We've all been trough many things. I just turned another year closer to 50. I'm a man that chooses discomfort. Blame it on whatever, but some of us aren't truly content unless there's a level of discintention. My ex wife and I used to drink, heavily. She always became argumentative, sometimes physically assaulting. After the 3rd or 4th time she assaulted me, all 5'6" 130lbs 9f her, (don't judge so fast, most times I was asleep) I was backed into a corner. I let her get a dozen or so punched on my face, I had to throw one back. I knocked her unconscious. Her behavior was always unruly, it was almost a turn on until it went south. Long story short, our child is 16 years old, haven't seen him in years. My ex has been diagnosed with MS. Multiple lesions on her brain. It's not always bad attitude, sometimes people aren't well. And sometimes they're both, but live your life buddy, best wishes.
Edit- one of the few times in the state I live in, tho county police pressed assault charges on her as representatives of the state. They took it out of my hands because of the continual violence. Listen to advice, live your life.
I'm goin through some similar shit right now but don't wanna drag it out... Crazy how I stumbled upon this post at the weirdest time... God is good... Heard this song at the gym when I was reading y'all's comments... Shit hit me and lowerd my BP lol https://youtu.be/pHlSE9j5FGY Hope y'all can dig it!
I'm from a background were my dad would beat my mum on a regular. He was a bouncer and boxer, would regularly cheat on and hurt my mum.
He bailed and left country when I was only 5. He gave me a lesson from that young, to never be like him. I was in a relationship of 15 years were I was attacked by ex many times, all I ever thought was back to my dad. What he would have done, I realised a real man is one who can control his emotions and not lash out. That's alpha. That's being a man.
For me now I know what to look for when dealing with a woman with these tendencies. I don't believe either party should ever attack each other.
When it gets to that point, you literally have no respect for one another. So leave.
Ironically, last night I watched an episode of Yellowstone. A girl was punching her brother repeatedly in the face yelling at him, "Be a man... Be a man." He was taking the punches backing off a bit more after each punch. He had finally had enough and decked his sister. Looking down at her laying on the floor he yelled back, "Is that man enough for you?!"
Some women have been through trauma were they expect men to be the same as all they have experienced, then push for that reaction. As a testing point or a way to tarnish your self control.
Very very true pal. I hate relationships where the woman thinks its perfectly fine to slap the guy round the face if he says something that pisses her off. I've been in them and its extremely hard not to retaliate, you just realise they have no respect for you and think that physical violence is perfectly fine. Problem is you can guarantee that situation will repeat itself again and again in the future, some guys aren't as fussed by it as others are. For me personally though, someone who truly loves you would never want to harm you even when its only a slap. A certain bond has been broken once it has happened thats hard to get back.
I sit back and say why did she cheat , was it me , was i missing something, was i taking care of business at home was i doing everything a man should do for his partner.
If i was doing everything i could on my part then i couldnt forgive. If i was slacking in anyway thats the cosiquence of you not handling your business at home with the person you want forever with. I would have to man up and relize inshould have done better. Guys if we find that ONE WOMAN we cant forget how hard it is to find that ONE. AND we have to show them everyday cause there some low life cocksucker always trying to take what we have.
When Shirley smacked me in the face with a glass, I was clueless.... 12-years later the same.... but still with her. This is what this spot is about. When my wife looked me in the face and made her declaration of infidelity..... I could have been a victim of my thoughts or rised above. Here I am, I asked one question of forum friends... anonymous... 'How do I forgive like Christ?' I don't know, maybe He was real, but He would forgive... how would I?
A member stated,, it was a very long time before I learned the truth.....'It took you a year to learn the truth... why not give yourself a year to get over it?' It took two years but yeah, I got over it
This is a tough one and doubt if you're over it even after 2 years. You can and will get triggered.
Fist thing to decide, what is it you truly want? If it's her, then you have a hard road ahead.
Second is recognizing how you contributed to the desire for her wanting to cheat on you in the first place. Do not lie to yourself -ever.
Thirdly, Get an unconditional apology. "I'm sorry I cheated on you, but if you hadn't..." is not an apology. She had choices (talking to you on how she felt, counseling, divorce, anything almost. Cheating was a choice. A destructive hurtful one.)
