Introduction
I haven’t had any real time to be able to make an intro here in this group until now. I want to encourage anyone else who would like to share your stories to please do so.
I’m thankful to be clean for around 5 years. I was definitely at my bottom & there wasn’t a drug I wouldn’t take to keep from getting sick & to reach that high. It all started with a degenerative back condition & severe muscle spasms. I went to the Dr & he prescribed me Loritab 10’s & Valium 10’s. It helped at first, but of course it wasn’t very long & the tolerance starts having an effect. The Dr increased my doses so I was taking 2 loritab 10’s every 4-6 hrs & he gave me a roxycodone for breakthrough pain & Valium as needed. This was effective for awhile, but of course between the pain & enjoining the high I was taking extra at times. I had someone show me how to smash the roxy & snort it & it was awesome at first. When I went back to the dr he suggested that the loritab needed to be changed to OxyContin because they were time released & plus it wouldn’t be as hard on the kidney & liver. Next thing I was smashing them & snorting them. It started to get out of hand when I was running out of my script early & I had to buy off the streets. My excuse was I needed them for my back or I couldn’t work & I wasn’t an addict because I had a script. Eventually I was all out of everything & getting sick, so a dealer told me he couldn’t get any pills for awhile although he had some dog food. I had no idea what he was talking about. He finally told me it was herion & I didn’t have to shoot it & I could just snort it. Of course being sick from withdrawal, I snorted some & it was great at the time. Things led on & on until I was smoking crack, snorting lots of coke & herion & any kind of pain pill I could get my hands on including lots of Opana. I overdosed several times, but always had an excuse. My wife was done & my kids were old enough to know something wasn’t right. I overdosed & was in a coma at the VA hospital with a 10 % chance of living & a 100% chance of being brain dead if I did live. I made it out by the Grace of God. I eventually lost my job, my wife went to file for divorce it couldn’t bring herself to sign the papers & she also had found my stash of straws & blades ect & so she knew at that point it was worse than she had imagined. I finally woke up to how far I was out of control although I thought I was in control & realized it wouldn’t get better on its own. My dad looked at me with tears rolling down his face & told me he would have to bury me if I didn’t get clean. I knew he was right! I told him he had to take me to the hotel where my dealer was cause I had some dope & cash to give back to him. I had been running dope from big dealers to be able to support my habits. I took it in & told him I’d never be back & that I was getting clean & I never turned back. It wasn’t easy, but it sure beat the way I felt chained to addiction!! I celebrated my 21 st wedding anniversary last month & now have 2 grandchildren. I’m now an ordained preacher & I preach all over the United States & I also started & founded a non profit world Missions. I travel into countries & tell them this same story & all the details trying to reach another one! Thankfully I’ve seen many recover & stay clean from many things & turn out successful. Who would’ve dreamed that an old messed up good for nothing drug addict could clean up & help make a difference in others all over? You can too!!
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shirlsguyHello, Jarhead2 and I see your passion. I just googled it and I now have 79-days alcohol free. It amazes me how alcohol can grab me in such grips as it often does. It has been 10-years of me arguing with the missus that we need to go sober, but here I am. So far, she has taken the water wagon with me, so she has to be at 24-days.
Glad you’re here & congratulations to both of you!!! Keep on keeping on ;))
shirlsguyDay 80 no drinks
Thanks, right now, this is all I have for a support group. For almost a year. I lost my license under the New Driver's Act for six points in 2-years of issue (1st UK license) and it took a loooong time to get back due to administrative errors. (It was a 35mph in a 30mph, twice, at a speed camera btw) That kept me way out of reach of most meetings as I was far too dependant upon my wife. I had it reissued on the 1st of this month and that has been a great relief, back to work, ez access to the gym, able to help the kids again, etc. Huge benefit to the lifestyle. I am going to get a lot of meetings in to help me keep away the drinking.
I have really big concerns as I congratulated my wife for having about 75-days without a drink for her and her face was incredulous, not in any good way, but absolute disgust. She looked at me and exclaimed, 'I'm not tea total'. It broke my heart. I'm praying that she catches sobriety under the fake it 'til you make it, but with her wanting to go to Spain next month 'to get certified for her PT', well it is not a good prognosis for her. She is getting certified with by a friend who loves to drink and that is disaster design. I cannot tell her what to do, I have my own problems and have done a poor job of managing myself last 10-years. I already know that I cannot continue with a drinking partner.... tried 10-years of it and it just led to 'they'll get me drunk before I'll get them sober' part.
My kids are adults now, twins 18 and daughter 20, so we all discuss life together these days. We bonded even tighter when I put the missus out of the house in May and we all agree that we cannot live with drinking any longer, sadly I am the only parent with wanted conviction today. I don't know how to make life better for the wife at all, so I am only able to watch and hope. I've been in and out of AA for 31-years now and I know that there is one person in this world that I can control, me.
