Mate, if I may, advise would be in the event you haven't expressed this right here with the lady in your life, please do so, your wife is in your corner and will be your greatest asset thru this time. in the course of my back going out right up to surgery I came very close to pushing her out of my life forever. she took the kids and filed for divorce. looking back I deserved every bit of that because I mentally beat her up daily with my attitude, outlook and words. brother I had a real come to Jesus meeting with myself and thru the narcotic abuse I realised that I was also killing myself, not a warriors spirit. this can happen before you realize what's happening. I pray this isn't the case. so grab your wife by the hand kiss her, tell her how much you love her and share all your concerns, fears, and thoughts. once I got right with myself I was able to save my marriage and family in close to the last hour before that divorce was to be finalised. I believe when a man questions his ability and worth he'll say and do things he regrets. again not saying your at that point however what your facing and dealing with has the propensity to do so. Mate in the year I've been here I've seen the nature of your spirit, and that is of a genuine warrior. your well-being and that of your family will remain in my thoughts and prayers. please post progress no matter how small or large. be well my friend!

Brother, I had a widow maker heart attack a bit over a year ago and was dead for 2 minutes before they zapped me with the paddles. It took me some time to realize that my heart attack wasn't a weakness but something that proves how bad ass I am. I survived something that has killed the majority of people that this has happened to. Im grateful to be alive and see my loved ones even if for another day. You should understand that you are a warrior. A conqueror that has survived a devastating illness that surely would have killed other lesser people. Take up arms, fellow warrior and let's get this sh*t going! You and I will be better and stronger than ANYONE will ever believe. I'm there with you brother in Spirit!

What you are going through would have taken any lesser a man down bro. I know first hand. The two things that you are dealing with have taken the two strongest people I've ever known off this earth. To have made it this far is a major accomplishment. Keep your head up. Keep fighting the fight and you will kick it in the ass. And last but not least smile. You're still here with us. Strokes can and will take someone with absolutely no warning. It happened to my dad. One second he is standing there the next he's lying there. Gone. Nothing anyone could have done differently.

I don't often talk about this stuff with anyone, let alone the Internet, but you're describing exactly how I was after my bike accident a decade ago and it touched a nerve with me.

You've got every right to behave how you are, I certainly did. It made me loathe myself though, something you're starting to describe. I bounced back, you will too.

I won't go into details here, but if you do want to talk / moan / lean on I'm only a pm away

As you stated, all of those drugs will make you a cranky bastard. Being aware of that is a good start to being able to deal with it. I've been through a severe injury and I found the biggest key was to be patient. It's super hard, but it's really theonly way and it won't come over night.
I give you all the props in the world for standing up for what you perceived as you going off the rails for a moment. We've all been there and will be there again. Hang I there and know that you have many who support you. Very best of luck to you.

don't sweat it brother, you should've seen my pops when he got out of the hospital. he was a mean bastard to begin with so it didn't help when he started losing his mind.

you'll be on top of it again in no time mate.

You have always been cool with me bro. No apology needed..

Hasa Diga Eebowai

Just sing this song... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xLb7_UrV3-A

times like these test a man's character, will, fortitude, determination, and just plain old stubborness. You've been through worse shit and come out smelling like a rose. You have a bunch of friends and support here that maybe you have forgotten about .. and we will forgive you because we know how hard it is to think rationally and logically when one is in pain, hit the bottom, and can only see where he has been not where he will go. If it has to be one hour at a time then so be it. if need be, I will help Tony put his foot in your ass. Use that anger and rage to focus your energies on getting better ... and then use it make you stronger..

If I could transfer some of my physical strength to you Mate, I would. Lord knows you have tons of inner strength. You WILL persevere. I knew there was more of a struggle going on than you originally let me into...my prayers are with you my brother

Bro time to grab those nuts and take one day at a time!!! Make a hundred small improvements and that will add up to one big improvement !!!! No need to Apoligize just get well bro

Mate enough is enough it's time to adapt and over come as you have in the past. Self Pitty and depression is giving ups ugly cuzzin your not giving up are you? Think like this you have overcome soo much and to give up now all that fighting would have been for nothing mate. Your marriage for ex behind every strong man is an even stronger woman an when one faulters and falls their partner picks them up and carries them not because they have to because they love the person I'm sure when you give the wife shit she gives it right back just as mine does. Is that arguing no it's motivational speaking and she cares. You have a family that is behind you all the way, just as the people on eroids are too, and let me be a touch selfish lol I am Also behind you too mate and I know I'm not to far from you so don't make me come up there and put my foot in your ass for motivation because I will mate I'll do it for a friend. You have overcome soo much more then most ever have or would. Your a strong man mentally and physically but strength comes from within and if that fire starts to dwindle you will dwindle mate. Don't just fight for yourself fight for the people that care about you. Now shit or get off the pot mate, Rome was not built in a day as you were not built in a day nor the things worth fighting for. This guy right here is not the guy I call my friend, the guy I call my friend would be like fuck this 15 pound dumbbell bring on the 20 let's get this show on the road I have shit to do and people to see. So pull it together you buzzard don't start busting at the seems now. Be the warrior that you've always been. People are judged by their accomplishments and you can tell a lot about a man's true integrity and strength at during his biggest time of struggle.

Brother I don't even know where to start with this, but I'm hoping things will clear up in the near future for you. Don't give up on yourself, this is your test. We can lift weights and be strong, but how strong are we mentally? Life gets rough at times and sometimes seems unfair, but you gotta pull your self together!

I'm really sorry to hear all of this. I want you to know I really appreciated your kind words 3 weeks ago when I was distraught about tearing the ligament in my elbow. You really helped me get through it the best I could. Stay strong brother. You will be back better than ever!