck by a car-----or possibly raped and murdered by a pedeerphile. Either way, I saw an opportunity to have some fun, so I say to Brandon,..."Look Brandon, that stupid deer is sleeping on the side of the road. If he doesn't find a better place to nap, he's gonna get hit by a car". My son then looked up at me with complete seriousness and said....."He did't go to Safety Town, did he dad".
Anyway, after I regained control of the car from laughing so hard, I wondered-----why didn't the guy who hit the deer get out and throw it in the trunk???? I mean, we have hunters around here who sit in a camoflaged tree stand for HOURS waiting for some unsuspecting deer to venture across the field so they can pick him off with 30.06 tricked out with a scope, range finder, and aubible que to let you know when you're "locked on".
That shit doesn't impress me---not at all. That's not hunting to me.
No,... if you want to impress me with your hunting skills, then show me a video of you chasing that big buck with a buck knife----for miles----- wearing nothing but a loin cloth and war paint. I wanna see you engaged in an epic battle that would make the Ali-Frasier fight look like tiny-tot thumb wrestling at a day care. I wanna see you with an antler stuck in your gut while you're thrusting your knife over and over into what will be your dinner that night. I wanna see deer fur on your salt-crusted, dry lips, gasping for air----with no game warden in sight to save your bitch ass.
But you're NOT impressing me when the only effort you put out is the squeeze of a trigger after you blew a deer-call into a bull horn (that's entrapment by the way), sprayed deer-pussy-scent from a fire hose over the entire forest, set out an entire heard of female decoys---all dressed out in bikinis, make-up and breast enhancement, and brought in a deer psychologist as a consultant------all from the comfort of a heated, carpeted deer stand with theater seating and plasma T.V.----just in case things are a little slow. What the fuck-----why not just call in air support from an F-15 and carpet-bomb them. That way, you can insure your ego will remain intact at the end of the day.
Hey----I'm all for hunting, and I loves me some deer jerky. But if you need all the shit offered at Bass Pro Shop to get the job done, then you're probably the same guy who shoots fish in a barrel and then tells all the guys at the bar how hard you fought to reel one in.
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this shit had me laughing great post bro
HAHAHA, funniest thing I have read in a while, this got me in stitches, truth and hilarity.
Gothic - You and the boys will like this - Enjoy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9NKH13hrp0c
Good shit! I remember a while back a video of a hunter that shot at a deer and missed. The deer then got on its hind legs and fucked up the hunter. +1 for the deer.
Hey Logan. I think I found the video you were thinking of. Yep - Good shit for sure! X10 for the deer.
I know the one that you are speaking of - its flippin hysterical. If I can find it today I'll post it.
To answer your question regarding why not toss the deer in the trunk? Unfortunately, it's a game violation to do so - in Alaska anyway and I suspect the rest of the lower 48 also.. The Troopers will normally call a church or food bank that is next on a rotation list to come pick up and process the game - moose mostly. No one wants a deer that has been trashed US steel.
I have three freezers full of steaks too - My friend drops a steer by the house (processed) when I get low. So, I'll take my red meat any way I can get it. Mountain hunting is hard work, but most rewarding mentally and athletically speaking.
Where I live you have to call the cops and they make a report....but I think they let you have the deer afterward.
Truth is, my hunting rant is nothing more than a way to crack a smile------I couldn't write stuff if all had to go on was plain old boring reality...lol
Would love to go hunting sometime....but not deer. That shit seems to hard and the deer seem to smart. I was thinking turtles or 3-toed sloths.
It's a funny post for sure and you gained great reactions from both sides of the fence. I thought you were hilarious!
Note to everyone: the trouble with email correspondence (at times) is that it is often misunderstood. Misunderstood because you do not have the opportunity to read body language or tone of voice in written words - got it? See it all the time. I love the conversation between Goth and his son regarding Safey Town. LMAO!
That's some spastic shit there Goth. You're obviously generalizing. Funny post though - great read. A person has to be a prime athlete to hunt with men like me and ED. I normally just roll by goofy comments without saying anything, however, I have to stop, take a moment and call bull shit on you. You're a great bro though, no homo.
1jakd_hipyOhhhh, how I've missed these. And I would tag team organized religion with you, jus' sayin'
AnonSend me money, send me green
Heaven you will meet.
Make a contribution and...
You'll get the better seat!
1jakd_hipyJust put the money in the basket...praise Jesus...priest needs a new car
LOLOLOLOL!!!!
Mission accomplished! I knew I'd find a way to ruffle feathers, and it turns out that hunting was the perfect angle.
Remember guys.....I just offer you the hay------you're the ones who feed on it.
The cool thing is the interaction----voicing of opinions. And to be quite honest, I would LOVE to hunt-----with all the cool sniper shit and explosives and everything. The problem is, I simply don't have the patience....at least not until the economy collapses and I have to do so out of necessity.
GOTH RULE #1....99% of what I say in my rants is simply meant to inspire dialogue, debate....and maybe a smile or two. My actual feelings may or may not be reflected in what I say.
