+ 5 Loss
So I'm not sure why I'm putting this on here, but I need a way to organize my thoughts and feelings.
My daughter's best friend, both are 10, was misdiagnosed with mono on Monday, rushed to the hospital on Wednesday and died last night from aml leukemia. Brain bleeds which led to brain death and the parents had to decide at what time to pull the plug.
This little girl was nothing but a ball of light. Every time her and my daughter would play, never any fighting, never any bickering or complaining or jealousy. Just a constant maximizer of fun. When the 2 of them were together it was like they became one person and a whirlwind at the same time. When they were apart, my daughter would just be bored out of her mind. My wife and I looked at her like she was our unofficial daughter. Even our first interaction I knew something was different. I'm bearded and have a real RBF which makes most kids keep some distance. Not her. She was about 6 when we all met at my oldest son's baseball game. The girls immediately started playing. I ran back to the house to make popcorn and bring it back for everyone for a snack in separate baggies. I spilled mine and she seen, she immediately ran up to me and laughed, and not in a bratty way, but in a "I'm here to party" way. 10 minutes later, she runs back up to me and asks "hey, you remember when you spilled that popcorn? I laughed at you" but again without brattyness, just a genuine "life's not serious" way.
My wife and daughter were at the hospital and were able to say goodbye to her. Although it was post brain death so I'm not sure if she was still there or not.
My daughter just wishes she can play with her friend one last time.
I feel like I'm blubbering like an asshole for a child that wasn't mine. I can't imagine how her actual parents feel. I can't imagine losing my daughter so fast. Being herself on Sunday, and then sat I'm pulling her plug. I've had a decent amount of death in my life. All of which had some sort of sense to it. I can't find any in this.
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That’s awful man. So sorry for your loss. Death of children is the most unfair thing that happens in life. You don’t fully understand the magnitude of this until you have your own kids. RIP.
I Hope you are feeling alright buddy
Death for kids is literally the worst. They never got to fully live and they're still so innocent. It doesn't make sense. Sorry for your loss, all you can do is be there for your daughter and stay strong man!!!
Sorry for your loss fellow iron brother ! Being a parent I understand !
We’re all human and we all mourn! Sorry for your loss man, be there for your daughter, she’s gonna need you
Ranger3252I have no words to describe your pain, sounds like she was a second daughter to you. I’ve been around death my whole adult life, whether it be close friends, family or the supposed enemy we hunted down like dogs. Some made sense and some was just senseless. Watching some of my closest friends who I served commit suicide. I’ve stopped counting and I’ve stopped going to funerals because my mind just can’t process it any more as it’s become a normal thing. I hope you can find some sort of relief and healing in this. Just don’t wind up like me and become flat and numb. If you need to talk PM me,
So sorry for your and your kiddos loss, and the unbearable pain the parents must be feeling. Anybody who is a parent shares the fear of something happening to their children.
Sometimes life is far beyond our comprehension, and the small, insignificant things we fixate on on a daily get put in to perspective.
Feeling for you and yours sandman.
Thank you.
Don’t apologize for feeling empathy bro. I don’t believe I truly knew what love was until I had children of my own and now although I considered it’s made me “soft”, I struggle witnessing the suffering of children. I’m sorry for your loss and we’re all here for you.
It not that I feel bad for feeling empathy. It's that I feel selfish for feeling this hurt by it, like she was mine. I feel like it takes away from her actual parents in a weird way. I don't know, it's hard to explain. But I do appreciate you responding, thank you.
Does it Hell buddy!! It shows that you are a caring and emotional person who appreciated all the joy and happiness she brought your own daughter too, I imagine it has upset you deeply as you have had her round playing many times at your house and to see a happy, innocent child like that suddenly taken from the world is extremely upsetting. The people who I never understand are the ones who never get upset about anything such as death and loss, I cannot understand how they feel nothing.
