BOILING POINT
Most of us don't lead stress free lives. We all have aspects of our life that cause us stress. Whether its your children, finances, spouse, work, medical problems, whatever. In my case I was taught to "be a man, don't burden people" so I have a tendency to bottle it up. There are a few things going on in my life that cause enough strain that it brings me close to boiling over. I know you've all heard of roid rage. I don't believe that bullshit! Rage is not anger. Anger is a feeling. Rage is an emotion. Rage is one of the most difficult and most important emotions to deal with in a constructive way. When we are experiencing it, the adrenalin is running through us so strongly that our ability to think straight is seriously handicapped. In order to deal with it, it is important to get your mind properly orientated at a point when you are not feeling rage. It is extremely important to have your ethics correct. Then, and only then can you constructively deal with rage. Besides the day to day stresses of life, my real problem comes from people. Of course there are things in my life that get me angry, but not send me into a rage. No, only other people do that to me. I'm still trying to discover why or what the problem is. Whether its the little pencil neck at work who throws darts because he knows I won't hit him or the neighbor who likes to drink and mouths off ,I assume because he sees me as a challenge. Well dealing wit these kinds of people is a real challenge for me. I had an incident not too long ago with my neighbor. Started as a few words. Nothing crazy, but then he decided to invade my personal space. Obviously he isn't thinking clearly while intoxicated but I don't think of these things in the spur if the moment. It ended badly. I threw 1 punch that made a huge mess literally and figuratively. It could have ended so much worse however because of the decision I made. When my wife asks me "why do you get so worked up at what people say", I'm not sure how to answer her. I don't really know but I'll tell you my logic. Although I'm not better than anyone else, I am physically superior to most! I have trained the better part of 20 years to use my body as a weapon , I outweigh you by 50lbs and I feel like a piece of iron, so why the fuck would you want to take it there with me? I suppose I have a superiority complex in that sense. I'll never understand why people push. It's similar to the messing with sasquatch thing. You know he's gonna fuck you up so what are you doing! Anyway, I took this in a few different directions. My point is, I'm sure all of us deal wit this on some level. Some handle things better than others. Does the juice play a role? I don't think it does. If you're already a hot head, you're still going to be a hot head on juice. If you're timid and nothing bothers you, that won't change on juice. I'm at a point where I guess I need a therapist. I do have issues that cause a great deal of stress but that can't be the reason for experiencing rage. There must be more to it that I am failing to understand. I have tried a few suggested methods in te recent past. Yoga, meditating, just continuous awareness but they don't help in most cases. Heat of the moment, adreninline , I don't think very clearly. How do you keep from boiling over?
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Love this post. This is the thread where I got the reputation for killing hookers.
good post, superiority runs in my blood too, and i don't take shit from anyone. not to say i walk around with my chest puffed out looking for trouble, but if somebody thinks they can walk all over me, that definitely won't happen.
where i live is pretty mellow, conflict rarely ever happens anywhere i go, so i don't get put into situations where getting physical is necessary.
some mornings i wake up and wish a nigga would though.
AnonLOL, do you still have the same drunk neighbor?
Lol. Damn sure do!
Anondoes he keep his mouth shut these days?
I don't believe his wife lets him sit outside anymore. I don't see him. :-)
the problem is your lack of control. not trying to preach here. Because I am JUST as guilty as you are.
Happened to me again last summer.Neighbor asshole cut me off on my own street, then at the end of the
street wouldnt move. He beeped at me.I chase him. Get out car. There are 2 of them. (im not stupid).
I know I cant beat up both of them..but.. I do manage to scare the shit out of them both. I get back into
car.. and think..( WTF am I doing ???).. im 51.. there both in there 20-sih.. stupid yuppie a-holes..
and I SOOOO want to smash both of them in the face..
Reality.. Ok. lets say I do.. I have to go to court. If I get caught. Go to court. Pay money,etc..bs-bs-bs..
and for what ?..them cutting me off ?..
I have a really short temper.. thats why I lift.. to keep me slowed down. So I wont pull this shit again.
and I have to work on it..to keep me in this "state"...of being to worn out.. so i will think - before I do
this shit..
And this is before- I have ever cycled... so what to do ?.. Lift more.. you'll feel better.
Your already ahead of every body... but you need to think-- really think... before pulling out
the guns and pouncing on some shit bag... your wasting ALL of what you worked for on
this stupid shit--- for what reason ?.. Your PISSED.