By the way, I'm getting my first crossbow this spring----will be using it to hunt Bald Eagles.
Oh bullshit Goth...Yea its me...BULLSHIT!!! this was your religious experience. This was your way of confessing several things. Remember, I read through all of the lines and have my psychological consultant on hand, and the priest by the way, This was clearly a confession about feeling guilty for having killed bambi in an outdoor deep woods rape session and having to explain why you had to go back and pick her up and stuff her in your freezer as part of this next cycle's diet. Also, little peeter syndrome has popped up her pretty little head. All that talk about big guns---that you dont have. I hear bro. I'm not a big packer either, but I have learned to compensate with the fine art of fisting.
So the priest says you sins are forgiven, they just passed new dogma and bestiality is now acceptable, as you know the child molestation had to be cut back due to public outcry. He says just spit out a couple of "hail fairies" and you're all good.
Where in the HELL have you been.
I've been worried sick.
I hang out reading here and there. The neighborhood has changed so much I just sit back and watch now a days. Been poking around lately cause I am ready to ride again and saw you are up to your same ol self. I asked grrrl where you where and she told me id find you here talking smack like always so I came to harass.
two words... "face book" roflmao... although I bet he doesn't get to talk about goats or fisting on there.
oh and PS I do talk about goats and fisting over there its just called "truth is" and "numbers" over there. lol I just pictured Tread doing a film and Goth directing called "Goats and Gorillas, an anal view"
Now you know damn well I dont talk much. once I do its usually smart ass crap to keep the smiles up, BUT dang grrrl why you trying to bust me out, I have a rep to keep in tact, until you said that everyone thought I was just a hardcore....awe shit ...I guess everyone knew I was just an ol softy trying to hang out with the kool kids like you.
You are such a hard ass I figured no one would believe that any way ..
I was ruffled. Still am. I don't know why you liberal, Barry Obama fellating jackasses hate America.
Talk about low blows. Attacking guns and my small penis all in one post.
Your free Chalupa-- when I'm working just got downsized to a soft taco.
tread-mHow do you like your best friend now you piece of shit? Now you can both FO! Btw, quit callin my house beggin bitch, ain't happenin!
Come on bro. You know I love you baby. Who took off a half day of work to judge your precious EBC? That's right. Your best friend Ed. So quit your cryin son and clean off that nasty ass couch so I can have a place to sleep tonight.
You know-- I want you to be my best friend but I think you don't want to make the effort any more. I take a look at Goth's page and who is his number 1 upvote? Me. Why? Because he understands that friends support friends. That's why he gets the free Chalupa at Taco Bell and you only get the cheesey fiesta potato.
I didn't even make your list and that hurts pretty damn bad.
You made my list, but I guess you don't know how to be a true friend.
I give give give and all you do is take take take.
CleyonStill on that one? He did it for gear bro, you know how that is.
Looking over your past post, I saw this coming! It is good to have these discussions and thus far no one making it a personal attack.
I could create some absolute MASTERPIECES on organized religion-----but Grrrl would lose all of her business.....:)
AnonYeah bro, it reminds me of the saying "The truth hurts" got to walk on egg shells when you speak of religion.
See and you never thought you would have to go into politics
CleyonLOL, True, good one Goth, you got my feathers up. But it only degenerated slightly.
AnonIve got to tell you who the real dickless characters are, is Shark fishermen.
Real men get right in the water with the sharks !
lol, noodeling is much more hardcore. Dudes catch 60lb catfish by hand using their own arm as bait. Those things can drown you when they get hold of your arm. Gangster!
Hell yeah! That's my shit. I head north to the Red River quite often to do some noodling. That's some southern fun right there lol
Anonoh yeah , plus they are reaching in to dark muddy holes !
scootertrampNothing wrong with a mudhole. Hahaha!
Most hunters are pussy but not all. Im in the deep south, we have cats that hunt 800lb wild hogs with razor sharp tusks with only a pitbull and a big ass knife. That, brother, is a sportsman. The dudes who feed a deer all year like its a damn pet then sit in a tree waiting to cap him with a laser scope are whack but on the other end of the spectrum are guys like Cleyon who creep up within 50yrds of a deer with nothing more than a bow and arrow, Rambo style. Trust me a deer isnt easy to to sneak up on tromping through the bush, hell they arent even easy to find. Not all hunters are pussy, just most.
AnonAll you mighty hunters that claim its all pussy shit to go to the grocery store have obviously never been to the Hannaford in my town on a Sunday or before a snow storm !
Last Sunday alone I had to do battle with 3 women who I wanst even sure were women, I still think they might have been part Grizzly.
Lmao!
CleyonLOL! I think my wife fought one of those once at a shoe sale. The beast even claimed she wore a size 6!
AnonWere you an Al Bundy fan in married w children ? I loved that show
Cracker Puhleeze.
You are as delirious as a priest coaching a t-ball team.
I am a hunter. I have hunted using archery, Spears, and very large rifles, so I consider myself an expert on the subject.
