That was my biggest fear when I was trying to get clean. I was just like you I used any and everything since I was 15/16. All I knew was getting high. I got high to feel good I got high because I was broke I got high because I had money I got high because my cat shit the floor so you get the picture I'm trying to paint here right. I didn't know what I was going to do I didn't know how I was going to live my life clean. I had. To find something to replace the drugs and I had to find something quick. I got to the gym and it took over my life I became addicted due to my addictive personality. I got into fishing and it took over no matter what I took up it took over my life but at least I was staying clean I said. My family could see how I just traded in the drugs for hobbies and how they were becoming a problem but all I could ever say to them was at least I was staying clean.

I know what I'm about to say some want agree with and if you get offended by it well I'm sorry I really am. I found God and the search and with that I found the peace I was looking for now granted I'm not perfect by no means I slip with my words and actions some times I do but I'm quick to ask forgiveness and I keep tricking. It has really helped my in my daily life and it has really helped my family. Like I said it might not be for everyone but I say give it a try you have nothing to lose and a chance to gain a whole new and better life. Hope I can help just one person by my message but if not it is what it is. I love all my fellow recovering addicts and I'd do anything for anyone of you and I'm always around if any ever just need to talk or vent I'm here for ya. Take care my brothers.

Jay, how are you doing brother?

I hope that what I said made some sense to you lol... sometimes what I think & what I actually communicate are 2 different things!! Ask my wife hahaha

Be super proud of yourself for being clean 5 years bro. We all know most people don't make It out alive. For some reason u, me, jar and cummin apart all lived. Its our responsibility to make the best of it. I'm sure many of our dead friends would love a second chance. Do whatever u have to to get out of your own head. Like jar said, time with family, even find a sponsee clear the cobwebs and reward yourself for surviving, being a good father and husband. Theres lots of shit bags out there that never touched drugs or alcohol. We have a one of a kind perspective on life and a whole lot to be grateful for. Sometimes life sucks, but it could always suck much much worse. Or do what I do. Head out to Walmart and the first dude u see with smurf pjays, a nascar hat and a starter jacket from 95 will help put things in perspective.

I’m with you man, I’ve done just about everything too but tobacco is definitely the hardest!
Especially this time of year when it’s cold , dark and gloomy, when those thoughts start going through my head I remember back all the money I spent and shit I’ve done and think it was all for what? NOTHING! All it did was make me feel good for that moment.
Stay strong brother, it’s definitely not worth it but yes I too have that feeling at times

I think there are seasons that we all face like that brother. After years of doing whatever we want & however we want, our wires gets crossed in our minds. When we’re dealing with drug & alcohol addiction, we all lose ourselves as we indulge more & more into that high & it’s that high that actually makes us feel normal. It becomes such a norm to us that we start assuming that most people are just like us. I remember looking at people that was looking at me & thinking either they were high or they couldn’t notice that I was high. Now looking on the onside, it’s very obvious when someone is under an influence. The battle starts in the mind & leads to the soul. The soul is our psyche or our seat of emotions. All of these changes starts to affect everything in our bodies without us paying much attention. It’s when we try to kick it that it becomes obvious. Every part of my body hurt & I thought I would die. I said all that to say this. After we’re dried out, our bodies slowly change & start to function correctly without the drugs. There are times that the mind subliminally remembers certain emotions & how they feel & it in return triggers your emotions. Emotions respond to a feeling or thought whither it’s true or not. What it all comes down to now is that something seems to be missing. The question is how we choose to feel that void. If we feel that void with something that actually takes life from us rather than give, what we’re doing is counterproductive & the void is only filled temporarily because we know it’s not what we should be doing. You’re a family man. A husband & a father. Every decision you make affects those around you positively or negatively. Smoking will have what effect on them? It’s your choice to feel that void anyway you want, but I’d feel it with something that makes me a better person, a better husband & a better father. Search yourself brother & you will see you that the thing you’re missing is also in your control to have. The first thing I’d advise is to spend extra time with the family & extra time watching the wife & kids & remembering why you love them & how much you love them. The more you’re away the more susceptible you are, but the closer you are the safer you are also. When something bad is extracted from your life, always fill it with something good!! Reach out to me anytime bro & I hope this was some help & encouragement to you. I’ve been through that same season brother & made it safely, so I know how you feel man.