Thanks for the acceptance I'm glad I found this. It's kind of weird that I came here looking for something completely different than what I've found. I haven't even looked at the reviews I came here for. I was so excited to see a recovery group on a gear review site. How f-ing sweet is that! My HP working in mysterious ways. I've been searching for some guidance and actually have asked my HP to help me in this regard. " not shitting around". Anyhow just to put it out there and being open and transparent something I feel I need to do. Here's a small peak of my story.
I've struggled with alcohol for a while I hate using the term but a high level drunk. Successful company, beautiful wife, big house boat blah blah blah. I had everything together on the outside but fucking miserable on the inside. Started to realize in my early forties that I had a problem and things where starting to get bad. I constantly blamed it on everything but the problem. Tried everything to fix me, nothing worked but more booze and any other substance I could find. I finally found my way into the halls of AA back in 2018. I got clean for a year never did the steps, never got a sponsor and thought after a year I was fixed. "fucking wrong". Spent the next few years maintaining until about a year ago I took my golf cart into a ditch coming back from a neighbors house broke 8 ribs and fractured my pelvis. I spent 7 days in the trauma unit for pain management while basically hardcore detoxing. I'm sure my doctors knew to a degree but the morphine and other pain meds covered it pretty well. When I was released I was only given a few days worth of pain meds which I didn't even up taking in fear of the stories I've heard. So what does a untreated alcoholic do when he feels pain? Self medicate. The wife had cleared the house of all booze thinking I was done with it after what I had been through. I could barely move on my own and she was basically my caregiver. Somehow I found a way to Costco a few miles away. Within a few days I was downing a half gallon of vodka and a 12 pack of seltzers. After a month I had been blacked out for a few weeks. I didn't even remember my mom coming for a week. My body was shutting down and death was welcoming idea. I truly wanted to die. One afternoon a old friend came by" actually the guy that took me to my first meeting" I'm assuming my god "HP" was doing something for me which I couldn't do myself. I found a way to a detox/rehab in FL. " shithole" but it got me sober. I left against their directions after detox and returned to the halls. I found a sponsor and began working the steps. I got through the steps but still wasn't ready. It took a slip over the holidays and a trip out to Cali for rehab. I can say today I don't have any desire to drink and have found piece in sobriety. I have a okay sponsor a homegroup and attend meeting almost every day. Life has gotten much better since I finally surrendered and accepted a higher power into my life.
I started testosterone treatment a few months ago and have extremely enjoyed the results. It has helped me greatly with any urge to drink and feel it somehow makes me want to be as healthier and active a person. My thinking has become much clearer, it just works for me. I wish I would of looked into before but I don't think I was ready. I'm struggling with putting the weight and muscle back on due to almost a year dealing with the ribs and surgeries. I'm finally getting back to normal activities gym, golf surf and debating with the idea of kick starting it a bit. That's basically why I found this site. Like I stated before I'm here, looking to get educated things.
If you made it through this thanks for listening and i would love to hear your story.
AJ