posted Fri, 06/26/2015 - 15:00
14946
+ 3 wife/GF, or husband/BF knowledge
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Just curious how many of you that use AAS and either tell your significant others or not.
I personally have not shared with my wife. Maybe I should, but I have a couple reasons I do not.
My first would be to protect her. What she does not know.....
Secondarily, not sure she would be supportive in this case.
Yeah, I am sure some would say I am being dishonest, or unfair.
Thoughts??
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Bro, if you read what I said above, my wife knows I take steroids. I never hid that fact from her. What I don't give her is a blow by blow daily description of every pill I take or every shot. I don't want her as a wet nurse giving me my injections. That's my preference and I think I'm entitled to that without the insinuation that I'm hiding something of any significance or value from her. My wife goes to the doctor when she is sick. I ask her what the doctor had to say and she may tell me he gave her some medicine. Fine. I don't ask to see the prescription bottle or bottles or to see a copy of her blood test or a copy of her doctor's session notes with her so I can be "fully informed." I most certainly do not find this "secretive" or unhealthy. I am willing to bet after you have been married 10 years your version of what is secretive between you and your wife will change dramatically. My wife and I are happy and we both trust each other without needing a blow by blow description of everything we both do outside each others presence.
ok. Wasn't trying to offend you. Just wanted some clarification on some things. I didn't once disagree if she was unfaithful that you cant divorce her, I in fact didn't even bring that up. But reading through your statements when you said you didn't want to give her any leverage in court if you guys get divorced is not the way you look at it as an individual let alone a man of faith. My views and yours are very different that's fine. I share everything with my wife no secrets what so ever, I believe in trust before everything else. Comparing your ped use to her going to the doctor is a bit unorthodox but that's fine I guess. I'm willing to call your bet that it will not change with my wife. You've just seemed to contradict yourself a few different times now and im not going to argue. Just was interested in your views on it. You said "she knows the bare minimum" . "the Honeymoon is over and after 11 years I think she loves my money as much as she loves my personality and the sex. I did tell her with details omitted (as I said below) but quite frankly as 7gothic pointed out, I could live to regret that decision very much if things go south and if I had it to do it all over again - COMPLETE CONCEALMENT would be my choice today." <<< Not the way to have a healthy marriage. " would not want to set my wife up with the upper hand in such a way as to practically hand her custody of our kids with no recourse available to me because of her knowledge of my use of illegal drugs. I can live with the idea that she knows NOTHING about it and don't feel like I'm depriving her of a piece of critical information" ? "So God intended that my wife comes before ANYTHING (except God Himself)."<<<< this is a real marriage.
Like I said im not shitting on you GH just confused that's all. Especially because your a man of faith and come from the bible belt , so I hold you to a higher standard than myself. I cant live that life and wont but I commend the people who do, good for them.
Bro, I know you're not shitting on me and honestly until this thread I never even gave it a second thought about if we got divorced she could get custody of the children because of my steroid use. I never have ever thought about that. We have a prenup but it's not like I have a copy of it in the house or ever think about that either.
I always try to be careful when discussing religion for any means, too many people get offended and too many also try to be PC for their own benefit. Growing up in a strict Catholic household I was forced to go to church twice a week; catechism on Saturdays. I went to catholic schools as well. When I was about 10 or 11 I started to read books about dinosaurs and my Uncle would bring back artifacts from Egypt while he was in the service. I brought to school one of the mummified cats he brought back and the nun that was my teacher told me it was man made and false. I then asked her about dinosaurs and was told they were also man made to try and make God look bad. I questioned it again and was expelled from school for 3 days. During those 3 days I went to the library while my parents both worked because possessions owned them of course and read all I could about mummies and dinosaurs, e.t.c and when I went back to school again they told me to never speak of it again or my parents would be ex-communicated as well as myself. My parents moved shortly after and I started to go to public school where I learned all about science and became fascinated with it. I then started to doubt my religion because I just refuse to believe if their was an all knowing being that loved everyone he or she would not let all this shit happen in the world. Then you hear people say that it was because we were given free choice, wtf is that? I became agnostic because after studying as much science as I could I began to realize that I would have wasted my life believing in something that may or may not be true and life is too fkn short as it is. And also because I am a hypocrite and I cannot preach to others what not to do if I do or done them myself. A mans character is all he has in this world, not friends, money, or possessions because when you get buried in that hole or cremated you are gone but the possessions remain.