Fourth, Forgive her. Forgive yourself. Love is all that is required.
fifth, you both need to be all in, no threats of leaving when arguing. Remember the first thing and put ego aside.
sixth, trust requires acting trustworthy.
seventh, when you feel triggered, (e.g. she's out with the girls it's later than when she said she'd be home, and she's not answering her phone) Let her know, let her know how it made you feel. Don't be argumentative or accusing.
Do not hold this over her head -ever. It will become part of the Journey you're making together.
If she cheats again, shoot her and feed her to the pigs.
Five and seven are still on point for me. I actually got that apology, luckily I first apologized to here... I found myself with 'upper hand' and I hate people who work like that. I would find myself just wanting her to crawl on all fours and that is not a healthy thought (unless having sex) and I had to apologize for thinking like that. Yeah, this is one of those things that takes prison sentence time.... it does not pass easily. Thanks, I am actually surprised on the people showing here and sharing. Fucking tough one.
Greg you always have good advise. That’s why I asked you about my trans child. Even then you gave me great advise. You said my job hasn’t changed as a father. And a lot of other stuff that’s too long to write. I still appreciate that. It helped
8th, Consider your family. If you have kids and it will effect them, be honest about it. Maybe what’s best for you isn’t best for them. Consider the in-law relationship you could lose. How your own parents are going to see it. Family helps more than people realize.
It was actually the rabbits. The way my wife told me, it was in an heated argument over my son drinking and driving home drunk, I was giving it to him, the argument ended with her yelling that phrase to me. It took eight cars and a meat wagon to pull me out of the home that night, she says to this day that I strangled her and I don't remember that, but I might have. The cop shop took a pounding that night, or rather, I did, but it was not easy on them. Ultimately, that day of release, I was worried about my rabbits and they saved what I do feel is a pretty good marriage. I have to remember that it could have been me making that mistake and where would I be then? Fucking rabbits!
I was in a relationship a long time ago where my partner basically cheated on me and we broke up ..... She came back crying saying she was wrong and was sorry, and of course I took her back Lol
BUT I could never get over it, never forgave her for it & it stayed in the back of my head through out the duration of the relationship and it never worked. Depends if you can genuinely forgive them Saint, I learnt I'm not the forgiving type Lol
I was lucky. I was only 19 or so when my first love cheated. I was also lucky I didn't catch a case back then. You see she was at a party and half of my crew was there. They were in contact with me the whole time. When she went into a bedroom with the dude they called me and I was waiting for them when they came out. I never put a hand on her but he wasn't so lucky. Now that was 19 year old me and I was deeply hurt, that dude didn't deserve the beating he got. Later that same night she came over to my house and begged for forgiveness, I said no.
Now as young as I was I still spent some time alone (almost two years) to sort myself out and I dove into my work. Then I met my wife and we went on to have a pretty awesome life and she is as loyal as the day is long.Funny, the ex and I talked a bit a few years ago and life was not as kind to here. She raised two sons from two fathers as a single mom and has never been married. She told me that night and losing me is her biggest regret. Truth be told without that event I wouldn't be as mature as I am. I was a dumb 19 year old.
So my advice is go out and succeed beyond what they ever imagined.
Many a true word spoken there Pale, I think also you actually catching her cheating on you makes it even harder to ignore and forget in your own mind. With this girl I was with she did the usual act of trying to play it all down and that she didn't sleep with him much etc but I knew what was going on and how she acts with guys. I always told myself I would never be that guy who is cheated on and then goes back for more and look what happened lol - sure enough she never changed her colours and did the exact same thing again. Like your ex also, you find these types of women with no morals or consideration for others then go on to live their entire lives like that - becoming pregnant with guys and having children without a father etc. I then went on to meet the girl of my dreams after that - even still then my ex would see us both in bars and come up and try talk to me in front of her Lol But yet again I messed up there also as she was a bit young for me and as soon as she hit early twenties she had a personality transplant and became a different person as some do. I'm kind of use to the bachelor life nowadays, I can often find relationships stressful if they aren't stable and grounded with someone who is fairly laid back.
My advice is pay careful attention to her family history. If her parents have been through some shit but stayed by each other’s side she is likely to as well.. But also if her parents were absolutely fucked that can also be a catalyst for her to not ever be like that. Bottom line communicate and if you hear a red flag don’t ignore
I discussed with BFG about this post, making you a mod... are you in? I would have committed murder without support, so I believe this has a place. Was going to lock it down, but that guy saved me.... we could do the same. I will figure out how to make you a Mod... you can reject, but BFG agreed. We might lock this down, but you should have permissions....
