I've been using steroids for 2 years. I started with a test ethanate cycle, and liked the results and I seemed to recover fine. After that, I switched to tren/mast/prop cycles at the advice of a friend. At the time, there was (and to an extent still is) a lot of contradictory stuff about tren. Suffice it to say, I loved the effects and over the past 1.5 years have done 3 8-10 week cycles, usually with test only before or after to about 12 weeks.

I have made a big mistake - I have never gotten blood work done, so while I've felt ok off cycle. I really don't know. And while I've never had a strong libido, it's never really come back naturally as I've broken the time off + pct rule. I would use PCT, wait a few months, and if I felt reasonably well I would start again. Don't flame me, it was stupid, but lots of people do this. And as I live in New York State, it's damn near impossible to get blood work done without involving a doc.

A few things have happened in my life recently that have made me decide to quit using steroids. I turn 35 in a few weeks, and I fear recovering in the future. I particularly fear fertility issues, though I feel like I'm just getting too old for this game. I've also recently met a great girl, like mother of my children material, and I fear performing well for her both in bed in general and getting her pregnant. I also can't help but shake the feeling AAS is just not worth the risk. I'm big enough, and I've come to realize it's the feeling of being on that has kept me going. As well, my life at the moment and likely for the foreseeable future simply does not allow for the kind of regiment I need to make the most of cycling. I'm just too busy, and I keep extending cycles because something comes up that makes it impossible for me to deal with the week long crash that invariably comes.

Anyway, I'm finishing up cycle and will begin PCT soon. I will drive to another state to get blood work done immediately after PCT, and then say 2 months later to see if it worked. I'm trying to stay positive as everything I've read indicates the vast majority of users recover in time. It might take a year, but in the end they are all right. For me, I'm going to stop being a prick and do everything I can to recover and try to glean what I can from more experienced users.

But, of course, I'm writing this now because I'm nervous. I keep feeling like I've made a terrible mistake with how I've handled AAS, and I fear I'm fucked for life. I don't really have any reason to think this just yet, but only time will tell.

I guess I'm writing today because I'd like some positive thoughts. All of these boards seem to be filled with retards (to an extent, like myself) who just never really go off or people with real problems. You never hear about the guy who got what he wanted out of AAS and went on to live a normal life free of drugs.

I keep using some basic logic that, overall, most people must recover from AAS as so many use it and the serious problems seem to be relatively rare. I look at say, John Crisler's board, All Things Male, and there are only a few former AAS users there. If it was impossible to recover from AAS, I would think there would be huge numbers of people with real problems. Although, perhaps the vast majority really don't go off. I also think that most people, like myself, probably will stop coming to these boards if I recover fully and give up on gear. So, we never hear the positive stories. Only the negative.

So that's my story. Anyone in a similar boat? Any of you know someone in their 30s who gave up AAS after using tren and went on to live life happily ever after? Any encouraging words in general? Thanks so much, I really appreciate it.