+ 8 ⚠️⚠️ Venting post, I do apologize ⬇️⬇️
My participation to this group/community has been spotty..at best in recent history. I love this group, I love the people in it. We're a pretty sharing group, and show activity, which translates to support in some manner even if it's just acknowledging someone's post or troubles..I'm going through a divorce, a shitty, everyday brings some kinda shit storm, divorce. My wife has schizophreni, and is diagnosed with depression, and anxiety among other mental health issues. Tbh i really had no idea what I was getting myself into. I've never been around, or dealt with anyone with schizophreni or this level of it at least. It has been a nightmare. She slowly isolated me from everyone, family..friends..I ended up in a cycle of constantly trying to keep her calm, or not doing anything that would trigger her or set her off. I'm a very social person, always have been, not shy, outgoing, family oriented. Over time I ended up one by one getting rid of all my social media, some of them she did her self during or after a argument..I gave her all the passwords to my emails.. definitely wasn't a good idea. There would be days, recent actually, where id notice her just slowly going through ALL my emails, and that always ends in a fight. But it's so much worse than that. She gets extremely mantic, and I swear on everything, her eyes change, she looks different, to the point I can tell it's coming before it starts. This is a nightmare, she cuts herself, always on her legs, mainly thighs. 3 days ago, she took off outside, went into the building we have on the property, and carved normal in her legs, and it was big. When I say 24/7 I'm being accused of something, and just about all of it is completely bs. I'm realizing that I'm dangerously unselfish with shit in my life I should be, and allowed to be. My struggle is, regardless of if it was too soon, or we weren't ready, I DID marry her, and I'm Christian. I said my vows, as did she. The first few months, she took her meds, she worked, everything was smooth. Out of no where, before I knew it. It was like we can't get through anything without fighting, a TV show, a meal, fucking forget going out..She was miserable at family gatherings, most mine as her family is up north. But I could see her break down, sometimes during, sometimes after. And she just balls her eyes out, and apologizes over and over again. She's been with me when I relapsed last year, never left or threatened too. I just find myself asking if she really loved me, and she knows my addiction, my past, and what's led to my relapse in the past, she wouldn't put me in the situationa she does. Threatening her own life, and being so serious about it. It's exhausted me completely, emotionally. I'm sorry again my friends, I had to get this out.. somewhere. Much love!
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As a marine and serving two tours. I recommend therapy brother!!!!
This is a tough read bc it feels like you’re talking about me. Although I don’t self harm and haven’t for half a decade I act similar to her. You are not lying when you say her eyes change. My wife has told countless time that she can tell when I’m getting manic bc I get dead eyes. She describes it as a soulless empty look as if I’m no longer here.
I hate to say this but we can’t be fixed, Drexyl is right meds can make us stable but it never goes away and there is no cure. I have recently been given the ultimatum to get on meds again or lose my family. Just started meds and therapy as well as Cognitive behavioral therapy sessions for the millionth time. I’ve been on and off meds since an early teen. I think I’m ok then I stop and I’m able to hold it together for a bit then everything starts falling apart.
I hate to say this as well but I don’t think I’m capable of experiencing love. Im a sociopath and a narcissist. I’ve been diagnosed with BPD and BP2. If this relationship ends I will latch on to someone else charm them make them fall for me and repeat the cycle. That’s the cold hard truth.
Everyone here is right you need to detach. I recommend doing it slowly.
What meds are you on? I went through a bad experience with prescription benzodiazepines, but they worked. Since then and after giving up alcohol, I tried everything. SSRI, propranolol, hydroxyzine, Buspar, basically everything and nothing helped my anxiety, some of those meds made it worse. I don’t have racing thoughts or a busy mind, just out of nowhere with no trigger whatsoever I get crippling bouts of physical anxiety. About two weeks ago the doc put me back on the benzo, a very small dose compared to what I was on before and it’s a game changer, gave me my life back. If people find a medication that works, there’s no shame in it, no difference from needing something for your heart or liver. In case you’re wondering before it was 4mg klonopin daily, ran into some very serious problems with that, currently it’s .25mg Xanax twice a day, and some days I’ll only take one or one and a half. It’s enough. Best wishes to all reading this.
Nah mate, I don't believe half of this. I've spoken to you loads of times in PM etc and never once thought you come across as narcissistic or sociopathic - and I've spent a lot of my life around both of those personality types. You always come across as level headed and humble, you often help and give advice to others on here and those type of people simply don't do that - well sometimes they do but you can tell its all false words.
I went to years on years on years of therapy, anger management, and cognitive behavioral therapy. I try very hard to be other than. I’ve come a long way but I still have manic episodes. I have to consciously make an effort to listen to people, comfort them, and show affection bc that’s what people do to bond.
Ask any of my exes and they will say otherwise lmao. The hardest part about it is a lot of people still see me for who I was and not who I am now.
Around the time I joined I didn’t only do it for PEDs but bc I wanted to show people who I am now.
It’s easier to mask with friends it’s way harder to do it with a partner you live with.
But hey if James is really gonna fight through this I highly highly recommend she takes cognitive behavioral therapy and stay on the meds.
Appreciate the kind words press!
Sounds like a horrible situation bro. You definitely need to seek counseling for yourself. She needs help immediately and needs to take her meds. I’m not sure how you gonna fix this or if you even can. I wish you all the much man.