Buddy I am very honoured that you considered me for that, but you don't need me as a mod mate - you are fine as you are I consider you as a good friend of mine and you have a Great heart with everything you do for the animals so I'll always help you anyway if you need me.
Also remember this mate - I'm sure there isn't a single one of us on this site who hasn't had a woman cheat on them at some point, sometimes several times. When it happens to you it feels like you are the only one in the world who has ever gone through this and why does it have to happen to you? I can also attest to the fact that when you have been with the same woman for years it can be very easy to get complacent and use to them like you expect them to just be there for you 24/7, sometimes when these things happen it can be a very harsh reminder of how much they do in fact mean to you in a way you never even realised. Reminds me of the phrase 'Behind every attractive woman is a man sick of sleeping with her' which is true, so remind yourself of just how good you have got things from time to time
Same happened here won't go into detail but if you can't truly forgive her you will never truly be happy. The relationship will suffer and it will never be the same.
Put it all... that is what this is about... we will be banning people if they get out of place. A group saved my marriage.... I believe we can pass it onto you and or othres.
Sounds like a lot of us have been in this situation my friend. There’s not a specific way for a person to heal. If a group on here is what you used than that’s amazing. Some people turn to the bottle, some people smoke it away, some people turn to forums where they can better themselves.
I will talk shit with the best of them. But if a person truly asks for help (stranger or not) I’m probably gonna help. Something as small as lending an ear can save lives.
Molinin302We've all been trough many things. I just turned another year closer to 50. I'm a man that chooses discomfort. Blame it on whatever, but some of us aren't truly content unless there's a level of discintention. My ex wife and I used to drink, heavily. She always became argumentative, sometimes physically assaulting. After the 3rd or 4th time she assaulted me, all 5'6" 130lbs 9f her, (don't judge so fast, most times I was asleep) I was backed into a corner. I let her get a dozen or so punched on my face, I had to throw one back. I knocked her unconscious. Her behavior was always unruly, it was almost a turn on until it went south. Long story short, our child is 16 years old, haven't seen him in years. My ex has been diagnosed with MS. Multiple lesions on her brain. It's not always bad attitude, sometimes people aren't well. And sometimes they're both, but live your life buddy, best wishes.
Edit- one of the few times in the state I live in, tho county police pressed assault charges on her as representatives of the state. They took it out of my hands because of the continual violence. Listen to advice, live your life.
I'm goin through some similar shit right now but don't wanna drag it out... Crazy how I stumbled upon this post at the weirdest time... God is good... Heard this song at the gym when I was reading y'all's comments... Shit hit me and lowerd my BP lol https://youtu.be/pHlSE9j5FGY Hope y'all can dig it!
I'm from a background were my dad would beat my mum on a regular. He was a bouncer and boxer, would regularly cheat on and hurt my mum.
He bailed and left country when I was only 5. He gave me a lesson from that young, to never be like him. I was in a relationship of 15 years were I was attacked by ex many times, all I ever thought was back to my dad. What he would have done, I realised a real man is one who can control his emotions and not lash out. That's alpha. That's being a man.
For me now I know what to look for when dealing with a woman with these tendencies. I don't believe either party should ever attack each other.
When it gets to that point, you literally have no respect for one another. So leave.
Ironically, last night I watched an episode of Yellowstone. A girl was punching her brother repeatedly in the face yelling at him, "Be a man... Be a man." He was taking the punches backing off a bit more after each punch. He had finally had enough and decked his sister. Looking down at her laying on the floor he yelled back, "Is that man enough for you?!"
She replied, "A real man would have walked away."
Some women have been through trauma were they expect men to be the same as all they have experienced, then push for that reaction. As a testing point or a way to tarnish your self control.
Very very true pal. I hate relationships where the woman thinks its perfectly fine to slap the guy round the face if he says something that pisses her off. I've been in them and its extremely hard not to retaliate, you just realise they have no respect for you and think that physical violence is perfectly fine. Problem is you can guarantee that situation will repeat itself again and again in the future, some guys aren't as fussed by it as others are. For me personally though, someone who truly loves you would never want to harm you even when its only a slap. A certain bond has been broken once it has happened thats hard to get back.
