The last time you shit your pants.
Not long ago, I went out to eat with some friends and co-workers. There is a chophouse near the Amway Center in Orlando called Kres. I went there often after work with some friends and co-workers (I work at Disneyworld selling those giant Turkey drumsticks.). It was mostly a business dinner, and my favorite meal there is the yellowfin tuna. The boss was buying so I went for the Yellowfin and an aged New York strip stake. There were a couple of decent looking ladies in our company so I was feeling extra cocky.
I was doing all that kind of shit that impresses the ladies like talking over them and mansplaining and I could tell they were hot for me.
As some of you may know, a diet that consists of extreme levels of protein quite regularly will give a man the ability to rip atomic grade ass ghosts. (No homo)
As the night wore on, I could tell the girls were getting hotter for me as I explained to them that there are only two jobs in the world that were first employed by women. As we all know, those two jobs are airline stewardess and telephone operator. Every other job started as a mans job.
I could tell they all on the verge of orgasm as their voices quivered whilst talking to me.
So I had the great Idea of letting a fart. You know, liven the party up with a silent salute, followed up with me whispering to the lady next to me the words: “I know you just farted. Don’t worry, I won’t say anything.” Chicks dig that kind of thing.
Well, this is where it got a little sticky. Unfortunately my bowels had liquified and I just happed to have shit myself. It wasn’t a lot. Just enough though to count as shitting myself.
I quickly told the dinner party that I had to take a shit and left for the bathroom.
Luckily that day I was wearing tight underwear because it contained the mudslide enough that the shit didn’t run down my britches. As soon as I walked into the bathroom, I stripped my pants off. Threw away my underwear, and did a little clean up on isle two.
I put my pants back on washed my hands and went back out to my dinner party who of course could not wait for my return. I made joke and stated to the group that I left that bathroom smelling like an Pakistani lunch box.
We all had a laugh. After dinner the ladies hit me up for a little ride in the eroid van.
I turned them down and thanked them for their kindness and told them that I am only in to hookers. Preferably dead ones.
I just thought I’d share. Please feel free to share your tales of shitting yourself in the comment section.
All my love, no homo
Ed
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Let’s go back to circa 1983 in the Midwest ...the hair band era was ramping up, cruising the drag was THE thing to do, and ol drock scored some ludes in a very intense drug deal...this wasn’t the ordinary “ separate some weed on an Iron Maiden album cover transaction “,...nonetheless, me n my compadres thot it best to grab some old Milwaukee and head for the lake n chill with beer n ludes....I’ll make a long story short and skip to the next morning when I was rousted out of the bed of my truck by a park ranger for not having a park permit,....when I stood up I was covered in my own poo from the waist down, I obviously rolled over a few times during the night.....park ranger did not give me a ticket so that’s the only good thing that came out of this....moral of the story : weed, ol Milwaukee, and ludes do not do a body good!.....true story and I haven’t so much as sharted since....
Are Ludes those tablets Di Caprio is always taking in Wolf of Wall street? Lol
Yup!...lol
This thread done fucked be up. First time in my life it has been over 2 days since I shit. I’m kinda freaking out lol
Bro, it might be time to hit an enema bag. No homo.
The levee broke yesterday. I was already wondering how long before that would make into the mix lol
That’s good to know. I’m glad you worked through it. Nothing worse than a clogged backed up pipe.
Especially so close to where you were locked up
Lol. If any place can loosen a stool up..that place can. No homo. Lol.
So Ed in simple words you sharted lfmao!!
Yes. Very well put.
Pro-tip: If you happen to have a crew cab pick up truck and you are in an emergency situation but still have a narrow window to drop drawers, you can pull over and open both doors and sort of hide between them. I have had to use this method a few times
Thank you for the tip. This may prove to be quite useful.
Three words for you. Buffalo Wild Wings. Went to one that was all you can eat. Any sauce. Challenge accepted. My underwear regrets that decision. I however do not regret it. Those underwear were wore out anyways no homo
It was about a year ago , One of my friends had some samples of a Medication called Linzess ..turns out its a medication for bowl regularity or crohns or something , but according to him it had diuretic properties .
Long story short I took a 180mg sample , Now I had no real idea what this medication was going to do and My friend neglected to tell me it turns your insides to liquid .
Now I took the pill and two hours later I'm sitting in Subway with my then girlfriend going to town on a Honey Teriyaki foot long , I'm near the end of the Sand-which and I need to fart you know like you do sometimes just a Fart , not one of those this could be trouble farts I'm talking just a seemingly dry fart to make room for the rest of my sand-which.
I let loose this fart which was silent btw , but soon as I let loose, what felt like the entire contents of my bowels in hot liquid form came shooting out of my body most of it made its way out of the bottom of my shorts but some of it came out the top as well .
