+ 4 What helps you all when going through rough times?
So I've been going through a lot for a good while now and today has been absolutely awful.
Missing my dead dog really bad, girlfriend of four years and me just got into a really bad argument and I broke it off even though I didn't want to. Gave her the ultimatum to either stop cussing me or go away so she obviously doubled down on it instead of just talking like someone should. Been trying to get full custody of my daughter for about 7 months and just stay stressed. I don't want to use I just feel empty.
So other than working out and meetings what helps y'all when things seem irreparably bad?
I guess I probably need more hobbies or something lol. Apologies in advance if I'm just coming off as whiney or something, really trying hard not to feel sorry for myself.
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Don’t ever think your just “coming off whiney” when your seeking advice for doing something positive in a negative or in our case, a shit show of negatives situation! I know the response time might not be instant, and as we both know, our brains operate on the “instant” or as fast as possible reaction with anything really. If you can pm me, I’ll shoot you my number, it definitely helps being able to pick up the phone and call someone who is in the same boat, or just went through it broski. Sometimes it could be something as simple as a song to revamp our mentality about shit, and unfortunately, sometimes the only answer is we suffer enough until we decide to hell with that. Coming from someone who had little to no support starting out my recovery, and desperately looking and reaching out with no progress for the longest time, a big challenge for me was if this person or that person cared about me at all, why couldn’t they be here for me during my recovery, staying clean, it almost felt like being clean nobody said shit, went about they’re business. But the second I relapsed and fucked up, they wanted to talk. Of course now I’ve grown a little and don’t think this way anymore. But I’m here if you need me
I pray to god and chase women. It helps me.
Faith in a higher power has always helped me. He comes in may forms and often it’s people around you. When I pray I need to listen as well and keep my eyes open for the help he is sending me. It can get tough, but faith is a necessity for me.
I miss my dog who has been gone now 1 year & 8 months more than i miss anyone in the world EVERYDAY even more than i miss my ex wife of over 20’years.
Working out helps but you need a PURPOSE. I filled my time with work and gym then started heading to bars. Then a puppy came into my life and i said fuck that bar or going out doing stupid things. Id work hit the gym then my puppy gave me the excuse not to go out and we would take trips to the dogs parks , or long walks , it really gave me a purpose in life at the time i really needed SOMETHING SPECIAL someone to talk to , cuddle and it needed me as much as i need her …. Goodluck man
Damn man, sorry about your dog. It's been two months since mine passed and it's been rough but it really just hit me yesterday because I was working at a house and they had a dog with the same name and same breed. Got me all in my feelings. I've got purpose brother, my daughter she's what I do everything for and seeing her today made me realize that I'll be fine.
Thats great thinking man. Purpose is POSITIVE THINKING..
Hope the best for you man.
Just for those who are wondering today has been much easier, feel really sleep deprived because last night I kept waking up and tossing and turning (which I never do) but got up went to work and finished demo on a bathroom we're remodeling, came home after work sat down and had some tea and relaxed some then went to the library for my visit with my daughter. Talked to the woman a little bit and that wasn't really great since she's made herself the victim but it'll be alright. Everything will be good either way and I appreciate all of you taking the time to comment and offer and ear and some advice. You guys rule!
Sleep is king!!!
There are times when things in my life become too difficult to handle…… it’s almost always when I haven’t slept well. Two good nights sleep and things become manageable. I don’t have much advice - other than prioritise sleep, but I realise this is weak/obvious/patronising/etc. Some times stuff happens and sleep suffers, right? Anyway, what has helped me is to realise that being 'overwhelmed’ or feeling depressed, etc. is just temporary - it is just my brain fcking with me because of the bad night(s) sleep - this is not my fault and there’s nothing wrong with me (too much anyway) and the troubles I’m feeling won’t be half as bad tomorrow. AlI need to do is get through the day without causing too much damage and get a good night’s sleep. I’m not a big drinker, but whenever I do drink my sleep suffers and this can mean a day or days of shte, so there’s that as well.
Having said that, I am not dealing with a custody battle and/or a dead dog/friend. It shouldn’t be a surprise that you’re going through tough times - I really for you, for whatever that’s worth.
TLDR - don’t blame yourself, get through the day without breaking anything, get sleep, it won’t be as bad tomorrow.
Meetings brother, that and a good friend and or a sponsor. Someone you can call 247 and that picks up and always answers ya so u can get everything off ur chest. Cause soon as you have a drink or use ur gunna feel like such shit, which then turns into thinking like I already fucked up mine as well as keep going. Which is always the worst decision.... I would have a seriously talk with ur girl and just say what can we do to stop fighting I love you it takes both ya to make an effort and if one isn't then she ain't right for you unfortunately. Good news to that is there is billions of other fish in the sea, You always think there isn't anyone else out there but after time you find out there is lots of other and ones that will treat you better and what to make there man a better guy and stand with them ride or die.
