Life is a series of decisions, actions, and consequences. When we were using or drinking, our decisions were usually driven by our disease of drugs and drinking , resulting in self-destructive actions and dire consequences. We came to see decision making as a rigged game, one we should play as little as possible.
It falls back to a compulsive behavior we have once we start drinking or using. We can't help our self its nature of our disease but as we recover our decision abilities to get better with time it turn from reaction to a response.