I made no try for the restroom ..I mean why would I ? I made the decision with zen like calm to shit to completion then and there in the booth , I made no facial expression I made no sound I just simply shit until there was no more shit to be had .
My girlfriend didn't even know I was shitting until the smell hit her , She said WTF is that smell I replied in calm fashion I'm shitting my pants she didn't believe me until she looked under the table and noticed her lovers shit on her sandaled feet . She ran from the store immediately to the car , I followed her out slowly . I began removing my clothes on the walk to my car , I sat naked on the Drive home the bottom half of my body partially covered in shit .
Thank God I had cheap vinyl seat covers.
i laughed at this for about 4 minutes straight tears came .
Wow bro. Your example was touching enough to bring me to tears. Thank you for sharing, no homo.
Moral of the story Never take random medications from friends who are secretly hoping you will shit your pants .
This is true. That’s why I always wait until my friends aren’t looking to take random medication from them.
Molinin302Jesus Harold Christ, you hold the trophy man lol. God damn! Lol.
Subway?
And she was wearing sandals?
WTF?
Honey teriyaki???
Dude it was horrible , I don't wear underwear and I was in shorts so Like there was no stopping it .
The medication made it uncontrollable , Because normally the shear bloody panic of that kinda situation would allow you to clinch your ass long enough to find the restroom , But nah not this time I quickly realized this was a happening then and there.
Molinin302I missed that bowl I aimed for by 0.037 seconds. Evidently 0.037 is a very long period of time when it comes to shit.
RustyhookerHad the flu of death long ago. Out both ends and 4alarm fire style. Puked do hard that i shat on the wall behind me in hotel bathroom.
muscle4plushaha, maid should get some tip lol!
Nothing worse than puking and shitting at the same time. Well done.
Molinin302And didn't leave a tip for the maid lol! Heathen.
LOL. Unfortunately this happens to me once or twice a year. I have learned several preventative tricks. For instance I have learned not to push to hard when standing at the urinal to piss. Most incidents occur innocently enough while you are trying to piss. Second would be a loaded fart.
Yes. It’s always good practice to release slowly.
I seriously cant remember the last specific time. But back in the day, when I was fat, unhealthy, and enjoyed eating every meal until I could barely breath. It was roughly once every other month, it always annoyed and embarrassed the old lady.
Molinin302Many many years since I shit myself, but I did have an unfortunate shit bubble very similar to Valentino's about 6 years ago. I wasn't working out, life wasn't going well, the wife and I had two weeks between places so we were staying with a friend. I was heavily addicted to klonopin, drinking every day, and about 170lbs. There may have been a touch of weed and cocaine usage but only the benzos play a part in this. So after a few hours of twisted tea and vodka, with a hefty dose of clonazepam, mid conversation at the table the shit bubble popped. I felt it pop and foolishly I tilted ever so slightly to the side thinking it could possibly relieve colon pressure with a release of air. There was no air. Water. Mud water. I started sweating. So I as slowly and non suspiciously excuse myself from the table to use the one and only bathroom in the house. Of course my wife happened to be in there. I go in. Ever do what I call a quiet yell? I quietly yelled "get the fuck off the toilet, I need it now!". She replied "Mike, I'm using it." Me... "get the fuck up!!!". But quietly. She then realized the nature of the situation. I approach the toilet, undo my belt and pants button and zipper. As soon as I bent over to sit on the toilet seat I completely spray the entire toilet, back wall, and side wall with liquid shit butter. It was everywhere. The next 45 minutes were spent using every roll of toilet paper and paper towel in the bathroom. If anyone went there today though, in crevices like the toilet seat hinge, the little covers on the toilet bolts, even the bottom of the blinds you may still find traces of that blowout. But till this day, she never found out. You, you my brethren and my wife are the only people that know. This was by the way the second and last time (hopefully) it happened. I don't miss drugs and alcohol in the least. Neither does Annmarie's toilet.
That was beautiful. Thank you for sharing. Your secret is safe with us.
Was it similar to Renton's blowout in Trainspotting? Lmao
Molinin302Some of us understand what sickness does to people, so I will answer as directly and transparently as possible.
Yes.
Yes it did.
If she saw it she would've sold the house lol
Wish I read this wealth of knowledge and advice many years ago. Game changer! But to answer your question about a month ago but was in a friendly zone.
Edit: BTW. Was in Disney 2 weeks ago. Was that you working the turkey cart in front of Country Bear Jamboree?
Shitting one’s self in a friendly zone helps all of us be thankful to live
In America.