Learn some some things like mediation and how u can breath and ground urself. Everyone has short bad days. There is a lot of worse shit to have happen to you not down playing ur shit. But hey atleast we're not sitting in a trench freezing or getting blown up or shot at. All kinds of other terrible shit we take for granted.... Sometimes a simple walk or hike in nature will calm and relax u. Go fishing or hit the gym .... Find something to throw ur problems at. Staying busy working and saving money towards something u eventually want. Put ur energy into looking at the positives instead of always diving into the negatives.everyday u wake up is a true blessing man, iv has two friends in the last week drop dead one from a heart attack and was only 26, the other was older 56 and he died of a stroke in his bed/sleep and his son found him... So in the snap of fingers u can be gone. So accomplish the things u want to or atleast work towards them. If u ever need to talk you can always hit up most.od the members here and we will get back to you .... Hopefully ur doing better
Yeah today was a lot better even though I didn't sleep well. Went to work had a visit with my daughter, talked to woman a little bit and it'll be alright. Even if it doesn't work out it'll be alright, just had a hard time last night but today I'm not feeling emotional about any of it. It's really cool how y'all just immediately jumped in and offered advice. I appreciate that a lot. I go to meetings, not as many as I probably should but I don't have a sponsor, should probably get one because it definitely couldn't hurt. I'm not using or drinking no matter what, too much I've worked hard to build and accomplish and that would ruin it all. Getting drunk or high just isn't an option, I'm the only person my daughter has that's ever been dependable or anything like a good parent. Love that child more than anything in this world and I'd die before I let her down. But yeah man it's amazing how I came here to learn about steroids and end up finding this awesome little community. Guess a lot more people than me use lifting and exercise as a tool to stay clean lol. Thanks pal!
Yeah man I'd say half or more probably more of all gym people have had a previous addiction or had some issues with a breakup or something man. Probably more like 75 percent. I'm glad u had a better day and are doing better ed gets a lil easier and better everyday... Yeah man if u want you can hit me up on telegram whenever you want and I can give you the knowledge iv gained with gear and such compounds but also talk about mental health and just how things are going for you , myself included man. I'm just throwing it out there if u ever need to u can hit me up there whenever ya want.if u want I'll send ya a friend request and then just dm me and I'll send ya over my telegram name . And u can hit me up whenever idc about the time... I'll help ya with compounds and knowledge what you need and then always do it own research and learning don't just take mine. Cause no matter what everyone responds to gear differently. What might work for one person doesn't work for another, so there's a lil trial and error to see what works best for you and what ur trying to.achieve.... diet and training are deff first. But yeah that offer is open whenever u want or need it or just need to kinda empty out. I'm glad ur doing the right thing for ur daughter that's the most important thing at the end of the day . That's gotta come first now. I'm glad everyone came forward to help and support yeah
I've been meaning to ask you buddy how things turned out today - did you talk to your girlfriend and patch things over or is it still up in the air at the moment?
Man things went alright today. Things are still up in the air but I feel much better about it. I think it'll work out, we're supposed to talk more tomorrow. But even if things don't I'll be alright, it'll suck, I'll be sad about it for a while but it'll be alright regardless. Going to work and seeing my daughter put things more in perspective because I still had a great time with daughter even with all that's going on and that's what really matters and is the driving force in my life. Everything else is just a bonus. I appreciate your concern and lending an ear, I'm gonna stick around on here for sure it's awesome here! Hope everything is good with you as well!
Bro... I feel ya,,, get some duct tape for her mouth!!! Fr though my woman is the mouthiest woman I have ever been with.... I have anger issues that elevated easily when the barking starts... been working on my side of the street.. and she recognizes her part... we still get heated but things are slowly getting better with work on both our parts. BUT DAYUUUUM,, when we first got together,,, I had never been with a woman so vocal, didn't know how to handle and process that without getting super heated.... hell just rambling now. But if you love her and she is worth the effort, let your higher power direct your steps and ask him to softness her heart... until then break out the duct tape!
Lol sounds familiar.
First and foremost, I'm sorry about the dog brother. That's a tough one! They don't call them mans best friend for no reason. Loving non judgemental and want nothing but to make you happy. Sorry for your loss!
You are doing exactly what you are supposed to be doing bro, You are talking about it. You are letting ppl know where you're at and that's the most important thing. You acknowledge that you need help, even in the form of advice or just an ear to listen. It's NEVER whining! That's an old outdated school of thought and to be honest was always stupid.
Like my man said below, sometimes our higher power removes ppl from our life that don't need to be there. That's a form of abuse and none of us deserve to be talked to in that way. I'm sorry, but I wouldn't be reaching out. That will just give her more power and affirm to her that it is ok to talk to you like that. Don't let anybody walk on you brother. You're worth more than that! She will either come back apologizing and make changes or you were just blessed with possibly one of the best things that could've happened to you. If not her, someone will appreciate you and treat you with respect. If you think otherwise, you should work on your self worth. And I'm not trying to be a dick. Please don't take it as so.
