Poorly managed cycle - recovery advice required
Hello,
Before i begin i realise how stupid and irresponsible this will read and ask you not to judge me. I never intend to cycle again and just want to get back to my normal self asap. Its a long thread but i cant put into words how much i value your time/response.
At age 22 in Around April/May 2015 i ran a cycle of test-e 250mg twice a week all the way up to September. I was young and stupid and was extremely negligent towards possible side affects. I threw anavar in towards the end of the cylce and my testicles shrivelled up to nothing at one point. I did not manage E2 with any sort or AI so throughout the cycle I had ED issues even though libido was here. I didnt use hcg on cycle either. On a long coach journey whilst on i also had a case of very bad swollen feet which i believe is down to high E2 and have varicose veins in one of them.
At the end of the cycle in september 2015 i took tamoxifen following dosgaes recommended online somewhere for about 4 weeks and threw in some arimidex not really knowing what i was doing. My libido was okayish but i always struggled to maintain an erection and it never felt the same.
I had a bloods done in june 2016 after avoiding the GP for as long as poss and he said everything was fine and in range so i put it down to being a psychological thing. I also believed it was however the reason i knew it wasnt was i went on holiday twice that summer, and each time after a few days in the sun POW i was back to my normal self ! Feeling happier, libido like it used to be and no signs of ED ! exactly how i was pre steroids. However a few days upon returning to the UK it was back to low test symptoms. I figured vitamin D definiciency may be the cause and was buzzing to test my theory however supplementing with this even at high does did nothing ? (I have read about other people with this observation regarding the sunlight post steroid cycle) ????
So when the doctor dismissed me i was down and did some stupid 2/3 week course of winstrol at 50mg a day before i went on holiday in September 2016 as a bit of a confidence booster with some friends who are also uneducated on steroid use and we did no pct.
I paid my GP to see the blood results from june 2016 and the only useful value i could really see was that my total serum testosterone was 11.7nmol/L. This was 7 months after finishing the cycle so within range but when i looked ... well out for a 23 year old ?! My GP never picked up on this ... then i foolishly threw more steroids in myself ?!
I just dont get the sexual urges i used to before steroids but libido was dealable. I just dont feel like i used to before i touched them. I could get an erection and have some pleasure but struggled to maintain it and nowhere near pre steroids.
I paid to privately see an endo and he recommended i just wait it out as im young and it could take up to 3 years to return to homeostasis. The GP didnt have a clue when i mentioned things like clomid and nolvadex, never tested my E2 and said i could have counselling.
I went on OTC test boosters and a PCT product with reservatrol in for two months at the end of 2016, and my libido went way down and ED worsened and ive had no libido since. I could look at the hottest of women and nothing. I had bloods done in December which came in at:-
Testosterone 29.7nmol/L (7.6-31.4)
Free Test 0.677nmol/L (0.30 - 1)
Oestradiol 226.7pmol/L (0-191.99)
SHBG 31.24nmol/L (16-55)
FSH 2.03 IU/L (1.5 - 12.4)
LH 7.9 IU/L (1.7 - 9.6)
That E2 was sky high and explained why i then had 0 libido. The OTC PCT product with reservatrol seemed to be acting like a serm however my E2 rose in proportion with my T. I have since stopped these products and experimented with clomid however it made me feel so down i stopped everythibg for 4 weeks.
I have began to redo a long PCT of clomid 25 and nolva 20 daily on the advice of smarter forum users. My balls are slughtly bigger and i have been getting the odd morning erection but theres no libido with them. The only supplements i take apart from this are Vit D @ 5000iu and ZMA. when can i expect during this pct for my sexual function to hopefully come back / has anyone ever been through this before
i just want to make sure im doing this right.
Doctors dismiss me and i have to reach out for advice on the internet its so difficult. I want to live like a normal 24 year old. I really have paid for my stupidity.
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The holiday thing makes me wonder if it is something like anxiety/depression
Have you tried to meditate or explored whether you could have anxiety?
Whats your bf%, diet/lifestyle like?
Do you drink much?
What type of foods you eat?
It sounds to me you started with the ED when you started the anavar.Like the other guys below Im certainly not giving advice but caber may be the answer for the libido.19 nors seem to cause this problem for a lot of people.I use to think my estrogen was too high as well,but the real problem was the deca!Estrogen was fine.Tren and anavar do the same thing to me as deca so I dont do either,without cabergoline on hand.The best bet is probably to take some time though,since you are very young,pct will probably correct your problem in time.
Why on earth would you be suggesting caber. He hasn't even mentioned anything about taking a 19-nor. At least suggest he get his prolactin levels checked first.
Sorry but I wasnt suggesting he take anything, but he did mention avavar and thats when the ed started.I think my overall advice was see a better doctor and take more time.I will be more careful.If it can be deleted I will also delete.
Please be careful about giving information and advice, especially to someone very young or doesn't know better.
Suggesting he try something, especially without having any evidence other than a hunch is very poor advice.
They OP clearly had a habit of trying fix it on his own and by making very bad decisions. Please think things through before giving advice.
I wasnt suggesting he take anything,but I will be more careful.