I got..I understand it..Ive been there and I know Im older then you.. and Im still doing the same stupid shit I
would do when I was younger.. I really thought about all of this last year.. and Im done wasting my time
on pulling the trigger on people.. I already know I can smash this shit out of someone... but the law of the
land..sez--- YOU DO IT-- YOU GO TO COURT.. PERIOD.. that.. and spending my hard earned money
on someone like this - isn't worth it... think dollars.. and you wont do it.. ( or at least you wont want to do
it as much..)...
go lift.. relax.. get laid.. and feel better.. :)))
Lol, this is a year old my man
I know this is a year old but I fail to see any problem with your way of dealing with people ;). How is that for a ringing endorsement you know birds of a feather and all lol!
I can relate to this post.. I've always been the level headed person never let things bother me. However, it seems like the last two years of finding myself has shown me that I'm more of a hot headed person than I thought. I would never get mad over silly things that I know I am better than. I didn't care about things that didn't effect me directly. All of a sudden that's not the case with me anymore. Things get to me, they piss me off, hell they even hurt. I can't stop it.. can't turn it off.. it's like love it doesn't wash off no matter what the other person says.. I'm pissed and can only see red. What did you do? I know this post is about a year old, so what did you do to get past the anger?
Yes, Nitti a year later, how are you doing now?
As far as roid rage I only have this one cycle under my belt, but I can say without a doubt I was LESS hot headed on-cycle than I have ever been off. I felt in complete control this whole time.
Roid rage isn't real! High blood pressure caused by AAS use was a big part of this. But now it's a simple matter of being aware of the triggers. I can be a nasty mfer sometimes, but it takes a whole hell of a lot to get me there now. I saw a post about "what if eroids interaction was real life". there would be a lot of knocked out mfers laying around on the ground! ;-)
But i'm doing 100x better now! No more throwing punches at drunk neighbors.
lol, well that is good to hear. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do..
I am glad I could teach you a bit of my offense/self defense tactics. That will be one bottle of prop each please, thank you. hope you come back for the next class. Speech on how to assure the office you were the victim.
Lol
Swallow your pride. Either diffuse the situation and walk away or just walk away. All these comments refer back to pride, cops, who swung first.. Don't let the first punch get swung. Apologize for the miscommunication even if it's not your fault. Crack a joke you both can laugh at and move on. Especially if their drunk!
Well all of that is what logic says to do but my post is about not being able to control myself in that split second when it's time to react. Like my switch is broken. I'll get better with it. I'm constantly reminding myself of the consequences when I feel it coming.
No which is shocking. That was our (mainly my wife's) biggest concern. It was more so the guys wife that was rambling on to my wife about cops and blah blah. But it never happened. I was scared for a few days. I have a friend on eroids who I immediately contacted and asked wtf do I do. My wife had me in cuffs, tried , convicted and serving a nickel before I even knew if they called cops. Anyway, lucky for me, nothing has happened. No report. No protection order and the muthafucker doesn't bother me anymore. My kids play in
Peace.
AnonWell it was nerve racking!
My secret is... I'm always angry.
I'm good at detaching myself from unpleasant situations. I feel myself getting angry, but I'm not angry... if that makes sense.
Makes perfect sense, lol
One thing I learned in recovery is that I'm am also powerless over people. That had never crossed my mind before lol. With those type of people I chap their ass with kindness. It usually works. There is one line I use that always stops them in their tracks. I lower my voice (works better than yelling) and say quietly "you are talking to a combat vet, I will slit your throat and not thing twice about it." lol works like a charm. I get the same shit from people bro. Bottom line is it's their own insecurities that make them act like that. By seeing it that way, it's easier to feel sorry for them and just smile back. Some people do need a smack and I think your justified
I like that one too although I'm not a combat vet. But it's still a pretty bad ass thing to say!
You know, not all reactions are bad just bcause society deems them to be. Not all emotion and rage is bad. You just have to stop giving a shit so much. I try to live my life with the "I dont give a shit" mentality. Chances are if i cant change it Im not going to worry about it. If some dumb ass talks crazy to me cause he thinks Im a challenge then I am confident enough to know that he's not worth my time. its his ego thats hurt not mine. if he puts his hands on me then he will find out but otherwise he is generally safe. I hate to be disrespected in any form. But at the same time I have learned that me reacting to it gets me cuffed and he wins. So is it worth it? Like girl said things will start to work when you make them habbit. My rule is, unless you touch me you are safe. why? cause I dont care what you think or have to say or what you do as long as it doesnt put me in harms way. If you brick my car I will citizens arrest your ass, and when you resist, Cause you will, I will pound you ass into the ground, but other than that you dont change who I am so my boiling point is pretty high. You will figure it out if you want to. If you feel the need to hold onto your superiority complex it will only hurt you bro. I have taught my kids to fight (I train in MMA) and its so they dont have to not so they can. I feel the same way.
