Well.... I knew it was going to happen.

I just didn't know when.

But I thought I'd at least make it through a couple of workouts before the alarm went off, or was asked to leave by the staff (i.e. the buff-police) because some innocent co-ed feared for her safety.
But the tension started as soon as I walked in the door---I don't even like the color purple--- and I sensed resentment immediately.

I know what you're thinking---....."Goth, what the fuck were you doing in a Planet Fitness? That's a pussy gym that makes fun of people like you."
Well that's true...I was initially called there to help an ex-girlfriend with a few pointers----I stayed for 20 minutes and left. But later on I thought.."What the hell...they have a few cool machines...I could go there for a workout once a week or so just for a change of pace, and make fun of the mortals."
Seemed like a good idea at the time.
So I walk in the next day, and ask to join the club. Here is the following exchang in it's entirety:

GOTH..... (approching front desk---arms already bustin from the slin, methyltest, Vitargo and superpump ingested 30 minutes prior and an EVIL gameface)..."What do I have to do to be in the clique?"

FAT UGLY BITCH AT RECEPTION area (hereafter FUBAR)..."What do you *mean clique"?*

GOTH..... "I've seen the commercials...I think we *both know what I mean, and to answer your next question, it's how I heard about Planet Fitness---well that, and eroids---those guys all hate you"*

FUBAR.... "What is Eroids"?

GOTH...."So how do I join"?

FUBAR...."What is Eroids"?

GOTH....."What are your Hours"?

FUBAR ...."What is Eroids"?

GOTH...."I have lots of money and I'm willing to sign a contract with lot's of hidden fees and service charges".

FUBAR... "OH...Please Mr. Gothic, have a seat right over there and an financial account specialist will be with you shortly".

GOTH... "I don't need my taxes done, I just want to pay for my membership and workout---I'm losing my pump here".

FUBAR.... We don't tolerate smart-asses here...just because you're big doesn't give you the right to intimidate people...and besdies, you have to talk to the account specialist so she can set up your bank draft".

GOTH..... I have cash...and I don't want to be part of any bank robbery, especially when it's the bank that's robbing ME.... I don't do banks...ever"

FUBAR..... "Well I'm afraid that's the only way we do business here at Planet Fitness".

GOTH.... "Oh...so those mugs and stupid-ass T-shirts up there are just charged to my bank account? What about that Gatorade and the sports bra there...can I get one of those now?? Just take it out of my bank account"

FUBAR.... "Of course not. You have to pay for those items immediately"

GOTH.... Then why can't I buy my membership NOW??.....bitch"

{editor's note----this is where shit started to go wrong for me, and I sensed yet even more tension in the air---I'm not sure why}

FUBAR....."GET OUT!!! We will not tolerate profanity here".

GOTH....."Fuck you".

FUBAR.... "No, fuck YOU!!...Somebody call the police!!!

{at this point I was starting to think my workout was at the very least going to be cut short----interrupted by the cops..AGAIN for the third time this month.----People always wanting to test the Goth. Then I noticed that all the noise of the treadmills was gone...all of them had stopped and the gym was quiet. At first I thought we had a power-outage, but soon realized 20-25 fat-asses had stopped walking and were on their cells---apparently giving 911 operators a description of me.....That's when I left the building. I ended up in my old powerlifting gym...among friends and family, and the smell of Tren (E.O.) in the air. And all was well again.}