I’m so sorry for your loss my friend. I’m not a religious person, at all, I actually despise modern organized religion but I do believe that there’s something bigger than us at play. I’ve seen too many things to think otherwise. That little girl isn’t gone bro. You may not be able to see her run up, sit down next to you, and crack a joke with her feisty smile, but she’s still around. You’ll think of her out of the blue in ten years for no reason whatsoever, and you’ll remember all your fond memories of her. Although you lost a little friend, you just gained a little angel that will always be looking over your shoulder. Just remember the next time you get a warm fuzzy feeling for no reason, it may be her. The next time you get a really bad feeling about something, it may be her looking out for you. I don’t think anyone ever really leaves, we just become unconfined to these bodies. I hope you can find peace in all this buddy, losses like this never make sense and aren’t easy.
I believe that too, just hurts so bad since she was/is my daughter's like, other half. They are both just so easy going and down for whatever is going to be fun. Together they were a literal tornado of positive fun. I never had to check on them. Never had to really worry about them. All I knew was that fun was being had.
Saying “is” your daughters better half is the right thing to say. These things aren’t easy, and time heals, but ultimately the best advice I can give is don’t try to rationalize or make any sense of it. It’s not possible. Just remember we only get to experience gods special humans for a little while, long enough to learn something from, then he brings them home, he keeps the best ones for himself.
Thank you for being one that always jumps in with kind words. I appreciate it.
Unfortunately buddy it feels like life can be extremely cruel at times, and you look for reasons as to why things have happened to good people and what could possibly justify them if there is any God at all - and often there are no answers to be found. I am finding as I get older that there is a lot of truth to the saying that 'Only the good die young'. It's so much worse when its children too as they have so much vulnerability and haven't really even begun to enjoy their lives or had chance to experience many of the things that we have. I am afraid nothing is going to make you feel any better about this for some time mate, you will feel sad and upset for a while as anyone would but in time hopefully the pain and upset will be replaced with happier memories. Try to be there for her parents as much as possible because without doubt this will be utter hell for them. Was she their only child or do they have others?
"Only the good die young" , I can't help but have that same feeling. Growing up in an abusive household, physically and mentally by parents, other ways by other people. All of my aunts were druggie prostitutes, or druggies life destroyers in some way. Most of the people around me were terrible. All continue to float through life spreading misery. All will probably live another 20 years. Every halfway decent person I've ever known seems to get fucked I some sort of way. My wife is my trophy, but she had to grow up with abuse too. My children are amazing, but they have me as a father, I'm sure I'm falling short. I'm tired of feeling like everything is a goddamn test. It was really so necessary to take this person out who made everything so much easier.
If there is any possible easier way of looking at this mate, then at least the reason for this happening is because of something that no one could do anything about or prevent. The human body is a miracle and masterpiece in the way it works, regenerates and repairs itself with millions of biological processes happening all day long to keep us alive. Unfortuantely in rare cases all it takes is for a few cells to become distorted or altered in some way that none of us can see or recognize, but the results can be devastating - hence why you end up with heartbreaking consequences like this. Imagine how you and her parents would be feeling right now mate is some guy had got hold of her nearby and abducted her never to be seen again until her body was discovered, or someone ran over her drunk. Its just a VERY, VERY sad situation mate. I am not sure if the sudden loss is better than seeing her die over maybe a year where the suffering goes on much longer and the results are inevitable, I don't know pal. I am pretty bad myself when it comes to people and animals dying - I was heartborken for a year after my last gineau pig died and would often get upset if I sat and thought about him for a long time afterwards. Sometimes I found it much better if I changed my train of thought and did something else to distract me.
All I know pal is I know and recognize a Good, decent and fair human being when I come across one, and I have always found you to be a good hearted & friendly guy on here from our interactions. If you are anything like you are when you talk to me and others on here with your daughters - then they for sure have a brilliant and loving father and don't doubt yourself ever on that front buddy
Thank you for taking the time to read and reply to this. I really appreciate the kind words. Your definitely a pillar to this community and I'm glad I stumbled over here.
They have 2 others. She was the youngest