I can't disagree with you. You're right. I know what you're saying is the bottom line but ,there's a slight difference. In this particular situation with my neighbor, he was about to do something and it was obvious. I didn't give him the opportunity to "put his hands on me"! I was taught there are 10 rules to self defense. Rule 1) STRIKE FIRST AND STRIKE HARD! After that the other rules don't matter. I could have waited another half second and let him take a swing but my instincts wouldn't allow that. We all have the fight or flight instinct. It's what keeps us safe. It's a reaction. There is no time to think. But other than this particular case I know what you and grrrrl are saying is right. It has be be put into practice and become repedative in order to become instinct or habit. I'm working on it. I don't fly off the handle for no reason. I generally have a long fuse. Just lately it's getting shorter. Anxiety, stress, I'm under a lot and it's taking it's toll in that area and others. As for my superiority complex, well I did say I am not better than anyone so I guess it isn't a superiority complex. I am however PHYSICALLY SUPERIOR to the average joe. Besides the boxing , just brute strength, endurance, explosiveness ,speed, size, I AM SUPERIOR! I don't see how accepting that fact is going to hurt me. Or embracing it rather
I hear you but the thing that really does it for me is, if I know i want to kick your ass i will provoke you into taking the first swing and then have my happy way with you. think about this bro, if you know its coming...there is absolutely no way it should land. so just think of that for next time because I think of it as_ I aint going to jail over this ass hole too am I? when you are justified it makes it much easier to deal with it later. I guess I am just wise like that.
Very true! I guess you are just wise brother. Lol. Seriously tho, point taken. He wasn't landing that punch that he didn't get to throw. It was going to be the same result either way. Much smarter to let them swing first. It's just not something I think about tho. I react. I guess that's my fatal flaw and that's what will land me in cuffs if I don't learn to deal
Anonyou've "tried" a few suggestions in the recent past.. those suggestions are going to work the first time or even the tenth time.. those suggestions are supposed to become a part of your every day life. that is "when" they begin to work .. they aren't supposed to stop your rage, they are in place to keep you from reaching that point.. which again won't happen quickly. You've spent a life time of acting and reacting in certain ways you didn't think that implementing tools over a short span of time would immediately counteract a lifetime of practice ...did you?
fyi: emotions are feelings ;-)
Emotions; Biologically driven, cross cultural responses to enviornmental stimuli.
"Emotions are the "Raw material". They come with the DNA package. Feelings are the interpretation of the raw data given by the brain and reinforced by the individulas culture."
Courtesy of Dr. Jack Block, proffessor of psychology at UC Berkley
I made the comment in my post based on things i've been reading. I always thought emotions and feelings were the same. Apparently they aren't. Rage is an emotion, anger is the feeling. I understand your point and appreciate the feedback. I think you are right as well. It won't happen over night and it is a lifestyle change. SOmething I have to practice every day for the rest of my life. I will continue to look for new ways to keep calm. Your advice is always taken in high regard. Thank you
Anonreally if you want to get down to it, it all boils down to bio chemistry, neurons and synapses, the release of dopamine, nor epinephrine, serotonin..... I've been in this business a long time to know that whatever you want to call it, if you can't control it, what you call it really doesn't matter.
It is no secret that Goth has short fuse so it isn't like I don't know what you are talking about.. this is a day by day thing ... the reality is that the confrontation with the neighbor was in many ways justified..
I'm finding myself having to breathe through and remind myself that I need to calm down more often. I am convinced that stress and anxiety are making things worse or at least temporarily amplifying the feeling of wanting to go off! The neighbor, fuck him. He definitely deserved a smack in the mouth. I just don't want to feel like this shit controls me or i can't get a grip when I need to. I guess over thinking can be detremental too.
Anonyou are quite correct that stress and anxiety amplify everything .. lol.. I hope you knocked out all of his teeth ;-) .. maybe you and Gothic can start a support group?
There were definitely teeth on the ground! A support group? Let's do it.
