The goal of this is to get huge and get ladies. You definitely want to be lifting as big as posssible without gaining any fat. Most people will set a goal in the 20-30lbs of muscle gained and aim for about 6% body fat over the first semester.

Here's the program:

Workout drink: Muscle milk in a shaker bottle.

Warm up: Cardio machine for 20 mins. Middle row machine or behind the best yoga pants. Don't sweat too much in case you see some ladies to talk to.

Lifts / Reps / Weight:

Smith Machine Squats / 2x20 / just the bar (don't want the legs to get too big so you can get that V taper!)
Squat Rack Curls / 4 sets to failure / heaviest weight you can get. (Gotta build those guns)
Barbell Bench Press / 3 sets at 1RM / get your max on the bar so people dont make fun of you. its a psychological thing.
"Skinny Indian Guy" Psychokinetic Chest Press / 4 mins / No weight. You do this exercise by putting your body weight in plates on the hammer tech machine (about 120 lbs) and then staring at it while slouching. Don't worry, you will figure out how it works eventually. In the meantime you can psych yourself up.
Dumbell Rack Dumbell Curls / 2 sets to fail / Find a weight you can do 12 reps with then add 15 lbs to that. Make sure to get as close to the rack as possible. Gotta be alpha and claim your spot in the gym, while u build those guns bro!
Conversation Curls / 1 min or 3 sentences / Find the biggest dude in the gym and try to talk to him while he's deadlifting. For the advanced version ask him how long until he's done when he's in the middle of his set.
Cable Machine / 3 sets 12 reps / find any cable machine and pull on it for a little while. Make sure to get some protein in.
Arched Back Deadlift / 2 sets 5 reps or to injury / Add an extra plate onto the bar so you can get big quicker. Don't worry about form, just make sure it gets off the ground
Standing Dumbbell Bicep Curls / 2 sets 10 reps / use one size smaller than u did for Rack Dumbbell Curls since this is for hypertrophy. Arms are the first thing a woman sees.
Crunches / Do about 50 on the exercise ball next to the cardio machines so you can be seen.

Diet:
U will see a lot of diet advice on the internet but just ignore it because 1. u don't wanna get too fat and 2. you gotta be able to account for the Natty Light at the house parties. What u wanna do is get almost entirely protein. So buy two tubs of muscle milk when the loan check arrives and then supplement with casein. Don't use creatine cause it will make you bloated! Your fat will come from pizza and just assume that your carbs will come from any alcohol calories.

Gym etiquette:

Never take your sunglasses off. You have to keep from being distracted and the women won't know you're staring
If someone takes more than 30 seconds after a set they're probably done with that equipment so you can go ahead and move their stuff.
Unused incline benches are the perfect place to sit and talk to your friends.
ENJOY THE MIRIN BITCHES AND GETTING HUGE!!

Resources: Pretty much anything on Bodybuilding.com supplements section is going to be a good choice. Just make sure to always keep that body fat below 6%. ALWAYS CUT BEFORE YOU BULK! This is pragmatic because the best parties are in the fall so you don't have time to turn into a fat fuck if you are going to get laid.

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