No bro. That was not me in front of the country Bear Jamboree. That guy is an asshole. He has never even seen what juice looks like, he’s never even been with a hooker. He has never even so much as smacked a hooker with a pimp slap. Nah bro, that 100% wasn’t me even though his name tag says Ed that’s all we have in common. You can tell it’s not me because he’s not as jacked as I am. That guy looks like he doesn’t even lift very much and I’m a pro so we all know that guy couldn’t be me and that guy drives a piece of shit Dodge caravan and everyone here knows I drive a Lambo most days except when I am driving my Bentley or one of my monster trucks. I don’t even work at Disneyworld very much any more bro. Maybe once every six months when I’m tired of banging ladies and I just want to make people happy with my delicious Smoked turkey drum sticks.
So yeah bro. That ain’t me in front of the country jamboree.
In all seriousness it was only last week I last shit myself, but luckily I was at home on the sofa - It's happened at a filling station once too when I was putting petrol into the car and that was Bad ....
It was one of those lovely steroid / creatine / spicy food volcanoes that are totally unplanned and come out like a shot in the dark! You feel what you think is a Fart brewing, but then last second as you give it the go ahead to exit your arse you just think OH FUCK as you sense the boiling hot Lava that has crept into the airflow right at the last second. Rather than it feeling like a few hot air bubbles escaping through my ass cheeks I could feel it was a mass of hot liquid - A quick dash to the nearby bathroom confirmed the catastrophic event that had just happened.
The imprint was just too Big - It had crossed through my boxer shorts and stained the arse of my Jogging pants so they also had to be changed too. When it in doubt - Do Not Let it out!!! LOL
This whole time reading I thought oh fuck it was just a month ago for me but luckily someone else did more recently. It’s good to know I’m not the only adult this happens to. My gf never lets me live it down. Seemed like an innocent fart no stomach troubles then dammit you’ve got to be shitting me. No wait I’m shitting me.
Johnny, this is nothing you need to be ashamed of. Fact is, EVERYONE shits their pants every now and then. Anyone who tells you that they have shit themselves is lying.
Even your girlfriend.
Women love to pretend that they don’t fart or shit or shart...
It’s all a lie bro.
Thank you for sharing. Your bravery will be rewarded.
You feel so embarrassed and such a let down when it first happens on gear don't you - then you come to realise its just another side to cycling and then you don't feel so bad Lmao
Honestly I wasn’t even on gear. To be really honest, and it sounds ass backwards on a review site, most ppl probably don’t know I’ve never even cycled. Someone told me when I joined years ago wait til ur 200 pounds then we’ll talk. So grateful I took the advice and never looked back. Just hanging around reading and getting schooled in diet was enough for me to make more progress than I ever thought I could. Mind boggling the number of ppl that refuse to accept they’re stuck at a plateau, won’t put it the work, and try to take shortcuts that don’t exist
Bud ya know its a funny thing, if I could go back to the start again now and decide whether to start doing gear would I or not? I really cannot answer that I don't think. There is definitely a HUGE advantage to still having an untouched endocrine system, all working by itself that needs no assistance at all. Then there are Steroids - The Absolute Unforbidden Fruit that once you've had a taste of them are so HARD never to touch again its almost a certainty you will do them for the rest of your life if you are truly into your training, but at a price to your wallet, hormone system and health. The BEST position to be in is to be so Damn disciplined about cycling time and and off and never to be tempted by cycling and cruising or going to TRT - I think about 5% of people ultimately manage this and for the rest the urge is just too strong. And as I'm sure you are aware I am definitely No Saint Lol
Oh I’m very much aware lol but you earned it. A lot of ppl haven’t and I don’t feel like I have yet. Still got more fight in me to make progress. Primary focus for has been revering the damage to my gpa my first go at school so I can get into a PhD program (just got accepted yesterday) which means Ive had to put academics over athletics. There’s no guarantee I can lock it down for a solid 3 months so it’s just not worth the risks yet. But one day I’ll get there.
Buddy you are Absolutely following the right path especially at this stage in your life, still keep disciplined in your training but make your Career and education your primary focus as they will determine the quality of life that you will have and can provide for your family - Not steroids. Leave them if you want to still try them for later when your own hormone system begins to decline and there is a good reason to justify them :-) I applaud you for admitting you still haven't used them on a gear site of all places, I am sure many will respect you massively for that.
I couldn't agree more
Thank you for sharing. I know these things can be tough to talk about. Know that you are among friends who care and who understand the pain of shitting one’s self. Thank you for sharing.
I had the hot lava bug one time, I shit out my intestine lining( saw it in the toilet and wiped it). It destroyed my gut flora for 9 months. Very bad year.
Halsey, just know that you are in our prayers. Thank you for sharing.
Bloody Hell UUuugghh!!! What did you injest - Rat poison?! .....