Thank you so much for sharing this, God bless you!!

Thanks bro appreciate that. I got sent home from boot camp in the army at the beginning of the year due to a pre existing back injury that flared up. The PA, she was a captain. She said I had to go home because of not only the injury but my age. Even my senior drill was like I respect that you came out but you’re going to get yourself or one of our guys killed in combat if your back goes out. Shit was a hard pill to swallow. All my immediate family have served and I was a day late and a dollar short to do my part. I gave up my car job and apartment to go into the army and when I came back I had literally the clothing on my back and the debt I have been carrying that I was hoping to pay off in the army never mind the lose of the ability to serve my country. I’m still fucked up about it. It was honestly the biggest reason I cycled up a few months after being back because I thought if I just felt better and had some more direction in my life I could get over the wtf that my life turned into. Not to mention I sat in military separation for months waiting to get sent home and they literally don’t allow you to do shit so my body got weak AF. People keep telling me oh well it’s good of you to have tried and we are proud of you for trying. I tell them I failed and there like no it’s not a failure it just was not meant to be or whatever. What is failing if not setting out to do something and not achieving the goal you know. But life goes on and although I still deal with the mind fuck of having all my eggs in one basket then the basket getting annihilated every day gets a bit better you know.

Needed to read this thread. A year ago I lost my family, my house, my dogs, and my business. Went through even more tough times as of late. Life just keeps kicking me in the nuts. If you told me a few years back that you were "depressed" or had "anxiety" id call you a pussy and tell you to man up. Well after having depression and severe anxiety this last year let me tell you that shit is rough and debilitating. I have my days now but I don't fall asleep with my Glock on my coffee table anymore thinking "today is the day I end it." Stay strong brothers. Im still struggling but everyday the hurt gets a little less and that gives me hope.

Was in and out of rehab twice due to PTSD from the box. I feel ya. Good on your friend to do a brother check in, he's top notch --

It’s weird, today we have to super progressive “victim Olympics” of who can be the most mentally ill, like it’s in style, when their biggest struggle is Not having enough safe spaces at work. And then we have people truly struggling in silence and are afraid to get help because of the stigma. Supposedly this is the most pro-mental illness generation but it seems to be having the opposite effect on the people that really need the help. We should start an actually productive mental health awareness movement for like strong men or something. In the hopes of making it more “cool” to speak up they somehow made it less “cool”

Good buddy you got there.

There are a lot of good people in the world that still care about others, that will neither judge or put you down behind closed doors - your friend sounds like one of them. Any time you ever feel like that buddy just come on here, there are always so many people to talk if you build up your contacts list. Reminds me of earlier this year at the Leeds Marathon where Kevin Sinfield carried his best friend over the finish line after pushing him 26 miles around the marathon as his best friend has MND and is paralysed.

Suffer well. We need it, we grow from it. Do not fear it. Do not run from it. embrace the fullness of life, the ebbs and flows of fortune. Suffering causes our focus to turn inward, to face those parts of ourselves we might otherwise ignore. Use suffering then to develop into a better person. Seize it as an opportunity not to be wasted.

When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.
'
For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.
Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself
He threshes you to make your naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God’s sacred feast.
'
All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life’s heart.
'
But if in your heart you would seek only love’s peace and love’s pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love’s threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.
'
--Kahlil Gibran; The Prophet.

Yes its definitely a dark place. I was in a real toxic relationship with a heavy addiction and thought their was no way out but death. Thanks to God i was found and alive today to say i am a changed man inside and out. People say that suicide is a selfish act or you are being selfish. That is not true, in our minds we think we are doing a selfless act and doing the people we love a favor. Its a sickness and they need help. My way out was Jesus Christ but there is light at the end when you feel there is no more going on.

Your buddy is a good friend to have. Stay strong

God bless you, Bro! Those dark thoughts haunt us all sometimes. Stay strong!!!

First off I commend you for even posting this. Respect to your friend too for checking on you. I'm sure this will help some alot. Alot of times folks that seem happy aren't. I'll just leave it at this...every tunnel is dark and scary as hell, with pitch blackness everywhere, but at the end of it there is ALWAYS a light. We just have to get there and if it takes crawling inch by inch well then so be it! A tough man admits his weaknesses and addresses those weaknesses, he doesn't tell himself to just GET OVER IT! Nahh

Hey man wishing you the best and stay strong my brother!

Thanks for the message brother.