I really appreciate it broski. Yesterday was the worst..by far. Not only is making my life hell..but now she's threatening to call cps (child protective services) on my daughter's mom. Starting shit with my step mom, yesterday was it for me.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this buddy. My ex wife was mentally unstable, she was prescribed medication but decided on her own she had gotten better and didn’t need it, this was around the time we met. We dated for what would be a short time then got married. We both had children from previous relationships and she had stopped her birth control without telling me as she wanted to have a child of our own. The marriage lasted about 5 years total. That’s the basics of it, here’s some details and I’m saying these things with all due respect and the best intentions for both of you. Your wife will not get better, period. She can be treated with medication and in many cases this will give a person a mostly normal and productive life, but there is no cure. Mine would have violent outbursts, police would be involved, there were times she would call the police and accuse me of awful things resulting in investigations and interrogations, other times it was plain and simple assault. The county police got tired of dealing with her and pressed the charges themselves, restraining order, etc. all was good until her probation ended then came more accusations and interrogations, the cops saw through it but they still have a job to do which my life uncomfortable and wasn’t exactly great for my own anxiety. The advice I’ll give you is the same advice my mother gave me, she worked for years in mental health, you need to detach with love. Your wife has problems that are not of her doing and it sounds like she’s unwilling to receive proper treatment. This doesn’t make her a bad person, it makes her ill. It’s similar to a diabetic or person with cardiac issues not taking their medication because they feel like they are ok or they can fix themselves, it’s not similar as this woman could decide to hurt someone, or worse. No one can defend themselves while they’re sleeping, instead of self mutilation she could decide to take a knife to you. You don’t have to stop loving her, or even stop caring, but the best thing you can do is detach. Unfortunately you cannot fix this and neither can she, attempting to do so will only put you in danger in various aspects of your life, career, safety, future relationships, etc… I wish you the best brother, but you’re going to need to put yourself first on this one and create a whole lot of distance.
THAT THERE IS ONE OF YOUR BEST EVER POSTS MATE!!!
Thanks bro. I had a very smart person tell me recently that some things are better left broken. None of us are going to fix what can’t be fixed. In the meantime we make ourselves very unhealthy by letting the problems consume us. Sometimes it’s time to move on. Separate with love.
Man, thank you for taking the time to read my post...and respond. Everything about the situation, and conditions are just hell. I've been isolated, from everyone for too long I have nobody have been to talk to. And even when I do catch a break and I can she's right there. I have high hopes though, she left yesterday to stay with a cousin in a different county. But man she's pure evil, she called and had my phone number, switched to her phone. And reported mine stolen.
Anytime, I’d hate to see anyone go through everything that I did, it sucks.
Hi Buddy - I'm Extremely sorry to hear about all that's going, But I must admit I'm now lost with all of this. You will have to correct me if I have gone wrong somewhere ......
I thought about a year ago you decided to move along with your Ex Girlfriend/Wife and her new Boyfriend and the child you share with her to another state far from where you lived - as you wanted to continue to be in your Daughters life, your Ex partner offered you this opportunity so you could continue to see her regularly? If you didn't move with them then it was likely you wouldn't see much of your child anymore.
You relocated sometime ago and found a new gym that you were going to along with a Boxing gym and were settled now, but still finding it tough here and there.
So was it your Ex wife and her new partner you moved with, or have you met someone else whilst you were living there and during this time got married?
Yes you are correct..my daughter's step dad (Keith) is an EMT is Panama City, FL. However, the house they were renting was $2500 a month, and to sum it up they couldn't afford to renew the lease. So he stayed in Florida, and my daughter, her little sister, and mom came back to KY. It made the most sense, because they have a house here in KY they was planning on renting out but the girls are staying there until they figure out the situation or find a house they can afford to buy down in FL. The last year, year and a half have been very eventful
Just reading through all of your post again mate - You need to get out of this relationship and cut contact with her for good. I know it sounds harsh but you will keep feeling like this until you get away from her. Most women are half Shizo at the best of times so being with someone who actually is and needs medication to keep it under control is not a good idea. Being an ex addict yourself you need a calm, comfortable and stable relationship and home life, being around someone that is likely to do anything at any moment depending on whatever mood she feels like being in is going to make you constantly anxious, worried, depressed and unhappy.
I had a mother who was an evil, narcissistic, alcoholic Bitch and if she felt like causing shit she'd just ring up anyone she could play against me and that would cause me a lot of worry - that included my father, my girlfriend, her mother, family members literally at midnight and start screaming at them. Was the best decision I ever made getting rid of that arsehole out of my life, she'd already abandoned me as a child when I was 8 years old as if that wasn't bad enough already. Your Wife is a Toxic woman mate and also sounds like she could be narcissistic too as she plays the same games that they do, she is obviously good at manipulating you too when she wants you to feel sorry for her injuring herself etc. I knows its extremely hard not to have empathy for her and to feel bad - But in the situation mate you need to think of yourself and get as far away as possible and start a new life. Sounds like she would love to get rid of your daughter out of your life too if she had her way.
I don't have words other than, I hope you stay strong and get through this.
man im really sorry you're dealing with all of this. that sounds absolutely exhausting mentally emotionally and spiritually. i respect you a lot for being honest about it and for still trying to hold your faith your vows and your own recovery together at the same time.
loving someone with severe mental illness is something most people cant understand unless they've lived it and it can slowly drain you without you even realizing it. that doesn't make you weak or selfish for acknowledging it.
i'm glad you shared this here you're not wrong for needing support and you're definitely not alone in this. much love to you brother truly.
Sorry to hear about your marriage and subsequent divorce. Sounds like your ex is very much broken and you may well have been attracted to her for this reason, as men we want to fix things including people we care about. In the process you have been majorly affected. Best thing is divorce and to move on. From someone who went through it with a child of our own involved I promise you a better life is waiting on the other side. Your ex needs medical help and you need to heal and grow from the trauma. Wish you all the strength as you go through this.