AnonI agree with you. I don't think he practices those things to the fullest or gives them 100%. To his credit he does try and in his defense he is overwelmed with so much right now. It is not an excuse for him blowing up but I can see the strain all over his face. And for the life of me I can't understand why people push him so hard. I mean, you guys don't know him ,his backround or apperance, but these people do. He doesn't exactly have a look that says "yeah, I think i'll go fuck with that guy". Our neighbor that he mentioned, this guy sits on his porch, makes stupid little comments about my husband just loud enough for us to hear. He does little things like throw his trash on our pavement. He yells for our kids to stay away from his porch, just a bunch of stupid little jabs. My husband doesn't flinch! He laughs it off, totally ignores the guy and minds his business. My husband is a very quiet reserved person. He wouldn't even make eye contact with me when we first started dating. So this incident that occured was one of those rare occassions when we had a very long day. In and out of the hospital, a battery of tests, cranky kids. We got home and just wanted to sit outside and take a breather. This guy got up off his porch with his dirty wife beater and fat fuckin ass, said something about my kids to my husband and proceded to walk toward him after putting his beer down. I couldn't hear the conversation(something about a ball and his car) but I did hear Frank tell him to back up more than once. For whatever reason, this guy got closer all while getting louder and pumping his chest (if thats what u want to call it) out! When he got so close that Frank now had to back up, he [planted his feet and threw a punch. It didnt even look like much but the guy completely crumbled and fell fwd. I guess telling the story is just to create a better picture of what happened. Could he have turned around and walked away? Yes, should he have? I don't think so. He is the nicest, quietest guy I have ever met which is why I think people think they can push. He eats enough shit from people! I have been trying to help him by keeping him bubbly. Or trying to anyway. He always had it in him (the snapping) but his fuse has gotten shorter lately. Sometimes it's scary because of what he's capable of. My problem with it is I think he is more in control than he says. He has never snapped in front of my kids! NEVER! He can control himself, so why is it selective? I know he tries to bottle it up but that's not any better. It's something we all go through I guess.
I have thought about this a lot. I think crumpling someone with a quick left hook to the body (liver) would be effective and less ammo for a personal injury lawyer. When you bust up their face, there is a tough road ahead.
I started killing hookers about 3 years back and you wouldn't believe how much better I feel.
Note:
Killing hookers isn't for everyone so you are probably better off listening to Tread.
I spit my coffee all over the fuckin place when I read this! Hahaha, I needed that!
Cleyon+1, that was sooo wrong!
Glad I could help.
nitti im in the same boat as u. i was at a bar with a bunch of friends 6 months ago and some ass who was drunk got in my face cause he said "i brushed into him" and i ended up turning his lights out and caving his cheek bone in with one punch. this cocky prick even said do you no who the F iam. now this jerk off pressed charges on me and i was charged with felony assault and hes sueing the hell out of me. im in jepordy of loosing everything including my house... in the end its just not worth it.
I didn't want you guys to think I wasn't responding. I'll reply soon! Tread man, I think you hit the nail on the head again. You're spot on with most of your points! Maybe a prick just needs to be out in his place. The fact that I treat everyone with respect and as you I go out of my way to accommodate ppl, when they spit in my face, maybe letting them know I have a zero tolerance for disrespect policy is justified. Grrrrl always told me "stop being so friggen nice Nitti"! I'm timid, docile. I have a very long fuse, but there's a really big bomb at the other end!
tread-mYou mention therapy and absolutely nothing wrong with that, might help you find the source of the anger or sudden bursts. I have to say you and I talk a lot and are a lot alike, much in common starting with boxing then this in our lifestyle, just real similar paths. I can tell you where ai think my "sudden bursts " come from and not sure if it helps you at all but its this....I am a very respectful person, very forgiving person and I go out of my way to accomodate people and their personal rights and just always extend respect to people. So when someone disrespects me I can boil very fast. I cannot stand a smart mouth and go from very calm to nailing you in the forehead with a nice stiff poke withb my index and middle finger and advising you its time to get the F out of my face..lol. so for me its that, I have enormous respect for someone and they disrespect me rather than using diplomacy, not gonna work, I elevate very very quick and simply have no way to fix that and for me I guess I ask "is there anything to fix"? Maybe pricks need to be put in their place? Your neighbor for example, this F knows you and knows he is inferior so what happened to him is on him, I have no sympathy for ignorance. Now I have much more tolerance for my friends obviously and its funny this comes up today because one of the guys who works for me yesterday was talking to me and said, "I know we're friends and so if I'm in a bad mood I know you'll allow me to push your buttons but I know how far to go before I get broke in half". Lmaooo....so its that, he respects me and I give him some room and he knows as friends i'll give him warning such as last year I said on one occassion "you're about to cross a line you don't want to cross bud" and he went silent and let it pass and thats respect. I give the same I expect and maybe thats alk in