+ 4 Finding Fullfillment
"We weren't oriented toward fulfillment; we focused on the emptiness and worthlessness of it all."
Basic Text, p. 89 Narcotics Anonymous
I'm not good at originality, but I can cut and paste. This quote on today's "Just For Today" spoke to me more than most. I used for years and was miserable and high all the time. I live today to be of service. I'm not perfect, but I am willing to grow. I think the same is true for my hobby of bodybuilding. Lifting just makes me happy. Recently, a fellow senior at "House of Pain" asked me "What are going to do when you grow muscles?" I replied "just stay in this body." I just want to live a long life. Big change for me. I looked forward to ending my life, and had little regard for saving my life in active addiction. Now, I remind myself life is important, every time I fasten my safety belt. A serious car accident September 11, 2021 re-affirmed my love for life, and the importance of wearing the belt.
I must not take too much testosterone + gear, I am up to 1200mg of Test and Masterone a week. 2CC 2X week(2CC Monday & 2CC Thursday), of 300mg sustanon300 and 300mg of masterone mix. I have been on since May 1, '21. 5"10" 182 pounds this week, and still wearing 30" waist jeans. Moving more weight, and better stamina. Bench is up. Deadlifts are up. Squats are deeper, and more reps= 60 reps on Monday. Arms are stronger, 3 sets of 21's yesterday. Skull crushers are fun again.
Getting usual sides. Addiction tells me to use more gear. Common sense tells me use less. Can't stop buying shit I don't need at thrift stores. Acting out on anonymous sex regularly. 2 Thanksgiving parties this week, I plan on eating my weight in pie and turkey.
Saw 2 Doc's this week. Did quarterly regular blood work. Got good results from both, don't need to go back to either one for 6 months. Yee Haw~!
Thanks for reading this.
Life is Fuckin' Great again~!