Also if you have to hide anything from your partner then you have a problem not your partner, you chose them to be in your life and if you cant trust them with everything you have including your habits then be alone. I will not hide anything from my wife, I felt like less of man due to low T but when I told her what I would be doing for the rest of my life doctors orders she was fine with it, she would rather see me quit smoking then anything else in the world.
i actually researched some more last night, watched a great video about the mighty lord, its really opened my eyes,
https://youtu.be/pRE23YfSvc8
amen.
I'm not trying to argue with you either bro. My wife and I both treasure the dimension of our marriage that I would call our "private lives." She has her girlfriends she does things with and I have my friends as well that I go out with on occasion. Then we have our married life which is the majority of our existence as husband and wife. She has a special relationship with her family that would exist with or without me and I have the same.
Neither of us wants the "enmeshment" that I think some of the folks are talking about in this thread. My wife and I are equal partners in the marriage. We still sleep together in the same bed after 10 years and I'm glad that neither of us snores. We still enjoy a healthy intimacy. But, the idea that trust requires that we "both tell each other everything" is not something we want or need. If I'm doing something that annoys her - I'm glad she can talk with her mom about it before she talks to me. I think her mom gives good advice. I know mine does.
And bro, honestly, I have been through enough of my friends divorces at this point that I have learned a great deal about divorce. Maybe that's one of the reasons our views seem to differ. The same is true of my wife - she has been through enough of her friends divorces to see some very ugly stuff. To not learn from these horrible experiences is not gonna happen. We both don't want that to ever happen to us. But, we are both no longer naive about it either.
It's not about "bracing for impact" - you just get older and hopefully wiser with age. Let me end on a truthful and positive note. I truly feel that I love my wife even more today than the day we got married. She says she feels the same way about me. And, that, my friend is a gift from God.
where did we get from being honest to telling each other everything .??? You act like telling your wife about significant things is the same as reporting how many squares of toilet paper you used to wipe your ass... no one here is equating honesty with being so called "enmeshed"
Well, then I've just misunderstood. Like I said above, until Goth brought up the issue about if I ever got a divorce I could loose custody of the kids because of my steroid use, I never ever even thought about it. I feel as if everyone is telling me I'm dishonest and thus I should have a crappy marriage and as far as I know my wife is happy and so am I and our relationship, if anything, has improved as time has past, not gotten worse despite my awful terrible dishonesty??? I'm a nice guy in real life and on this thread I look like some kind of monster???
Chances are if you get a divorce you won't get custody of the kids gear use or not...
As for thinking you look like a monster we are just having a nice discussion on semantics so I think it is fair to say no one but yourself is thinking you look like a monster
GRRL is right. Unless your wife is completely insane matter of fact, unless she is locked up in jail you won't get custody. That is just the way it is in this country. As men we won't get it unless the mom gives it to us. And bro I don't think you are a monster either but your words are your own. You do come across in a weird way in this thread, could just be some confusion within yourself maybe? I don't know, but I do know marriage isn't easy and the answers sometimes are tough to come by.
Hey Darth,
The "weirdness" could be that I come from a committed Christian perspective that is definitely weird to secular society. And, some members of secular society know just enough about Christianity to be dangerous. Besides myself I haven't seen too many "church" folk weigh in on anything in this thread.
