I started my first cycle after only two years of lifting seriously. This was my first mistake. I did one bodybuilding show and thought I was ready. I had been researching steroids for years and I was done having kids so I thought this would be the right time to try it out. I have lifted off and on since college but have never been an athlete. I lurked on this site for years and read and then read some more. I hope this post serves as a caution and a warning for new steroid users as well as validation that this community really does help people.

My second mistake was only pulling my test levels pre cycle which were 550 ng/dl. I did not do the full panel although I do have results from a physical a couple years ago that has lipids and CBC and a little more. I also did not pull bloods mid cycle and I should have.
I love buying drugs on the internet by the way! I said to myself " I am going to do this right!" I bought Test C and Test PH. I bought aromasin, arimidex, clomid, and torem. I even bought accutane and cialis. I chose Torem after careful research and thought over Nolva due to it being less harsh. I laid out my cycle plan on the calendar and my goals. I was 195 and I wanted to push past 200 and thought I needed gear to do this since I had not been able to accomplish it in 2 years. I would start with 500mg per week of Test C and then end with Test PH while the C cleared and then start my PCT two weeks after my last C pin and 4 days after my last PH pin.
My actual experience on cycle was great for the first 6 weeks. I felt like having sex all day long and I was so strong. I gained 15 pounds and got to 210. None of my clothes fit and everyone was like what are you doing? My wife said I was getting angry too easily though so I had to back off the dosage down to 300 per week. This seemed to do the trick and I felt great again. I was taking .5mg of the arimidex every other day even though I had no idea if I needed it or not.
That's when things went south though. I started getting worried about having to buy all new clothes so I backed off my diet plan. I justified things like double meat and double cheese by thinking I am bulking who cares? I stopped all cardio and even though I am a good middle distance runner I couldn't even run a mile. The last two weeks I got winded going up the stairs while carrying one of my kids. I will admit now that I relied on the drugs and thought they would make everything else not matter so much. Boy was I wrong! This was my third mistake and it was huge. And the thing is I KNEW not to think this way. You guys told me through your posts about getting everything dialed in and the drugs are the icing on the cake not the foundation.
Fast forward to today. I just completed 4 weeks of my PCT plan. 50mg ED of clomid and 100mg of Torem with a reduction each week by 20mg. Also, I took aromasin every day half a pill so that's 12.5mg. I knew I would feel terrible but I was underprepared for the feeling of depression that set in about week 2 of PCT. I have never had an issue in bed and there was one day I could not get hard no matter what, even with the cialis. I will tell you guys talk about ED on here like its no big deal but man its a mental blow to. an already fragile state of being. I got a full blood panel last week and I am waiting on results which I will share when I get them. I have a feeling I may have crashed my estrogen with the aromasin. That is of course a guess. Today I feel much better and I am on the road to recovery. I can have sex again and thankfully that part didn't last more than a few days.

I weighed in this morning at 204lbs but I am visibly fatter than when I started my cycle. I have lost most of the muscle I gained. All of my clothes fit again and no one comments on my huge arms. I have always had abs and now I cannot see them as well. I can run 3 miles again and I feel much better as far as cardio endurance goes. I am back on. strict diet and exercise with heavy lifts. I have maintained some strength but certainly not all. I can only hope my test is kicking back in, fells like it is, but I won't know until another blood test in a few weeks. I am open to criticism and or suggestions. I have everything I need for my next cut cycle to get show ready for October but I may decide not to do it again. I am waiting to make that choice until I feel my head is clear.
The main thing I hope people understand from this post is that even a college educated, intelligent professional with enough money and time to do this thing right, made enough mistakes to not keep many of his gains and basically wasted a cycle. And potentially harmed his health and might be worse off than before he started. I used to read those warnings and think, "How could you not benefit from steroids?! They are so powerful!" Now I know how it could happen. I have learned a ton and gained a lot of experience but at what cost? Right now I do not know but I will keep you guys posted. Thank you for taking the time to read this and reply. Thank you also for the support and advice. Even if I do not cycle again I think I will stick around here and post and read. I am embarrassed to post pics but I will post my show pic so you can see how awesome I was at 178 lbs with abs lol!