Motivating my wife - Ladies opinions please
Forgive the long winded post
I love my wife very much and she is in a spot right now where she absolutely hates her appearance because she has gained alot of weight since we met. To be honest, she is a bit heavy but I still find her attractive. She is a beautiful women, inside and out.
We both went through periods in our life that were very hard to get through but we did it together. She went through some very severe depression and has come such a long way and I am so proud of her for never quitting. She pulled things together, got her life on track but there are still things she struggles with. A couple years ago we had our first child (daughter) and she turned my world upside down. She was my moon and my world revolved around her. I realized how out of shape I was and hated the thought of being "one of those dads" so I made the decision to make a change in my life and start living a healthy lifestyle. I joined the gym, even though I had a major fear of gyms. I dropped a bunch of weight and then ultimately decided to go the AAS route. However, through all of this I honestly believed I would set a good example for my wife but she has yet to really follow my lead. I want to help her but I don't know what I can do. I support her. I encourage her. I even cook for her so she eats what I eat. The problem is she skips meals when I'm not around (at work), she eats junk late at night. She has attempted to diet and exercise but never truly commits long enough to get to that point where it's second nature and you realize you feel better on workout days than you do on rest days.
A few opinions I have that she suffers from:
ADD: I have this, diagnosed, confirmed... I know what a struggle it is to stay focused on anything. I rarely complete a task I'm not interested in. It's damn near impossible.
She looks at the overall goal and gets discouraged. She thinks, I have to lose "#### lbs" and then gets discouraged and falls off her path. I try to explain yes it is going to take time but the more time you waste, the further that goal is from being achieved.
Eating disorder: She is an emotional eater. She essentially punishes herself with bad food which is obsurd to me but she can't seem to help herself.
Stuck in a rut! She just can't seem to pull herself up from this.
Our lives are hectic just as everyone else on the planet. We have full time jobs, we have a child, we own a home. It's very hard so she uses being busy as an excuse. However, we have to sacrifice an hour or two out of our day to be happier/healthier. Everyone thinks I'm crazy because I wake up at 2:30am, hit the gym, go to work for 9 hours a day, leave work, pick up my kid and drive home which is a two hour process but I do it so I can be healthier. I'm a morning person so I know working out needs to happen in the morning. She is far from a morning person but is exhausted after a day of work. I don't blame her but that's when you gotta dig deep, put the excuses aside and go for what you want!!! Getting up at 2:30 is hard as fuck but I want this!!!!!!!!
Her sister was very heavy ever since I met her but she recently had lap-band surgery and now the roles are reversed. My wife is the heavy one and my sister-in-law is losing alot of weight and I think that bothers my wife also. My sister in law never tried to exercise or eat right. In fact, I don't think she is even exercising now even though it's a requirement of the survery recovery. Otherwise insurance doesn't pay but they will never know so she gets away with it. My wife was with her sister yesterday, my wife came home all upset and pissed off because her sister was giving her advice on losing weight. UMMMM HELLO!!!!!! She doesn't have a fucking clue what it takes. The shit aint easy, it's very difficult, especially when you love bad food. I know, I was one of those people!!!!!!!!
If the guys are reading this, I know what your thinking, sounds like I have a women not worth fighting for but let me tell you, I know who she was when I met her and who she has the potential to be again and I am never giving up. I took those vows and I'm going to do whatever I can to stay true to them. I know she can overcome this. I just don't know how to get her on track and keep her on track. I'm not a good motivator of others. I'm a great self motivator. Actually it's partly due to me ADD. I tend to over-focus on things that excite me..Borderline OCD in a way. Probably why I'm on this damn forum 24/7 
Please, no judgments, no d-bag macho-man guy type comments lol. It took a lot for me to write this. It's very personal but I need help. I hate seeing her suffer.
Is there any non-AAS route I can get her on (fat burners/etc). Any diet advise to get her on the right track. I know what worked for me but we're all different. From what I hear it's harder for women to lose weight than men so that's why I am asking you! I need/want to understand what she feels.