Thanks ma'am. I have a heart for helping people and I have always thought I had a good marriage. I know some in the thread don't believe their relationship with their spouse will change as time passes but it must. We all change as we grow older, hopefully for the better. The marriage has to evolve. Nothing is static. I'm really laid back. If I suddenly learned that my wife has an uncle that has been locked up in an insane asylum for 30 years and it's not something that she and her family ever talks about, I would not find that material and I would not lose sleep over it wondering "what else is she hiding?" I wouldn't head out to - dear you absolutely should have told me about the insanity in your family before we had kids blah blah blah. The kids are both perfectly healthy. That's not toilet paper either, just an example. If that were true should she have said something - probably. But at this point in our relationship - that wouldn't damage anything. I just don't think my wife and I have some weird relationship that's somehow radically different from most other married couples. We're both Christians - real as they get anyways. Real Christian people don't help others out in showy ways so the public can see. We do what we can do and we keep it as low key as possible. I don't find it offensive that people are non-believers. But, it's really weird when these so called non-believers are angry and yelling at or cursing out God. If you really don't believe in Him, why are you so angry at Nothing? Or, you suspect there might be a God, but you've gotten such a raw deal out of life why would a loving God piss all over you? I don't have the answers for sure.
I not once shit on your god. If anything I said I commended your beliefs and when some people were a little brash and what not I stood up for your beliefs. I don't like when believers in god justify poor choices or poor wording and pick and chose what applies to them when it comes to the bible, picking one piece from old testament and another piece of new testament. What your doing is judging people right now. Like I said many would be surprised if they saw a 100% real follower of the good book , because many things they do in their daily lives would not be ok and quite a bit of it would be a sin, further more many of their choices and what they like to think is ok very well might turn out to be not ok at all. So I turn take offense. You not once hear me say your half assed religion is a joke. All I said was follow your religion 100% don't pick and chose what you tell your wife in hopes of fucking damage control if shit hits the fan. An don't quote the damn bible in a thread justifying not telling your spouse something in fear of it you got divorced she could take you to the cleaners, also don't quote scripture while talking about illegal drugs , if you disagree bring it up at church sunday and see how many side with you. Sorry if I came up a little assholish in this but to sit there and point fingers now irritates me when I was very political and nice with you.
All one need do is look at the real Jesus of Nazereth and his true will. This garbage modern American Christianity has morphed into is a slap to Jesus's face. Mega churches, opulence, extravagance! Does that jibe with Jesus? No fucking way it does. And it is also foolish to think that those of us who do not subscribe haven't read the book, i know I have.
I got the good book and the Koran in the back room, read them both cover to back. I'm into history , these modern faiths of picking and choosing whats right and whats wrong morphing bullshit is craziness. People don't realize if they followed that good book 100% throw the television in the garbage along with the laptop etc etc because its impossible to not get involved with bigotry , selfishness , adultery , gluttony, amongst many other sins all for your entertainment. Many Christians believe what I do being a bodybuilder is a sin as my gluttony for food to get bigger and being soo vein and selfish with my body. I think many need to really read the book front to back and follow it 100% and every choice they make think if its right or wrong. Big religion is a cash cow these days. Let alone the judging of their fellow man how bad that gets. I've watched more people with faith judge others and say horrific things in person, preachers at that. Modern faith and what each individual interprets it seems , than they fill in the blanks themselves. Sorry that's not the way it works. Follow the word of god or go to hell last time I checked.
I dunno bro. Ronnie Coleman always has been and is still a genuinely committed Christian man. Branch Warren is a pretty solid Christian as well. All Christians sin. As Jesus said, just looking at a woman and having a microsecond of lust for her is the same as adultery. As a Christian, I know that sin is part of my human nature. All of us believers can strive to get better as we get older but the only man (for us Christians) that ever led a sinless life was Jesus. No other man before or after. Do you know some Christians that think they are "better" than you. That's ridiculous.
Ronnie coleman also said he didn't use peds and he was a cop...... Branch warren has on multiple occasions said some pretty shity things to other competitors.
Theres one thing with not living a sinless life but saying the only man to live a sinless life was jesus, is like saying its ok to sin everyone sins theres no measurements on how much I sin. There are preachers and people with faith who on the outside appear to live a life under god but in reality they are doing some pretty bad shit behind closed doors but some how justify it and figure out how to word it so it makes it ok.