We may be long distance, but there's a ton of good brothers on here that are always willing to lend an ear. I know I am! Brother Press is always on here as well! There's plenty more too! I Love that this group is here to reach out! You can always fr and pm if you need to talk. Speaking for myself, I'm always here if ya need an ear bro! I'm sure others would do exactly the same.
Keep your head up, don't pick up, do what you're doing and talk about it(gotta let it out) and you'll come out on top. It'll pass bro... It's just another obstacle that you'll get through. Ya ever need to talk, just reach out bro
Buddy you have A LOT going on in your life which would make anyone feel down, each one of those things would affect me massively let alone all of them at once!! Give yourself some time and just accept that things may feel shitty for a while. When an animal dies, personally I think its one of the worst feelings there is - its easy to conjure up hate and resentment for women when they piss you off but animals passing, impossible!! All they did was love you and give you happiness, its gut wrenching at least for the first few weeks I know myself - but in time it gets easier to deal with. Missing them will never stop though but like anything you learn to 'accept the things we cannot change' as its all just a part of life. Do not worry yourself over your girlfriend - if she is a good woman and loves you she will be back mate
These days not much goes bad really, as I no longer hang around with people that I know are bad for me or will betray my trust - that includes friends, family and others that are no good for anyone. I no longer keep pets as it breaks my heart when they die too much Lol AND above all else I make sure I do not drink, not that I want to anyhow but as seen as its the first thing many of us reached for when things got tough (or great!) I find things are so much easier to deal with and rationalise with a sober head on me, let alone when I wake up in the morning and the problem is still in fact there.
You will get through it mate, it feels like it is always just you dealing with these kinds of things but I assure you it isn't, in time these things will pass and sort out or they will simply fade into the distance and become irrelevant to you.
That's for sure, things can suck for a while and it'll be alright. Everyone here has told me acceptance and that's great advice. And things will always get better eventually. Just gotta get used to changes. I'm gonna just lay down for the night and get up and go to work tomorrow morning then maybe give her a call. If it doesn't fix itself it'll get better either way. I just have a lot of trouble with sitting and letting things play out and instead I try to make things happen now.
I'm really selective about friends and people I associate with, mostly I keep it to family, one or two friends I was with my girlfriend or ex girlfriend for a long time and she's been great, just sometimes doesn't control her emotions as much as I would like and I felt like I had to prove the point that I'm not going to be cussed and talked to in that way. If I did it to her and she did it would be different but I don't do that, I do my best to always control myself no matter what and I wish she would do the same.
You guys are pretty damn solid. Wasn't sure I'd get responses but I appreciate you taking the time and giving me good advice. I definitely won't be picking up over this or anything, that'll only make everything worse in the long run.
Sometimes the rough times are a blessing in disguise. Our higher power removes people from our lives who don’t need to be there, but also helps us get through tough times to come out stronger and to be able to help someone else through our experience. Trust your higher power and accept the awful times. Acceptance is the answer to all of our problems. Big book of 417
That's good advice man. Acceptance has always been hard for me, lol. I'm sure most of us can relate to that though.
1st off don't ever apologize for being "whiney" who would we be as men, to judge you and criticize you for speaking your feelings, don't keep that shit inside dude. Fuck all that "Be a man, toughin up, bullshit" any man who says they don't need help from time to time, is not only an ego maniac but also a liar. I'm going to find some knowledge from the basic text for you. Hold on
Man I appreciate that, I've never actually read the basic text, just the big book.
I didn't quite find was I was looking for but this reading is from a Member of AA. Also what helps me when I really feeling down. Open up the notes app on my phone and type 10 things I'm grateful for. Replace that negative thinking with some good. And reflect on what you wrote when you wake up every morning. Do it til you get some relief. Anyways here is the reading
What does it mean to live life on life’s terms? It is to say, “OK, Life, I see you. I don’t really like what you are saying or doing, but I am choosing not to ignore you. I am going to take you at face value and just do the next right thing.” It means to take each day one day at a time, sometimes one minute at a time, acknowledging and accepting what is, and what can or cannot be done within the current circumstances.
Living life on life’s terms is to:
**Tell the truth about what is really happening in life
**Accept my feelings about what life is giving me at this moment
**Discern what I can change or cannot change
**Take one small action step based on the present moment
We are living in unprecedented times. It can be difficult to not be tempted to put our heads in the sand to attempt to avoid reality or to become obsessively preoccupied with all of the information available to try to be prepared for what is next. Both options give a false sense of control and comfort that are strategies to avoid our true feelings.
The truth is, life is out of control. It always has been, and now we are facing that truth in a way that cannot be avoided in this cultural moment. With that truth usually comes a lot of feelings. Being out of control can feel painful and frightening. Thankfully, feelings are not facts and when we move through our feelings we can often come to a place of surrender that gives clarity to our needs that guide us to make changes that are within reach.