So, help me help her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Thanks everyone. Everything you say makes sense. She has tried weight watchers, she even went to a support group for eating disorders. She is in weekly therapy. She has made attempts but when the going gets tough, she falls off the wagon. It was a rough weekend, she is so upset. I know she wants more than anything to change things but she is struggling a lot with the mindset of it all. We talked yesterday about getting her on a dirt and workout routine. First thing out of her mouth was I'm too tired after work. I told her yes I understand but once you get there and start you will break through it. Have some coffee of something. A tired workout is better than no workout. She doesn't have to go every day after work she could go during lunch. She could go weekends. We could take turns going in the morning. The options are there she just needs the will power. Two weeks to a month she will be set in a routine and it won't be that bad.
On Sundays I could my meals for the week. I also cook hers but she never ends up taking them for some reason. I think k I got through to her that not eating is the worst possible thing she can do.
Shreddedchedderchic you are so right with what you say. Ultimately it's on her. I just wish I could find that one thing to break down the wall so she says "fuck it, whatever it takes I'm going to do". She also says work is too busy. Ok fine but so what. Let work go. Do your best then at quitting time leave it at that if they don't like it they can hire more people instead of working one into the ground. Or they lose a valuable employee.
Anyway, thanks again. I had to get that off my chest. I'm so pissed at her sister but I gotta bite my tongue and just bethere for my wife. I hope she can snap out of it. I hate seeing her this way.
My advise... She's the only person that can change the situation she's in. No matter how hard you try, if she's not ready, willing and determined to make a change... She's not going to.... Being over weight isn't something anyone wants, dreams or strives to be but once they are there their self esteem is so low pulling out of this rut is almost impossible. She may need to join a weight loss program or hire her a personal trainer. I have a best friend in her 40's that's alway been over weight and I've talked to her for 17 years now trying to get her to get healthy and it never stuck... She called me two weeks ago and said she'd hired a trainer and was working out daily, could I give her a good protein to buy... I was like What? Why? What happened? Why the sudden change? She said cause I'm tired of being fat! Simple as that! It was her choice.. And you can bet your sweet ass I'm calling daily to check progress and give my encouragement, support and drive. You've got to keep supporting her and offer other choices and wait.
when me an my other half got together. he was going through a bad divorce. just got custody of his two youngest boys. his youngest was diagnosed with aspergers autism, he read a bunch of stuff on diet and how it can effect the brain and development, mwagner630 was always a fit guy and health conscience as far as i knew, but i guess his exwife wasnt, I wasnt a very good eater, actually i rarely ate god meals, he just completely cut out tons from his diet to help his son, who by the way after a few months on a super healthy diet, is the most normal and out going child you could imagine. ill tell you, i wasnt in good, shape, even a little over weight. he kicked me in my ass, didnt give me an option, he never patronized me. I didnt have an option to be honest, He had serious heath issues he was combating and i am a cancer survivor, in the end he basically said "get fit, eat right, or start walking!" the best meanest thing anyone ever did for me at the time. we eat good, ive noticed my food choices and appetite have changed. i still have some weaknesses but ill tell you, if you love her, and she loves you, sometimes you need to stop being nice. just put it out there.
over eating is like any other addiction. alcoholism , drug addictions its all the same .When addicted, people tell you the reasons they do what they do it is only an excuse for not take responsibility for there actions. They have to want it for themselves. The only thing i have seen work in cases like this are interventions from the family of the addict. Maybe hearing it from her loved ones how much pain they will be in if something happens to her. Obesity kills more people than alcohol,drugs and tobacco combined . If your wife had any one of those addictions you wouldn't think twice about an intervention. The bad thing about an intervention is it could hurt your relationship with her if she takes it the wrong way. I wish the best of luck bro
By the way that's the reason i stooped smoking ten years ago. my kids at the time 7yrs 8yrs old came to me told me how worried they were about me dying on them.
Broc0sHave you considered talking to a therapist ? Life is meant to be a blessing, not a struggle for each second. Ask for help. Ask and you shall receive. It is more than a Bible line.
Broc0sShe needs to gain confidence in herself. What are her hobbies ? What does she likes to do and is good at ?
I have read the book body by design and it's all about everything we preach. I always tell people "diets end so this is a lifestyle." My fiancee has a lot of those eating and time issues as well. Change is tough. Maybe see if she would be interested in like a dvd based program or zumba or something not as conventional. Weight loss is all about burning more than is put in. Hope that helps.
Thanks. I've tried to get her to try p90x and offered to do it with her but she says she's too out of shape. But that's the point. Totally agree on the weight loss thing. She knows it too but knowledge and action are two different things.