I find that more often than not the only difference between them and I are they quote scripture, believe in god , pray and a few other things , but none of that changes the rest of their actions and thoughts.
Other than Flash nobody pissed on "your god". Are you saying Agnostic, Atheistic or other religions are not charitable, or should I say quietly charitable? If you are that is simply ridiculous. And who amongst the Agnostics and Atheist are angry and yelling at a god they don't believe in? See where that makes absolutely no sense? And trust me brother I am not angry at god or the flying spaghetti monster, my life is good. I make enough that I can afford to sponsor many charitable events. Who cares?
And I have been married twice as long as you, I still nail my wife 3-5 times a week (I mean we make love) We still sleep in the same bed and she does lie to everyone by saying I snore. Marriage does evolve but if you are doing it right the evolution is a tighter, stronger and even more loving bond. I cannot predict what it will be ten years from now but I aim to make it there to find out.
No bro, I'm not commenting on the charity of non-believers. What I am saying is that many non-believers find Christians nutty for whatever reason and that is my real life experience in this country. I have lived in New York, California, Colorado, Maryland, Pennsylvania and Florida so far and that has been my experience, personally. You don't think Christians get a hostile reception in this country? Now that is ridiculous. Separation of Church and State was never meant to mean separation of religion from government as the atheistic and agnostic elements of society so fervently continue to work at it. All the founders ever meant with that is they did not want a national religion like the one they were escaping in England. All they wanted to avoid was a Church of the United States like the Church of England. When I explain that to most atheists or agnostics they get mighty hostile. The laws of this country are judeo-christian based.
First off it is YOU making the assumptions on non-believers and how can the Christians be the victims when you are a majority? lol. As far as our founding fathers, I am calling BULLSHIT, Jefferson in particular along with Ben Franklin made sure to keep religion separate because they knew what a corrupting force it actually is. Now believe when I say I support your right to believe in whatever you want, I mean it but I will not accept your belittlement of people , that is the reason people get hostile with you. You should go back and objectively read all of your words...
Jefferson and Franklin put "In God We Trust" on our currency bro. You want to deny that? What God were they referring to? "In God We Trust" is still the sign behind the judge in most of our courtrooms. That also goes back to the time of Jefferson and Franklin. I guess I will need to go back over my words cause I am not in the business of belittling anyone bro. What possible motivation would I have for doing that? If I have somehow belittled anybody here I genuinely apologize for real. That was certainly not my intention at all. I feel bad that you even think such a thing. Belittle people. I try to build people up and encourage them, not put them down.
No, In God We Trust, was placed on SOME coins in 1889. ( a few years after Ben Franklin and Jefferson I might add) It was not put on written currency until 1957 and it was not a LAW that it must be done until 1956 .... Dwight D Eisenhower ;-)
Well, I stand corrected. Officially, the dates can be found in this link from the US Treasury -
http://www.treasury.gov/about/education/Pages/in-god-we-trust.aspx
Now, a surprise from Thomas Jefferson himself:
There is, finally, another meaning to this reference to God that Lincoln may have borrowed from Thomas Jefferson, whose writings Lincoln studied with great care. In his "Notes on the State of Virginia," which Jefferson wrote at Monticello in 1781, he considered the question of slavery in connection with the broader liberties of free citizens. He there raised a question that continues to surprise those who believe that Jefferson's views were entirely secular:
Jefferson writes:
"And can the liberties of a nation be thought secure when we have removed their only firm basis, a conviction in the minds of the people that these liberties are of the gift of God? That they are not to be violated but with His wrath? Indeed, I tremble for my country when I reflect that God is just; that His justice cannot sleep forever."
This powerful statement is not merely a condemnation of slavery, but also an assertion that the survival of liberty is intimately connected to the public recognition of God. Jefferson, who originated the concept of a wall of separation between church and state, says here not only that our liberties are a gift of God, but also that citizens must recognize this fact if they are to preserve those liberties.
Unfortunately GearHead Jefferson never said that.
http://candst.tripod.com/studygd7d.htm
my last word because I m not going to discuss religion .... God is NOT religion .. I don't confuse the two ... they are NOT the same thing.
