+ 5 It's Been a Strange Day today :-(
I Felt I should write this post just to remind everyone - both long and short in their Sobriety timeline that you are never that far away from Deaths Door if you choose to relapse and fall back into the grips of Addiction, especially Alcohol. I say 'Choose' to relapse because thats exactly what you are choosing to do - no one is forcing you back into that life, maybe just your excuses as to why its fine 'just for tonight'.
I ran into an Old School friend and long time friend today in the supermarket who I hadn't seen for about 10 years, we spent many of our years from 14 to 25 kicking about together and had all sorts of laughs along in the journey of life. I was asking after some other friends I haven't seen in a while purely for the same reason as my pal I saw today - everyone has started families and got children and mainly just keeps themselves to themselves nowadays.
Turns out one of my Old Best pals from my teenage years up until around 30 had died 2 years ago. I was utterly shocked as he was the same as age as me and it was the last thing I expected to ever hear - just didn't seem real. Turns out he died from Alcoholism and died a pretty slow and awful death as a result. I always knew him as a bit of a drinker but no more than me in my hey day - in fact through the week he probably drank less than me overall but he was one of those guys that when he did hit it he could just sit there and drink a neat bottle of whiskey or vodka without batting an eye. I can only assume his drinking got much worse during the years we didn't see much of each other.
I've been thinking about it ever since for the past 8 hours, reminiscing in some amazing times and great years we spent in each others company - years you know now that you will never get back because he is gone. Funny how life works out and turns the cogs isn't it, all those years back then when we would ride around on our Motorbikes which is how we both met riding about in town as 16 year olds, you just would never imagine all these years down the line thats how things would turn out for him. Very very Sad 
- Bookmark
- 5
- 0
That is the cruel reality of this addiction in particular, alcohol. We all grew up with it, it’s a part of our daily life and for many, many years I thought it was truly harmless and only the real losers in life became alcoholics, not even realizing I was one. I’m deeply sorry about your friend. When I first got into recovery someone told me to buy at least one good suit. He said you’re going to need it because you’re about to go to a lot of funerals. I found out what he meant pretty quickly as I watched one person after another relapse and eventually die. It’s shocking to me sometimes still how close I came to death many times. Life will continue and we will see more people we know and love die from this disease. I’m sorry about your friend brother and I will send prayers your way.
Actually its quite funny because during the years I was very active attending and participating in AA meetings I didn't know anyone who died from alcohol abuse, although it was only the first 3 years of my sobriety that I attended regularly. What I did see though was everyone who started their journey when I did or within 6 months of me - they all RELAPSED. There was one guy who stuck with me till the year mark then fell by the wayside again. I was actually VERY surprised to see this happen as they all had sponsors and were regularly working the steps each week, but it seemed the slightest of temptations and they became derailed.
I got asked for many years how I managed to do it because I never used a sponsor or privately worked the steps - I enjoyed working through them in AA meetings though. I would always say the same thing and that's because I wanted it so badly and had been to my own Hell, that I vowed I never EVER wanted to feel like that again. It felt as if most of those people were there because they knew it was the right thing to do rather than truly wanting sobriety for themselves and their own sanity. Training and having that to focus on I would say played 50% of the reason I stayed away from drinking too - I knew if I were to fall even for just 2 nights then it would have a devastating impact on my lifting. During my final days of drinking in the summer I truly felt ill all the time, never a desire to eat or to be happy like I was once was. I knew deep down inside that all I was feeling was down to drinking - but for many years I never wanted to admit it or believe it.
I was in an inpatient rehab for 3 months and then in a sober living home for a year after. I got to see all kinds of addictions but alcohol was the worst with the exception of phent of course. The first year I had 6 people I met in the program relapse and die. Many others have relapse as well but I have lost touch with almost all of them except one. I don’t go to meetings anymore for reasons like you said. Most people don’t really want to be there anyway, they were there because they had to be.
I’m sorry to hear this man. I know it sucks and sorry for your loss. I’ll share this. I know this darkness and sorrow you speak of. This actually could have been me tbh. On the outside people saw a successful, fun family man that seemed to have it all. What they didn’t see was me having a drink for breakfast, maybe in between meetings, before playing or coaching soccer, drinking a bottle of Gin in one night while the wife and kids were asleep upstairs, sitting in church smelling like a boozehound while I battled many demons from life. Something’s happened one day where I thought I won’t be here for my wife and kids much longer if I don’t stop and fuck the demons I need to not be selfish. I put the bottle down and choose life. I chose my family. I chose not to be selfish and I have been sober since. So it is a choice. It’s not might not always be easy especially as a man because we put everything on our shoulders and don’t say shit but when you look at life from a different perspective it’s a no brainer and since this choice me and my family’s quality of life is fucking legendary and everyday is cherished. Any of my brothers that read this need someone to ever talk to hit me up. I got you.
Yesh I know what you mean. I could kill a 1/5 of vodka like it’s nothing. Makes me sick thinking about it these days. Besides the smell you wouldn’t was drunk. Good testimony man.
Thanks man. You are not kidding. Its like we shake our heads saying “I can’t believe what I was doing”
This is a brilliant story you have shared with us buddy - Great to have you in the group
Thank man. Glad to have found this group.
I work with newcomers a lot and I put a huge emphasis on principles, because they day will come when there's no fuckn meeting to go to, no one will pick up the phone, or you won't pick up the phone and you'll be an inch away from drinking or using.. and it'll be between you and whatever you call your higher power. Principles aren't just the solution to all my problems.. when I practice them.. they keep me from problems.
