This post is for all the new and upcoming juicers out there. Please read this carefully. This is important.

As I find myself back in eroids with my juice pumping family, It seems that a lot of juicer traditions are starting to get left behind and lost through time. We cannot let this happen.
I feel it is important for me as a pro to help you kids understand the way you need to live and the way you need to talk and the way you need to carry yourself if you’re going to keep using steroids. We are a family and we are our own culture. I love you guys (no homo) but Frankly, I’m embarrassed as shit over a few of you, and I care, so I want to help. Please listen to Uncle Ed and I will show you the way. Don’t me wrong, there are quite a few young Juicers that get it and act right. Bro knuckles to the young, up and coming youngsters who get it. This post is for the Bros who are a few cc’s short in their juicing game.
I would like to share with you 3 rules that need to be followed if you ever want to be respected in the juicing community.
Rule # 1
You need to use the word bro or brother in every single sentence.. when you are at the gym, at work, church, the strip club…everywhere. Even if you’re talking to your mother, you need to incorporate the word bro at all costs. If you are calling your dog, you need call him bro. He needs to know the he is bro. If your dog is a she..she needs to know that she is bro. If you have a cat (no homo) it is also bro. If you bump into somebody accidentally you say: “sorry bro” . If it is in a formal atmosphere you can say: “Pardon me Brother” or “Sorry bro, no homo” depending on how you bumped into him or her. . I call my dog bro, I call my cat bro, I call my sister bro, I call my wife bro, I call my kids bro. They know when I say “bro” that I’m talking to them. Each little bro in my family knows which bro they are by the tone of my voice. You need to do this too. Take a look at my tag. The word Pro is just one backwards c away from the word “Bro”. Because of this, it automatically means I’m right when it comes to bro-culture.
Rule number 2:
The use of the of the phrase “no homo” needs to be brought back and used at all times when needed. You might be thinking: “Ed, We are a woke society! we don’t need to use the phrase “no Homo”. It’s derogatory! “ Look kids, I get it, it’s important to love everybody and be kind to everybody, we are all bros. I get it…but if you’re a bodybuilder, it is critical that you master the use of No homo. If you need to purchase the No Homo Guidebook to understand…buy the damn book. You study your physique, you study the physiques of others, on top of that, you likely have a bro that you work out with, you likely have other bros that lift of whom you socialize with. You want to be able to give complements to other men without them thinking that you want to give him a reach-around in the bathroom. You could say something like: “bro show me your vacuum pose, no homo” or “Bro, when you do a rear lat spread, you need to lean back a little more and tilt your shoulders towards the audience, when you do that your Christmas Tree gives me a boner, no homo”. If you don’t say “no homo” he might be thinking you want a ride on his Christmas tree and others who don’t know what that means will think it too. Use “No homo”. If you shake your wiener more than three times while taking a piss in a public restroom, you need to look at the dude in the stall next to you say the words “no Homo” so that he doesn’t think you are shaking it for him. This is important. In the juice world, random boners happen. People need to be clear that your boner is not for the bros.
If you apologize for anything, you need to follow up with a solid “no homo”. There is nothing more homo than an apology. If you find yourself apologizing often…Knock that shit off. You are on the juice, testosterone is oozing out of your pores..therefore you are right….every damn time. You are always right about everything. If people can’t handle that, or understand this fact, it’s important that you kick their ass and establish dominance as the Alpha Male.
If you ever find yourself on an incline bench pushing dumbbells less than 120 pounds each…you need to say the word “no Homo” after each rep so that people won’t think that you’re gay…unless of course you are gay and you wanna be gay…then please don’t use no Homo. Be you. Be proud of who you are. Doing this is also a great motivator for a new guy who might have so much tren in his system that he thinks he starting to be gay because he popped a boner watching Pat Sajack adjudicate a game of Wheel of Fortune. Kids, we live in a confusing society, and it’s important to be able to know who is Homo and who is no Homo. It avoids confusion. Confusion is the last thing you need when you blood is flooded with more whore moans than the back of my eroid van on a Saturday night.
With this post, I would like to state unequivocally I am no Homo and will always be no homo. I have been a member of the No homo board of directors since 1990. I’ve written the majority of the chapters in the no homo guidebook including the bi-laws, no homo (that no homo was for the use of the word “bi”) including the no homo mission statement. I am the acting president of the no homo literary club. There are many rules that you need to follow that you are probably not aware of. For example, did you know if you take a very large shit in a public restroom and leave it in the toilet for others to appreciate, it is critical that you say “no Homo” on the way out of the bathroom just so people know that you didn’t enjoy it “too much”. If you are unsure of the appropriate use of the phrase “No homo”. Don’t be afraid to ask me. I want to help you. If you are homo and a juicer..please do not say “no homo” ever. Be proud of who you are. No homo is our word. Just as the N-word is the African American man’s word and nobody but the black man is allowed to say it. No homo is the Straight man’s word. Please respect this and please be proud of who you are. If you have been gay in the past and now identify as no homo…welcome back. We always have our arms open welcoming you back, no homo.
Rule number 3:
I would like to address the TikTok generation. If you are a member of this generation, please pay attention to this section.
If you’re in the gym, and if you’re a man, please don’t do tick-tock dances or TikTok lives in the gym..ever. Don’t do dances in the bathroom, don’t do dances in the shower, don’t do dances in the corner.. the gym is your church, and it ain’t a Pentecostal church. The only dancing allowed is when a hot chick walks into the gym and you feel the need to freak-dance and dry hump her. But that’s the only time. You are there to put in work and to motivate others to work. You might be thinking:” but Ed! TikTok is fun and all my friends are doing it! Is it ok if I do it at home?” The answer is yes, it is ok if you do TikTok dances or lives at home as long as you apply rule 17c from the 72nd chapter of the No homo guidebook. That rule states: “If you feel that you need to do TikTok dances or Lives to impress a girl, or cheer up your friends, It is ok as long as you say “no homo” at the beginning of the clip and end the clip with “no homo”. Furthermore, it is important to include the hashtag “#nohomobro” in the body of the text in all TikTok submissions. You never want to leave a question in anyone’s mind. Be you and establish who you are at all times and at all places.

Well kids, that’s probably enough juice culture for one post. If you finished this and don’t quite understand, read it again and again until you understand, Feel free to ask questions. I am here to help you bros and Brozettes be the Men and Women juice culture needs you to be.
All my love, no homo
Ed.