Damn kids
So I had a new son about 18 months ago plus I have a 7yo that's here pretty regularly, we like him so we keep him around, how else is the dishes gonna get done? They must be dirty with some kinda kryptonite residue because my wife won't touch them LOL, so my life's been kinda hectic, I decided a few months back it's time to get focused again and get back in the gym and start watching my calorie intake again so like a real eroids member would do I decided to take this seriously so I loaded up on protein bars because obviously that's where all my gains come from ( come on guys I seen it on TV).... You just eat the fucking bars and you get all stacked and shit. Well I was hiding my protein bars behind my wine coolers in the fridge (don't judge me I can drink almost 4 of them without passing out) because my kids would never mess with my coolers until my protein bars started coming up missing, I thought it might have been my wife but I knew it wasn't her because I hide my coolers behind and empty gallon of milk and I know her well enough to know she ain't ever gonna clean out the fridge so that eliminated her. So I then decided I would hide them in my box of porn which mind you is a box I built with hinges and a lock on it thinking no one would ever be able to get in there. Well my seven-year-old has to be the smart one because he has learned how to unscrew the hinges and open up my pornbox bypassing the lock. I probably wouldn't have even noticed had I not seen my protein bars stack getting smaller and smaller. But that's not the only thing that I noticed getting smaller, try to keep up without letting your mind get in the gutter, my stack of porn DVDs was getting smaller and smaller.... So I go to my son's bedroom looking for my missing DVDs and guess what I find behind my sons paw patrol DVD...... Chocolate.... My son ain't no pervert assholes.... That's something he will grow into. So apparently my son has been enjoying my protein bars while watching paw patrol.... So for those with kids....don't leave your protein bars with your porn, kids are smart as fuck these days they will break into your porn just for the protein bars.
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So what happening to the DVD's? Who was stealing your porn?
Btw congratulations on the new baby.
I actually went to a gym the day after my son was born. I'm no role model.
Hes now benching over 300lbs and is drug free which is a miracle. My nephew and cousins are bigger users than me. I gave them both there first shot. Lol
Appreciate it homie, he's a fucking demon but I love his mean ass. Kids will def keep you on your toes. I can see him trying to be included in anything I'm doing and I'll be getting him on the weights when the time right
Toddlers are easy. Create a dumbbell using 45lb plates, lay the kid on the floor in front of the TV, place the dumbbell over their neck. You can go to the gym without worrying that the kid will burn the house down.
Jesus Pope, this is parenting 101
How did the appointment go buddy?
jayiskOh, you are the cool uncle that the parents tell them to stay away from...lol
Ha yep I had a new box the other day and they all went missing. They knew better too so now damnit I have to buy the nasty tasting ones so they won’t take em, also every kind of jerkey or snack I buy for myself has to be spicy or it’s gone. They started my premier protein drinks too so had to lock them up in the liquor cabinet... now everytime I get one I’m
Like should I just have a drink instead?....the struggle is real
Lmmfao I feel you..... Let me find out you've been making mixed protein drinks LOL.... Ain't nothing like vanilla muscle milk with a shot of rum lol
Lol
RustyhookerCarb up on coolers and protein bar your way to the top!
At my wedding we forgot the dj cash in the same drawer as the adult toys. The teen boys went to retrieve the cash because obviously....its my wedding and i cant leave. I dont think they will ever dig thru the drawers again....traumatized. red faces and funny jokes followed them
At least it wasn’t your gear. I’m not sure what would be harder to explain to a teenage son, sex toys or steroids..
RustyhookerTrue! Especially since they were really into sports. I did tell them about gear when they were bout 18. Told em to wait etc. Lil real talk can go a long way.
True, it was yesterday I told my 2 year old not to eat my whey protein or he’ll get sick. So he spilled it on the floor instead..
RustyhookerLmao! Zamboni it. Kids are a riot
I was that nosey kid growing up looking thru mom's drawers just to see what I can find..... Fortunately my mom was a nun LOL.... Not really but I can honestly say I don't think my mom was a freak like most of the kids moms I grew up with... My dad on the other hand was another story, so many disturbing stories about that man LOL.
RustyhookerLike jayisk mentioned. Middle of a house party and my bro was bout 5 and walks out with large back massager. He said it looked more like a rocket ship. Mom turned beet red and dad laughing and talking bout buck rodgers. Haha
jayiskNot even the plug in "back massager" with interchangeable parts to massage with. Sears sold a lot of them to housewives back in the day...lol
I used to steal change out of my moms room and buy cigarettes when I was a kid.
Ran into a pic of mom I wasnt supposed to see.
I'm still traumatized and that was in 76...
Lol. Right. Then 10 years later I'm trying to quit smoking. Then after 20 years same story. Your not the only one on that one
I gave up smoking 25 years ago. I no longer dip either.
I also dont eat fatty foods, sodium and rarely get any from the wife.
I'm like that dude that lived in a bubble...
Right. You tackled 2 monsters. Very bad habits hard to just stop. But a good example of mind over matter
I very rarely drink, but smoke when I do and feel like shit for a damn week unless I do some hard cardio to flush out the lungs. Congrats. Ciggs are the most useless drug there is. I hate them. They just stink up everything. Feel like crap with those Fn coffin nails. Vapes are just as useless. There are better ways to cope
Full body shiver type of pic huh lol, I could see how that would traumatize a man haha
Unfortunately I now exactly where I came from...
Anonlol, I dont have any kids but this secured my already not want for any either. My wife is good at cleaning out the fridge so I would have to put them in the dishwasher or behind the vacuum cleaner.
I don't know what it is about that damn fridge but i would literally have to tell my wife she can't have any more weed until the fridge is cleaned to get it done, granted she will clean, just not the fridge lol
AnonMine claims she doesnt know how to use the vacuum or steam cleaner, I thought about telling her I would show her but then i remembered the time I bought her a ninja 250 and taught her how to ride, it ended up in a guardrail and she ended up at the bottom of a cliff. So I figure she'll just wreck the vacuum in the wall and I'll have to fix that too.
Lmmfao sounds like my ex, I bought me a bike which I've been riding for over 30 years and she decides she going to learn how to ride so I had to buy her a bike, she picked out an 04 Ninja 500 , she got on it rode about 3 yards it fell over then parked the bike, I ended up selling it a year later lol.
LMFAO... that's a great one :))