Sorry for your loss brother. I definitely choose on a daily basis from the time I wake up until the time I go to bed that I will not drink again. I was a poly drug user as well on top of drinking. I’m very lucky to be alive today and further more healthy at 47. I used many drugs over the years but opiates/heroin damn near daily for probably 15 years. Alcohol for 25 years. Alcohol was definitely the hardest to kick. The drugs I did the first go. Alcohol I was on off more times then I can count. I’m not even sure what changed that allowed me to finally stop and not pick back up. Especially with the confidence that I have today that I will choose to not drink again. Again very sorry for the loss and hope you can find some closure on this with other friends in your group.
For sure buddy - You've done really well to stay away from both of those things. Alcohol I think is probably harder to quit because its more socially acceptable to do - because everyone does it in bars or a home setting then its not seen to be so bad so you have a lot more of the temptation going on around you. But at the end of the day its still a Glass of mind altering, addictive drugs that will consume you if you let it. EXACTLY mate, the way you feel when you train and know you are strong and in good shape makes you look at all that shit now and think what on earth was I doing??? Drinking glasses of empty calories, fat and alcohol all day long and eating fuck all as a result of all the damage it did to me. My breakfast use to be 2 large vodkas and a splash of orange juice before anything else in the morning - God knows how I did that everyday.
Yeah I hate how I let negative things in my life when I was younger fuel my addictions. I was heavy into the gym from 17-23 when I got hurt in the gym. I was still a partier then too but way less and more into gym and health. After I got hurt snd couldn’t workout for a long time bc of neck injury snd severe migraines daily I fell into addiction quickly. Lots of other shit too compiled that but that’s another long ass story. Now I’m addicted to the gym and my health. Still have a problem with sugar at times and caffeine but I’m working on it. I can go to far really easy on lots of things if I’m not careful. I have a very addictive personality for sure. Even my work I get intense. Through all that I never lost a job from my addictions luckily. 30 years of running headers/fasteners.
Sorry to hear about your loss bro... I've seen too much of this. At this point I'm unaffected by it. If any of my brothers is recovery chose to go back out.. they've made their choice. I'll be in the rooms when they get back or I'll be at their funeral.
Yeah buddy its very surreal almost that someone who you have spent a lot of your life with especially during the fun days as a teenager has died from drink fairly young - just cannot believe he is gone basically forever. Life is one real Head Fuck and it seems to play its tricks more the older you get!!! I am pretty sure there is some more of this kinda thing to go yet.
I get it.. most of my oldest friends are gone or still lost in their disease. The brothers in recovery can no longer claim the ignorance of the jaywalker. Life hardened my heart a long time ago. Empathy is definitely a practice of mine, not an ingrained principle.
Yeah I’ve lost a lot myself. It’s very sad but also makes me glad I made it. I too struggle with empathy. I have a very hard time feeling sad for anyone especially those I have no connection too. So I know how you feel brother.
I almost feel guilty for saying it pal - but after I found that out today it made me so glad that I got out of all that mess when I did. If he passed from that amount of time and usage from drinking then its more than feasible that I would of too. It also made me proud of myself that I managed to stand up to it and beat it, despite being completely and utter hopeless and on my arse at the time. As long as you have a breath in your lungs its never too late to quit and make it out alive.
I know that feeling all too well man. I’m very grateful to be here and will continue to live my life that way. My oldest son struggles with alcoholism. He’s 30 now. The guilt I feel that I passed that along to him is hard some days. We talk almost daily at least through text. I’m trying to find away to get through to him but until he’s ready he won’t do it. I just hope and pray for his kids sake that it’s before it’s too late.
Have you really tried to sit down and talk to him mate, not as someone giving him a lecture or where he is going wrong but as someone that sincerely cares and loves for him? Have you tried to get him to open up to you about why he is doing this? This is the part where my father couldn't help me - because back then he was quite hardened and distant from me, quite cold emotionally and my mother is a toxic alcoholic so she was useless. There will be a big reason underneath it all why he feels he cannot stop and why he became more than just a social drinker in the first place - its not just because people fall in love with the feeling of drink. Although I loved the escapism drink gave me and an alternate reality (Yes I'm a pisces lol) there was a very big reason why I became dependant on it in the end and its not something I would choose to say on here.
I’m a pieces too but on the cusp or Aries. March 20th. Yeah we’ve definitely discussed things. I actually never lecture bc I know that shit doesn’t work anyway. His mom wasn’t the best mother and horrible wife. She did a lot of unforgivable things to him especially bc he was the oldest. I hade three kids with her. We divorced when they were little. She had medical issues later on and got addicted to opiates too. They obviously loved their mother very much regardless of her shortcomings. My boys were the ones who found her dead on lunch when they were in high school. He needs more counseling for sure. The story behind all this is incredibly long but that’s the long and short of it. Yeah I used alcohol to escape the many things my own mother allowed to happen to me as a child that are just unspeakable. My father was to much of a friend and not a father so he allowed me to do whatever I wanted instead of parenting. I was an alcoholic from jump street. I was sneaking alcohol as a child of 10 years old.
Well then.. your old friend left you quite a parting gift. The gift of gratitude. Gratefulness for your life and your recovery. Sometimes the ones that don't make it, make a bigger impact than the ones that do.
This is very true. Sad but definitely true.