the world it is, you have a definition of respect and you give it and expect it and unless your definition is entirely unreasonable then life there have to be consequences. You're more reasonable than I because I'm not going to take an ounce of shit off my neighbor as you did before and I'm very very reasonable in my own estimation. Don't give me any shit because I would not give it to you, its not difficult to understand, respect each other whether we like the life choices of another or not, they are his/her choices. I will say this for your specific situation, talking to people is good for you as a therapy and people who actually care about you and your life and whatever your circumstances are will gladly talk to you and share a little of their life too. All we can do is try to think before we act brother but at the end of the day if someone disrespects you thats something they may need help anf you should not feel inferior for giving that neighbor a tatse of reality. It could have been much worse and I honestly think you did him a favor, maybe he starts to learn to keep his trap shut and you save him from someone killing him or beating him into the hospital for a few weeks . Now aside of that in terms of anger misplaced or frustration, its normal but you need that release valve open mre rather than letting that pressure get higher than the capacity of the tank its in. Talk about your worries with friends and the hot little Mrs Nitti and don't think of exposing your fears or problems as weakness, its strength, you were strong enough to expose yourself and not feel inferior. I know you have a network and I'm happy to talk anytime in fact glad to just listen but I may bore the hell out of you with my own shit!!! Lol I sent a long ass email to a good buddy of mine in Tenn this morning and said "I'll hitcha back a little later brother, I have a lot more shit to lay on you that you don't give F about still. I do some of the same stuff brother but sometimes we get a little bit too much "man" juice in us and forget we need people too, just share and be honest about your problems and I think you have some relief knowing you are not alone. I guess its this, you may realize your problems are not as big as you think if you open up to others who then open up to you and together you find some humor or common ground and relate. Being alone makes something seem much bigger than it is given there really is strength in numbers. Just a rant brother no real advice there other than we are only alone if we don't share and open up. Look at Goth, he was this uptight asshole just a few months ago and I talked him into sharing his wife, I mean life and feelings and he's right as damn rain! That sumbitch is almost too happy!!! Lol
AnonI think this is pretty accurate! Is there really anything wrong? I don't know. I guess there can be a little bit more control and the fuse lengthened a little bit but if he turned the other cheek in every situation I would look at him like a punk! I think you are dead on. I wondered if maybe the juice had anything to do with it but I don't think so. He has always been the way he is, juice or not. Honestly, he is happier and in a better mood more often when he is on a cycle and in turn can take a lot more abuse before losing it
You're the man tread. I totally agree about being alone with your own thoughts too. I'm lucky I have a good woman to lean on. In a nut shell I feel the way you do about it deep down. I don't think therapy is very helpful. I am a very friendly respectful person. I also go above and beyond for people, so when they disrespect me and spit in my face, I spin out! I think you nailed it "sometimes a prick just needs to be out in his place!"
tread-mWe have a lot in common! Lol not sure if you do it but I had to put a guy in his place yesterday when he interupted me. for a short time I felt like an ass but I had to remind myself, I respected him and let bhim talk and heard everything he had to say and not 5 seconds into "my turn " he interupts me! Thats on him not me, so I feel better! Lol I still guess I never really feel great about getting in someones ass but I do have to convince myself not to feel bad if someone is just the type to run over people. I know you well enough to know you are probably rarely out of line and the vast majority of people who got the sharp end of Nitty had it coming! I try to think of it like this, someone has to stop people from running over others, why not us? Hell I'm sending you a cape you're good people "Clark"... Lol
Next time say "I'm sorry, but did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours." they usually feel stupid and shut up after that
Lol, that's good. I like that
AnonLol, I like the way you put that. Funny because he is that quiet, shy, timid guy even tho his apperance is the opposite. And in most cases they do have it coming. They don't always end up with fists flying, but they get heated. This is the first time i've seen him throw a punch in years outside the gym. Usually his voice gets deeper, he swells up, and quietly moves forward in a very aggressive manner. This is usually enough of a deterant for the average Joe! YThey get that look like "I just f*cked up" and back down. I just don't want my husband behind bars. I need him here
tread-mHoney if he ends up locked up you and I ca n go see him every weekend I promise! , hell we both love him! ; )
Brother I hear you.I'm constantly having to hold back from giving ass beatings.Why would some little punk even think of mouthing off to someone who's arms are bigger than the other guys legs.I just chalk it up to pure stupidity.I do boxing and mma a couple times a week hit the heavy bag it seems to help.Once in a while I can get one of the kids at the gym to spar.I really try to avoid conflict I don't want to end up in prison for ripping some punk bitch in half.When some ass says something to piss me off I think to myself I'm a bigger badder better person than this little bitch inside and out and he knows it.