Congratulations man. It really is some intense morbid misery being in active IV addiction, and the system itself perpetuates it, while pretending to the general public that is does everything it can to give us a chance. When in reality, they take people who are maybe just beginning to have a problem, or have had one for a while but were still salvageable, and then instead of helping them, they throw them head first into petty crime / addiction school (jails/prisons), creating a culture around extreme forms of substance addiction, that traps people in a revolving door of pain and punishment. All to make money at the expense of the addict. Anyway, that's a tangent.

If you can keep it up man, things become so much clearer mentally. I never knew how foggy and disconnected my mind was, until I started to regain some of the clarity. Like, as it gets clearer, THEN I can see how much I was effected long term by the use. Things get so much better over time. It just takes serious time to allow the brain and body return to it's intended functions.

Gear is pretty strongly frowned upon in the recovery community, which I understand. If I was someone who had no interest or knowledge in the matter, all I would just know is its an illegal drug that "recovering" addicts are injecting. People get the same shit for using suboxone as well, and that's even a prescribed thing, but since it's so much like an opiate habit, people have their loud mouths strapped to their opinions. Sure, one can make a strong argument either direction, in regard to if a person is "clean" or "sober" within the guidelines of a 12 step program, which essentially indicates that according to the program, they arent. But, I've been clean long enough to realize that this fact doesn't matter one bit. 12 step programs are just some shit some other fucks thought up, wrote down and got started. It's not descended from the fucking heavens and deemed infallible. I couldn't give less of a shit if someone considered me clean in their own mind. I couldn't care less if the programs consider me clean in their objective guidelines. I know now, that abstinence is not even on the priority list. Being biopsychosocially healthy and progressing in life while achieving some form of existence that is better than suffering is the priority. I'll never forget that recreational drugs are never going to work for me, and will always lead me to intensely brutal misery within days of me touching them. But i've also found that using gear enhances me in the ways I want, and they don't cause me to be a selfish piece of shit, and they encourage and motivate me further to be consistent in my efforts to maximize my health in as many ways as I can. Tangent #2 complete. Lol Thanks for reading.

Nice dude congratulations. I wish more of the guys I knew who were in the program that also are hopping on gear would show their ignorant asses on this site and learn something about what they're doing! Too many guys getting clean are hopping on too quickly, and willingly choosing not to educate themselves in any way whatsoever, which leads them to feeling like they're doing some terrible thing, which leads them to feel like they are being dishonest, which leads to other shitty behaviors, which leads to relapse. THEN if they do get clean again, they spend the rest of their life telling everyone about how bad steroids are because they did all this bad shit to them, when really, all that happened was, they used them completely negligently and improperly, cold turkey'd, and inevitably suffered the consequences of those actions. I'm sure you know because it happens to you too, but guys pop up on the weekly asking for help, running shit like test p and tren e as their very first cycle, or some other even more ridiculous shit. It's frustrating that the majority of people using steroids (as a whole) are these ignorant and negligent dudes, essentially TRYING to perpetuate the stigma society has on gear.