Believing in god and routinely breaking gods rules.....
thats pretty much every single christian! Christianity, unlike some wives, comes with a forgiveness policy
.
With a little bit of money you can buy anything ... even wives ;-)
well.... you certainly don't mince words do you..
This is very true more often than not. I thought my big brother's marriage/life was picture perfect then recently, out of nowhere, divorce. Then all the details come out, and what a suprise, the biggest issue behind all the problems, trust.
generally speaking, most people are insecure, and insecurity breeds fear and fear breeds distrust and lack of respect.
Brother, all seriousness here.. Do you love her? If the answer is yes you better stop looking at the exit and start looking to shore up that foundation. You love them kids? Keep their home intact. As men we often need to take the lead on these matters.
I hear you man. I wouldn't say that me and the mrs are growing apart, but the two of us are different people than we were 10 years ago. For folk like us, we need to put even more work into the marriage. As we evolve and change so do the parameters of the relationship. Part of getting older is getting wiser - you simply have lived longer and have more of life's experiences to draw on than when you were a kid in your twenties. I think whether or not I juice was a bigger part of my life at 27 than now at 38. Seemed like a much more important issue when I was younger.
interesting. my perspective on a lot of things that are important in my life changed a lot recently. i met my gf in feb or march this year. when i met her the gym was more or less the focus of my life. i went 8 months straight with only taking 2 days off. i loved my gear. spent whatever i could afford on lifestyle too. she competes in bikini, so she was exactly what i want. she could tell i was on. she dated other guys who have used roids, so that was never a problem.
fast forward to today... my focus is her. i want her to be happy. i want to be more successful, and keep treating her well. with a really heavy year of classes left and trying to balance everything else in my life, bodybuilding will be sidelined. i will do the best i can within reason, but no gear and other things come first.
oddly enough, it looks like ill turn 25 just as i graduate and start my career job if all goes well. and thats when id be looking to start gear again.
You know bro, this is a major reason why we try to discourage you young guys from using. From 18-30 your life is liable to flip upside down at least two or three times and I promise you will feel different about just everything in that time. Sounds like you are heading in a good direction and the gym will still be there whenever you need it..
Of course we change in many regards, but at our core we are still the same person. Also I will add all relationships go up an down but brother, unless one of you is truly unhappy and no longer in love in any way it is much less painful for everyone involved to do the work now.
Its odd how much this topic comes up. If you can't discuss absolutely ANYTHING with your wife/husband then your relationship has a massive flaw. Trust is king.
Now as for girlfriends/boyfriends I can understand not giving full disclosure as breakups can be messy and it could potentially cause legal problems for people living in strict countries.
My wife knows all, its part of me and that's the package ...my aas doesn't stop her from having the best of everything. I Brea my balls and my mind running a construction business ..she is on a unlimited allowence. Every few years she gets all new furniture she has walkin closets full of cloths ,I break my balls I come right home after work ,my gym is I basement ,all I do for me is run a few cycles a year. And.trust me ,she don't want to Brea my balls on that ...
Oh also my wifes cool now too ultimately she just wants me to be healthy i cant blame her for that
I hid at first but wife found gear so i just told her this is my body my choice and that was it . i used gear for 5 years before we got together than stopped when we got married then i finally got fed up with training natty for a couple years and told my self this is bullshit and that was that
my body, my choice..
shit works both ways
interesting that you compare something like this with an issue that debates whether or not you are committing murder ...
CB has officially jumped the goddamn shark!
It is not likely that I will get a reply .. and it is ridiculous to compare this ... a post about being honest or not, to something as serious as the debate on when human life begins and who has a right to end it or not
I am hoping he just didn't really consider his words that carefully.
imagine the look on my face right now ....
I can... I am just trying to soften the situation a little..
I ll give him the benefit of the doubt and say he meant to say "our bodies ourselves" and if any of you men know what that is you get a big star
StevebI wonder if anyone knows that reference.
Arthur Fonzarelli.
I would guess any of us over 40 or so do. lol