First let me ease your mind on the road kill situation. As one who has tried to butcher road kill, I can tell you that the meat is generally bloodshot, and tastes like Indian food carrying the herpes virus. It's just no good. So that is out.
Now lets talk about this hunting thing--
As previously mentioned, I've hunted primitively (Spear, Bow and Arrow) and I have hunted using the finest firearms and optics ever made, and I can tell you that hunting Elk at a 9000 ft altitude with a 300 ultra mag topped with a Swarovski scope is some of the toughest hunting I've ever experienced. (For the record, a 300 ultra mag is like a 30-06 on steroids.) (Cant believe you of all people with 20+ inch arms is even having a conversation about compensation...)
When a man hunts to harvest his meat, he has to mask his scent, camoflauge his body, needs to be in good physical shape, and be familiar with enough with his equipment to make good clean shots. Two years ago, I shot a bull elk in at 9000' + elevation at range of 620 yards. One cant make a shot like that without having the best equipment and knowing the exact trajectory of the bullet. One cant make that shot if he doesn't pull the trigger with the right timing in between heart beats.
I shot that bastard elk, that I hiked my ass off to hunt stalk an find only to have to pack that 1000+ lb beast 15 miles off the fricken mountain in -30 F weather!
Hardest damn hunt of my life.
I'll tell you what Is pussy.
Going to the store and buying meat that a butcher shot point blank in a frickin calving stall while it was eating grain. That is pussy. Having someone else kill your meat? Kind of chicken shit if you ask me.
Now I'll admit, there are some pretty pussy hunts out there but none are more pussy than taking a cow to the butcher and that's a fact.
Finally, I want to address this safety town bullshit. I had that when I was growing up but my dad would never let me do it because he thought it was pussy. My old man had his own safety town. He would dress me up in red and drop me off in a Compton Crip run neighborhood with a dull pocket knife and tell me to find my way home. That shit is how you learn survival skills.
So I'm done with my rant. I'll leave you with a very important clip from a very important movie along with all of my no homo love.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XwwOF3ztiZU
AnonBrother, I know you put a dash of humor in there, but there is a good amount of truth in there as well. I would say that you worked your ass off for that Elk way more than I did when I went to the steak house this week and ordered the biggest T-bone they had. The cow that I ate was probably a steer (balls cut off with loppers), de-horned branded, etc. at least the elk lived a free life and death was probably so fast he didn't suffer long. You can get online and watch a movie called "meet your meat" and see the suffering these animals go through. I think hunting is far more humane than animals living a life o shit just to be slaughtered. There is a lot of fuck-ups in those slaughter houses also far more horrific than hunting.
LOL....yesterday Grrl and I were behind a school bus and we had to stop (along with every other car in a 10-block radius) and I told Grrl....."Why the fuck do we have to stop? I mean, WHO is going to stop the traffic for these pampered brats the REST of the day everytime they want to cross the street?." These kids are basically taught to run in the street after getting off the bus without looking purely out of force of habit.
See ed you & Goth are making the same point in the sense of skill and the lack there of. A shot like you describe is not an easy shot not to mention what must be factored in for issues that most untrained people have never heard of like weather and temp conditions, and the Coriolis effect at 1000yds etc. The circumstances you laid out are legitimate high level stalking and killing scenarios. The ones Goth laid out I believe maybe I am wrong is about the guy in a tree stand 30 yards from the kill shot with a bucket of bait to draw. Now I have to head off to the butcher I have to pick up my 3 lbs of finely chopped beef for my chef to prepare:P
CleyonI don't like shooting game at more than 300 yards... because that means I've got to walk another 300yrds to get it, and it's never in the same direction as base camp or the truck. I preffer to stalk and see how close I can get.
See once again though "stalk" being the key word! That is the skill to be undetected otherwise there is no shot no matter what implement one is using. Where I currently reside I harass the local hunters and have pleaded with them to take out the term "hunting" and call it bait, wait and kill. Stalking is key if you made the shot at 2 feet in your opinion after getting that close would that not be more of achievement! Yes because you would have been a ghost. That is how we were taught to look at it. Ever body is in love with the long shot but they give little credit to the stalk.
CleyonOk, even if they are sitting in a blind, facing a feeder, and taking a 40yrd shot with a 7MM, how is that less sporting than you going to pick up a steak at the Piggly Wiggly?
They still have to practice scent control, stay very quiet, wait in the cold, and make the shot. What are the obstacles at the Piggly Wiggly? You might slip on spilled orange juice as you walk down the isle toward the meat? If your flip flops slap too hard does the meat run away? How long are you out in the cold?
It really bugs me that you think harassing the hunters is all fun and games. You do realize they have firearms right? Yet you aren't scared of them, maybe they aren't the insane low brow creatures you think they are.
AnonEnjoyed this post !
lol, True there are no obstacles at the Piggly BUT people who go there dont call themselves sportsmen or hunters for doing it either.
Well where I am it is not cold, also they are friends, and I hunt as well, but not from a tree stand. But you got me on the Piggly Wiggly. And yes I do think it is fun and games they don't seem to mind.