7gothic's picture
7gothic
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+ 27 HOW TO TELL IF YOU'RE ADDICTED TO STEROIDS.

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Steroid addiction is a major concern to some people. It's the main reason why I just use them 24/7/365---that way I don't have to worry about it.
But some people are actually petty enough to be concerned about their health, and are afraid they could become dependent upon these powerful compounds.
So I've compiled a list of warning signs that could indicate that you may have a problem::

***You've made funeral arrangements ahead of time to be buried in a Golds Gym Tank Top, and have instructed the undertaker to embalm you with synthol so you'll still have a pump after your blood is drained. Next to your casket is a video player showing PR lifts in the gym, highlights from your best bar fights, and interviews with family and friends saying how massive you became and what an asshole you were.

***You have a desire to tell EVERYONE you meet that you're on gear and how their fucked-up miserable life would be so much better it they would just grow some balls and get on gear too.

*** you want to experiment with the smallest guy in the gym, just to see how big you can make him by putting him on gear and shooting him with massive doses that are three times higher than yours.

***You smack your wife in the face when she asks if you may possibly be addicted to steroids.

*** You smack your children in the face when they ask if you may possibly be addicted to steroids,

**You'd rather pin *Your ass than nail your wife's ass.

***You develop "roidar"..the ability to instantly detect another guy in a crowd who's also on gear, and automatically puff your lats out to get that little push on your arms so that garden-hose bicep vein increases another inch in diameter.

***You wonder what it would be like to see your dog, cat, or goldfish on steroids, and actually shoot small amounts into them until one day you're sitting at the police station trying explain why your cat just mauled a Pit Bull and an animal control officer to death.

***You sit in Church and PRAY for steroids, being extra careful not to get caught taking money out of the collection plate....for steroids.
You're convinced God is going to provide you with steroids, because even though he may let children starve in Africa, there's no way in Hell he's going to allow you to get small.

***You use steroids to counter every argument with your wife or girlfriend. Whenever she makes a valid point, you simply come back with.."OH, YOU'RE JUST SAYING THAT BECAUSE I'M ON STEROIDS, BITCH"!
.......or, when pulled over by a cop for speeding..."YEAH RIGHT..THE ONLY REASON YOU PULLED ME OVER IS BECAUSE I'M ON STEROIDS--JUST WRITE THE FUCKING TICKET, PATROL BOY". (they hate it when you call them "patrol boy").
.......or, when fired from your job for stealing from the break room refrigerator...."FUCKING ASSHOLES...I NEED TO EAT!!...I'M ON GEAR YOU CUNT"!!!

***You display all of you gear on a specially-built mantle in the living room, right under the plasma T.V., so that anyone visiting can see all 569 vials..all with labels facing forward, and halogen spotlights illuminating them like wedding bands at Kay Jewelers.

Don't be addicted people... There's more to life than anabolic steroids.
I have no idea what it is, but I'm sure there's something.

Linedog's picture

This is too funny.

JL's picture

Bump.. Never gets old. lol

Theonslaught's picture

What about calling baby blue. Blue heart blue?

zeusmarada's picture

Friggin brilliant. +1 all day (and I'd vote it up ten times if I could). Well done.

PowerSorg's picture

Lol ) Good read

bolt781's picture

Bump...a post by Robxl made me think of this. Anyhow another great read by Goth

bolt781's picture

Knuckles!

jsoc_rock's picture

Or your at work standing around the water cooler and notice everyone but you is eating cake and get so mad because they're fat and their diets suck that you pick up the water cooler and smash Bill from IT in the head with it

iliftforreps's picture

I have heard the middle class call it morally acceptable when you have a prescription....desperate housewives take valium and stims for feeling only so slightly blue on mums net sipping wine so as long as you get it from your doc it's not an addiction your just topping up your supply. Blum 3

j1980's picture

So.... If some one takes in the ass for a single dose of dbol does that mean they may have a problem? Just curious.

Zee's picture

Need more of these from you Goth.

xxRedneckxx's picture

Good shit Goth I read that nail your wife in the ass part to my wife and she disagreed lol...

JL's picture

Hilarious!!

tattoofreak's picture

Damned.... That's the funnies shit ever.

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trenbalogny's picture

Has anyone ever shot their dog up I wonder? I hate to admit but I've thought about it more than once. Get two puppies, juice one up, use the beta as a "control". You could be responsible and get bloods for your alpha dog. Although that might get tricky when they ask to see your dog's ID at one of those walk in labs. I don't know. There's a lot to think about here.

bigJOHNstud's picture

I know your joking but I'm pretty sure people have gotten banned for saying they juice their dog. Just sharing some info.

trenbalogny's picture

Hopefully everyone else catches on that I'm joking seeing as it's the off topic thread. But, just in case there is any confusion, I do not own a dog, and have no plans to juice one when I do get one. Now a hamster though...

Suga15's picture

Great read and couldn't be more honest
I'm addicted !!!

r.rocky's picture

Just tell em I am addicted to Steroids.....

CaptainSwole's picture

Holy shit this just made my day. Fucking hilarious.

Hustle28's picture

xD lmao goth I don't know u bro but ur one funny guy thumbs up

Baby Herc's picture

lol

jsoc_rock's picture

Thanks for the laugh Goth!!!

noob143's picture

That's Damn funny.

MegaT883's picture

Got a good laugh today! Keep putting out the hits Gothic +1

Minus's picture

That injecting a goldfish with steroids experiment sounds fun. Would it even do anything? I read fish have ketotestosterone and mammals have testosterone. So if it would work would ketotestosterone work on us? hmmm....

White Bolt's picture

lmao at putting the gear under the mantle on display

i would totally do that if i didn't have a kid running around

PIN_CUSHION's picture

You'd rather pin *Your ass than nail your wife's ass.

both are hard to penetrate these days, lol

ash48's picture

pmsl....

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McMeanie87's picture

Repost.

eastcoastmuscle's picture

Roi-dar thats funny shit

UgtaBkdNme's picture

Nice

McMeanie87's picture

Haha.lmao. so glad I got to read this before work. Great laugh first thing in the morning.+1

fusebox's picture

Note to self. No more reading of Goths posts at work. Now I have to explain why I'm laughing hysterically at msn

Catalyst's picture

Hilarious. +2

Worryingly there's a 5-1 100lb midget that I work with that I've often wondered if I could turn him into a normal sized human being using gym/diet/gear........

sic26's picture

I was lost I had this book marked. it was revived one of the first ones I read

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7gothic's picture

I'm taking some of the old stuff from the old days and adding to it and cleaning up some of the threads....glad to make them available to the newer guys.

sic26's picture

Make sense Goth. love it just the same I used to have to dig to find it.
Its better this way Smile

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7gothic's picture

Thanks to all for the kind words...

Bigs251's picture

Keep em coming goth! I fucking love these

flacidego's picture

Hahahah! Oh sh*tballs I'm losing it at work and don't want to tell my coworkers why! Thanks!