Just a word of advice for all you blokes looking to save time and thinking about using hair removal cream rather than getting waxed or using a good ol fashioned mach 3..

'NEVER NAIR DOWN THERE!!!!'

I had a genius idea when trying to impress the mrs one day.. I thought FUCK IT! Ill spoil her! She doesnt need to be pulling pubes from teeth in between getting tea bagged and playing the rusty trombone!!!

'Ill fkn NAIR my sack!! Yeh she'll love it'

(By the way NAIR is hair removal cream)

Aanyways.. I read the label.. It said 10-15 mins for leg and arm hair :/ i figured well!? My pubes are twice as thick and twice as long as a womens arm hair! Soo... 20-30 mins and she'll be apples riiight!? Right!

So i squeezed a good table spoons worth and rubbed it on my sack n crack :/ 5 mins later.. Nothing.. So i thought id wait another 5 or 10 and assess the situation again and within 4 or 5 minutes Ooh My Fuucking GOD!!
My balls were fucking on FIRE! my arse hole felt like it had been violated by a fucking bottle of caustic soda!! The SINGLE most PAINFUL experience of my life!!! And to think just dabbing my sack in the kitchen sink full of cold water would help... NOOO mate it did not fkn help!! I dabbed for a good 5 minutes it did NOT HELP a tad!! I was screaming mate! Literally bloody petrified i thought id done some real damage gents!
So i run to the freezer and grab a bag of frozen peas to sit on :/ not even the pain from literally icing the sack'n'crack could save me from the torment i had inflicted on myself! So i wait another 5 maybe 10 minutes and mates.. shit just got worse!! My balls by this stage where well and truly hiding in my throat and my arsehole was red raw and bloody well stinging!!
So i ran to the bathroom and ran some water as hot as i could and thought fuuk hot water MUST be the answer!! So i dropped the flannel in the sink and didnt even bother ringing it out who gives a shit about the mess at this point right!!?

And then i dabbed it... :(
HOLY MOTHER OF CUNT!

And to think id recently been in pain..
LOL no no.. THIS WAS PAIN!!!
By this stage the mrs and her nan had pulled up and could hear my helpless whimpering/groaning! The mrs naturally assumed i was having a good old fashioned fap in the bathroom and charged through the door like a nun!! "Whaat the fuuu..., LOL LOL LOL"
Oh yeh the bitch thought it was hilarious.. She'd caught me bowel wiping the frozen peas and then dabbing hot water just trying to get some fkn balance goin on cause this shit just wasnt right.... Aanyhows she suggested i dab some talcum powder on my now red raw man bits and wouldnt ya know it... Within a few minutes i was back to being able to walk again :/ well it was more of a limp cross crab walk but ya get the point!

Upon further investigation ol' muppet had lost atleast 2 layers of skin on both his sack and his crack! And guess what! I didnt even get a teabag :( even tho my nuts where as smooth and shiny as a porcelin plate! God damn

So blokes take it from me..

NEVER NAIR DOWN THERE!!