For the record if you watch open a lot it can lead to ed and lack of libido quit porn for a month
Thanks for the heads up. I'm going to quit watching porn now.
Lol don't have to quit just limit yourself
Ok, good. You had me worried there for a bit.
This is not true. Watching a lot of porn causes a desentisation to this form of stimulus and thus a new more exciting form of stimulus, wether it be porn or physical stimulus, will most likely be sort after. Becoming desentised to porn is not, and I repeat not ED.
This advice is ridiculous.
I don't know. I'm 37 and porn is still as exciting to me as it was at 9
it is real I'm not a bible thumper or anything but it will lead to ed
http://www.mensjournal.com/health-fitness/health/are-you-watching-too-mu...
Do some research before calling someone out tough guy
I'll just leave a few of these here to counter your irrefutable men's journal article and I'll just say that one includes a written article by a physiologist and another article by two doctors with PhDs
https://www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/blog/women-who-st...
https://www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.express.co.uk/life-style/life/741757/...
https://www.google.co.uk/amp/www.latimes.com/science/sciencenow/la-sci-s...
http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/sm2.58/abstract
Once i get home from the gym I'll pull some up as well from doctors as well and trust me man I've been there the last time I ran tren it was bad and no it wasn't prolactin or e2 I quit watching porn and was able to kick start that fucker back up lol
We could go round in circles on this so we can agree to disagree on this one.
Have a good gym session and I'm pleased abstaining from porn has healed your Johnstone
You're absolutely correct,porn can desensitize you from being aroused from regular sex.Rubbing one out too often can have the same effect.
Your body is complex and your endocrine system is very sensitive. It can be frustrating to wait it out because you want to feel "normal" asap. I bet your levels will fully balance and your body will acclimate, in time. At your age you want to have sex with tons of girls and I'm sure it embarrassing if you try and can't perform. You need to give you body time though.
Endocrinology is very complex and there's still so.much unknown. Even though levels can be balanced, it can take a while for your neurology and or physiology catch up and manifest a "normal" state.
Your young, I'm sure you will recover. Justvdont follow your stupid choice pattern and quit doing shit to further complicate the situation.
Hang in there. I would suggest seeing a specialist if you can afford it, or to see another doctor and get a second opinion. Your test levels look great, so I would say that it may be a mind over matter. Just like some guys can get there too quickly, stress may actually make that even worse. You are supposed to be enjoying yourself in this aspect, so relax a little and try to enjoy. I know you said you have low libido, but try to not stress on it, I would say that will only make things worse.
I don't suggest adding more and more drugs on top of the problems you already have that were caused by, you guessed it, DRUGS! Give your body a chance to clear out and get used to baseline levels and numbers. Give yourself a rest and reprieve from the chemicals and just focus on lifting heavy and eating right. You are a perfect age, and your body will spring back. Keep us updated on things, and try to stay positive.
like mak said your levels look good. I believe that you are fine but this is why under 25 shouldn't use gear. It will change you completely even though your numbers are good the sex and your feelings aren't. Thats because just like if you were to have used drugs they gave you the ultimate high and now you don't feel that anymore. I say all it will take is time but you will never feel like you did. Through life your body is always changing. Im 35 now I don't have the same sex I had only 2-3yrs ago and the sex 10yrs ago was way different. As you keep getting older your body will keep changing its a normal thing.
Something else is going on other than your test levels. You are on the high end of normal along with great free test numbers. Estro is a little high but that is it. Quit fooling around with drugs trying to fix something that isn't broken or you will actually end up breaking it. Your issues can't be blamed on test levels since they are great. It is something else like, diet, stress, lack of sleep so figure out what it is cause it is not your test levels.
I agree here. No more drugs to try and fix yourself.
I live in the UK too and sadly my libido is fucked in winter / colder months but give me sun on my skin, give me sea, a breeze through my hair and the boy is back in business. Also agree with the stress, lack of sleep and diet - they all play a huge role in boosting libido.
So yeah OP sit back and relax and scrutinise the external influencing factors.
RustyhookerYup. Seasonal affective. It can hit me too when theres too many gloomy/cloudy days
I have a brother that works at some computer company in Seattle,............ every winter he complained how the cloud and rain affect him and all his nerdy fellow workers.
ETA: me, life is good in texas,............ except for the butt pirate goat loving neighbors.
If I were you. Get hcg and take weekly for next month. Lots of clomid. That's what it will take to recover. Research
Why HCG and lots of clomid??? There is nothing to recover since his levels are perfectly fine.
My bad. I thought he was low in test and not recovered. Disregard my comment.
Ouch bro, I wouldnt want to give you advice as I am not as well versed in these things as some on this site. I just had to comment because I hear the pain and struggle in you. We all do foolish things and I hope that endo is right when he said it will take time but will come back. As shitty as it is for you it probably is good u posted this. Hopefully someone that may be in the same shoes you were pre 1st cycle will find this and read it and think twice. I feel for you man, I cant imagine how you feel with those problems at your age. Hopefully someone here can direct you where to go. It really sounds like an issue for a dr or endo. Maybe try a 2nd or 3rd opinion elsewhere? Im sure your frustrated with lack of progress. Good luck friend!