Losing respect for a friend
Im wondering if anyone has experienced something similar to this. My best boy and I met about 3 years ago at a business we were both working at. We realized quickly that we had very similar personalities and got along great. For the next couple years we hung out a few times a week and talked pretty much every day. The two of us got really tight really quick.
So this brings me to my issue. It all started when he began to malinger to get out of the marines his 2nd year in. At first we joked about it, until I realized he was actually committed to bullshitting his way out. He actually walks around with a sling on either arm all day, pretending to be unable to work. I lost a great deal of respect for him.
The malingering issue forced me to look at other issues Ive been having with him. One of our commonalities is our interest in bodybuilding. However, I started to realize after 3 years that he's more into the talking about bodybuilding and watching motivational you tubes than actually putting the work in at the gym or kitchen. He will get inspired to start a keto diet and then quit 3 days later claiming he lost 10 pounds. We will make plans to work out on his holiday leave, and he will be a no show the whole time. If you're not into it great, but dont waste my time by pretending to be as committed as me.
I think it comes down to his childhood. His parents allowed him to join a sports team and quit a week later. Now, 20 years later, he's capable of walking away from anything that gets difficult. Ive also noticed that he preserves his superiority complex by avoiding anything that will make him look weak or unintelligent.
Now in a few months we are supposed to move to a new state, and possibly room together. So now I have limited time to resolve some of these issues.
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Z499I don't think he's committed, As for the marines they'll figure out he's bullshitting real quick. Speak your mind, if he can't handle it then you will find out how much of a friend he really is.
breakingfaceThat's a good point. It seems like he is willing to do anything to avoid emotional or psychical discomfort. But it's our ability to stay committed regardless of the discomfort that gives us character.
GoldPowerFollow your heart and decid what's best for you no matter what anyone else says.
breakingfaceI also try to keep in mind that he's 20. Not every 20 year old has their shit together, or even know who they are for that matter. I certainly dont want to be measured by the type of person I was in my early 20s.
Why cant you tell him how you feel. I know you might think that stuff could be considered being sensitive, but if you care for your friendship with him, you can help him fix his issues. He will regret the malingering shit for the rest of his life, since he knows he didn't give it 100%. He might have some psychological issues if he wants to get out. Just sit down and talk, you might understand each others perspectives.
breakingfaceIm def. going to work on it.
My dude grunts all the fucking time, like a drill sergeant. He gets a few brews in him and he starts pretending he is Lee Ermey (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._Lee_Ermey). He cant leave that stuff behind. I know it is part of us but he is reliving the glory years. I think he is doing that to hide his weaknesses he has from serving, he no longer talks about how the shitty things they made him do while deployed. "HOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHAAAA! What are you lookin at?" I tell him to stop barking, he sounds ridiculous. He likes to criticize me for being in a unit, according to him, that wasn't as tough as his, or deploying to a safer place than his. I tell him that the more you grunt and bark, the more you show your toughness. We both have pride for what we did, but lately his ego has been getting the best of him. It shows by the girls not wanting to talk to him. His is my dude and I will always have his back, but he needs to correct his shit, and I will call him on it because I care.
tons of experience with this. BOTTOM LINE- as an adult you grow out of people and they grow out of you. This concept is especially progressed by being awesome. If you are awesome, you are committed, you dont "get" things out of life you "take "them... you will experience an above average number of people that try to take from you to better themselves, try to put you down to make themselves feel better, or they will decide that they cant be around you because you are just too true (probably call you "blunt" or whatever) and you make them uncomfortable.
some people can be very particular, myself, possibly you. I dont like hanging around people that set themselves up to fail. Its probable that you will always LOVE this guy because hes your bro, but you wont LIKE him because of some stuff that he does. (que the "facts of life" theme song) youll be fine bro.
as a former and always will be USMC, i quit reading your post as soon as i got to the malingering. it made me sick. sorry but i have a sense of pride as a marine that runs deep, and any marine knows that pride. I cut my ties with him right than. GONE
Ive had the same 3 "best" friends since 1st grade, and dozens and dozens of others that hAve come and gone due to reasons similar toyour situation. Like someone already stated, when a friend is a constant negative aspect, its time to part ways.
Friends should be a positive influence in your life. You help each other to be better people every time you talk, meet, or whatever. When you occasionally have to help a friend out of a slump you do so gladly. When it is not a slump and the friend is a chronic negative influence in your life it is time to move on. I know it's difficult, but in the end you are the one that will be brought down, not up. I don't envy your situation, but I wish you the best.
breakingfacePerfect analysis.
My opinion would be so bias on this issue there would be no point in hearing it. But no I don't respect people who make a commitment and don't follow through.