In the same boat buddy. I finally gave in and am now on methadone. For now methadone is my sober. It saved my life and is worth the criticism. It’s way better than killing myself from street shit and the lab tests keep me accountable other Rec. Drug wise. No drinking or anything off the street for almost a year now. 4/20 is my sober day ironically. Testosterone, good friends, and methadone have been keeping me afloat. Lost lots of people I loved and was close to through a nasty divorce where true colors came through. It’s crazy how you’ll know someone all their life and really find out that they’ve been doing something shady or just manipulate with no regard for others. Mental health conditions are real and PLENTY of them make fuckers self-absorbed especially in todays 50 gender politically correct society. I love and am super grateful for the community of guys that has been cultivated here. Y’all know who you are. If you’re ever struggling or just need someone to talk to I am always here brothers. No questions, judgement, or even responses if you want. I’ve been down the darkest path of many many things and don’t want to see anyone else make those same mistakes. Keep your head up- it always gets better for whoever needs to hear it!

Full homo

Addiction is a sneaky bitch. I’ve always found going and doing some form of exercise helps. Walking in nature grounds my mind and helps with the urges. Nature brings me back into check. I fell off the wagon recently for a night. It was so shit. That urge came and I gave into it. Was all regretful etc but I just redouble my efforts and get myself back into a decent place again to resist the urges.
I’m going to be tested again this weekend and I’m already nervous about how I will act. But you’ve got to find faith in yourself to be able to get through these tests.
Hope you got through your test and are feeling better about life soon. Your not alone

Thanks for sharing, I'm glad you are here. We all feel your pain. I promise life gets better if you stay clean, butt sometimes Recovery takes longer than we would like. thanks

Hang in there my brother when it rains it storms but it always clears up . Slow down and figure out what are stressors and try to eliminate where you can . Rooting for you keeping you in my prayers my friend .

It'll get better brother, try to use that stress as a motivator to do what you need to to make the situation better. I've been under crazy amounts of stress for years. Seems like it's always something but as long as you are doing everything you can then just tell yourself you're doing what needs to be done and doing it to the best of your ability and there's nothing to gain from letting the stress get to you.

Holler at me if you need someone to talk to brother. Just message me on here and we can talk if you would like. Good luck

Don't worry buddy - I've had the past 48 hours from Hell wondering where everything is gonna head and how I will find a solution to it all, but have some Faith like we always say mate, because 4 hours ago solitude returned back into my life and normality resumed once again LOL Oh and I just smashed some great weights I ain't got near in over a month somehow, even though I nearly left them alone tonight as my head wasn't in it - But there is nothing more rewarding than a Grind and a Struggle and seeing a reward at the end of it all Tomorrow is a new day matey - Look after yourself and don't be Weak minded and give into alcohol and everything will sort out, you'll see

I always zone out and shit out everything negative going on in my life in the gym. To me, for a while now, it's my only place of solitude that provides me a time to mentally sort everything out. The past is just that, the past, we can't change it. We only control our future.

Don't let it get ya down brother. It's always half full. Those times are gonna come and go a hundred times over. Just keep pushing through it. We've made it this far right?
I've had my own mess to instantly myself lately. One day at a time becomes one minute at a time. Whatever it takes to get me through. Ya ever wanna talk, feel free to fr me and dm. I'm always available brother. Keep your head up!