I know that this drives a lot of my obsession to get the body under control this year, but I don't think that will add to the life I give to my wife. She just knows no other way, I believe, and having given her 18 years of my life, I don't know what else to give her. I live life like she has a fatal disease and I am just thankful for each day I have her. We both have the disease, I am the only one seeking the cure; she is just accepting it with me right now.... I just keep hoping she will decide she likes it enough. I keep thinking that every day is the last day and I try to cherish it.
I'm going to try and comment daily in this overall group, even if only to say hello. I have a feeling that life is going to have some heavy bumps in a bit, and with my cycle supposed to cut off on 07 October, I got a trial there. I may not cycle often, but I do know how tough that choice to stop the cycle is. Mentally, it feels like someone saying, pull the battery out of your car and push start it for the next few months, at least for me.
Where's everyone at?
My head has been a little fucked up.
Hit me up on pm anytime bro!!
FR sent.
Life on life's terms I guess. Sucks when you have to man up and deal with it when your used to just numbing yourself.
Been doing allright for awhile. Years ago I was told I needed antidepressants. At that time I probably did. Made an attempt to discontinue.Made it eight weeks and couldn't control myself. Thought I was going looney. Made the huge mistake of not telling anyone what I was doing. Brain felt like it was being shocked with small electrical impulses. Idont know how else to explain that part.
Other stuff going on as well.
Long story short I didn't use and wound up starting my meds again. Dissapointing. Told the GF. It was a learning experience. It got scary for awhile. Stuck in my head alone and it wasn't a safe place.
You seem to go out of your way a lot to try to help others. Admirable. I appreciate your time and concern.
FR accepted bro
Yeah man, I feel ya! Life is not always easy & life isn’t fair. Fact is if life was fair, I’d be dead! So, I’m thankful that I at least have life & I made it up in my mind long ago to make the best of it & use it wisely.
If you’re at a place in life where you need antidepressants, it doesn’t make you any less of a man!! There’s a huge difference between being addicted to for example Xanax & abusing it & needing it mentally. If you need the meds, take them bro & work on you. There’s no cookie cutter pattern or a time allowance that you can be given. It takes soul searching my friend & time to heal. The mind is a very powerful tool & it can indeed be taught to change perception over time & with effort. Instead of always seeing negatives or instead of fearing the uncertain, it begins to see positivity & sends thoughts of strength & confidence. You’re not defined by your past or whatever battle you’re in today. Improvise, adapt & overcome every circumstance that life brings your way & search deep within yourself for the strength you need to face your battles & overcome. Until the battle is won, take your meds & do whatever you have to do to be the man you want to be. Don’t ever be afraid or ashamed to talk about things with people & especially the ones you love. We all need one another man & we have to learn to lean on others when we need it & lift others up when they need it!! Just keep your head up, shoulders squared & keep the faith brother!!
Hey brother! We all have those times, but it’s important to look back where we came from & look forward to our goals! What’s been up my friend?
Glad you got clean before it was to late for you to get back to your family. Perfect example of how it’s never to late to make a change. I did some terrible things and thought all my relationships were lost after several attempts to get clean. I’m clean today with almost 10 months and I have my family back. I usto dread spending time with my family, I looked at it like I had to meet my quota for family time and it was a choir. Now I’m living with my dad picking up the pieces n getting my life back together. Now I cherish those moments hanging out with family or just running errands with with my dad. I feel I have finally made it and the voice is gone in the back of my head with the doubts that I did t really know if I was done like previous recovery attempts. Glad to see and hear from other addicts on this site. Keep up the good work!
Thanks for sharing & glad you’re here & recovering bro!
Jar I'm so very proud of you. Its warms my heart to hear you found the saving grace of our Lord. I was raised in a Pentecostal Holiness Church and that's where I'm back at after many many ah year in sin and addiction. God saved me, his love and forgiveness brought me out of the evil crips of drugs and into a better life. I'm not perfect I say things at times I shouldn't I watch things I shouldn't as well as do things I shouldn't but by the favor and grace of God I've been clean for almost 7yrs granted suboxon played a part in that as well because at times my faith wasn't strong enough to carry me all the way through. But today I'm alive today I can live happily and clean today I can love and enjoy the love of a good family which I love dearly. Today I'm happy.
Thanks brother! I’m a Pentecostal Holiness Preacher btw
Damn bro! Glad to hear you made it out alive, my story is very similar with a lot heart aches for my family.
I look back and think why, wtf was I thinking!
Thanks for sharing man
Glad you’re here man & thanks! It’s sad how much the drugs change your perception & I have too many regrets. I’m thankful for another chance to make things right though. I have been an example to my children that no matter how far you fall you can get back up!!
Thanks for sharing your story Jar. I've slacked on meetings for a while now.This could be a great opportunity for myself and others to become more active.
Absolutely brother!!