I sit back and say why did she cheat , was it me , was i missing something, was i taking care of business at home was i doing everything a man should do for his partner.
If i was doing everything i could on my part then i couldnt forgive. If i was slacking in anyway thats the cosiquence of you not handling your business at home with the person you want forever with. I would have to man up and relize inshould have done better. Guys if we find that ONE WOMAN we cant forget how hard it is to find that ONE. AND we have to show them everyday cause there some low life cocksucker always trying to take what we have.
You have all the sentiments written, awesome and hard at the same time. That is the thinking that we can grow upon.
AnonVery wise.
When Shirley smacked me in the face with a glass, I was clueless.... 12-years later the same.... but still with her. This is what this spot is about. When my wife looked me in the face and made her declaration of infidelity..... I could have been a victim of my thoughts or rised above. Here I am, I asked one question of forum friends... anonymous... 'How do I forgive like Christ?' I don't know, maybe He was real, but He would forgive... how would I?
A member stated,, it was a very long time before I learned the truth.....'It took you a year to learn the truth... why not give yourself a year to get over it?' It took two years but yeah, I got over it
100% If we wanna be forgiven we must also forgive... Sometimes it's easy other times I don't think it's possible...
This is a tough one and doubt if you're over it even after 2 years. You can and will get triggered.
Fist thing to decide, what is it you truly want? If it's her, then you have a hard road ahead.
Second is recognizing how you contributed to the desire for her wanting to cheat on you in the first place. Do not lie to yourself -ever.
Thirdly, Get an unconditional apology. "I'm sorry I cheated on you, but if you hadn't..." is not an apology. She had choices (talking to you on how she felt, counseling, divorce, anything almost. Cheating was a choice. A destructive hurtful one.)
Fourth, Forgive her. Forgive yourself. Love is all that is required.
fifth, you both need to be all in, no threats of leaving when arguing. Remember the first thing and put ego aside.
sixth, trust requires acting trustworthy.
seventh, when you feel triggered, (e.g. she's out with the girls it's later than when she said she'd be home, and she's not answering her phone) Let her know, let her know how it made you feel. Don't be argumentative or accusing.
Do not hold this over her head -ever. It will become part of the Journey you're making together.
If she cheats again, shoot her and feed her to the pigs.
Five and seven are still on point for me. I actually got that apology, luckily I first apologized to here... I found myself with 'upper hand' and I hate people who work like that. I would find myself just wanting her to crawl on all fours and that is not a healthy thought (unless having sex) and I had to apologize for thinking like that. Yeah, this is one of those things that takes prison sentence time.... it does not pass easily. Thanks, I am actually surprised on the people showing here and sharing. Fucking tough one.
Greg you always have good advise. That’s why I asked you about my trans child. Even then you gave me great advise. You said my job hasn’t changed as a father. And a lot of other stuff that’s too long to write. I still appreciate that. It helped
8th, Consider your family. If you have kids and it will effect them, be honest about it. Maybe what’s best for you isn’t best for them. Consider the in-law relationship you could lose. How your own parents are going to see it. Family helps more than people realize.
It was actually the rabbits. The way my wife told me, it was in an heated argument over my son drinking and driving home drunk, I was giving it to him, the argument ended with her yelling that phrase to me. It took eight cars and a meat wagon to pull me out of the home that night, she says to this day that I strangled her and I don't remember that, but I might have. The cop shop took a pounding that night, or rather, I did, but it was not easy on them. Ultimately, that day of release, I was worried about my rabbits and they saved what I do feel is a pretty good marriage. I have to remember that it could have been me making that mistake and where would I be then? Fucking rabbits!
I was in a relationship a long time ago where my partner basically cheated on me and we broke up ..... She came back crying saying she was wrong and was sorry, and of course I took her back Lol
BUT I could never get over it, never forgave her for it & it stayed in the back of my head through out the duration of the relationship and it never worked. Depends if you can genuinely forgive them Saint, I learnt I'm not the forgiving type Lol
You dodged a bullet Press.
I was lucky. I was only 19 or so when my first love cheated. I was also lucky I didn't catch a case back then. You see she was at a party and half of my crew was there. They were in contact with me the whole time. When she went into a bedroom with the dude they called me and I was waiting for them when they came out. I never put a hand on her but he wasn't so lucky. Now that was 19 year old me and I was deeply hurt, that dude didn't deserve the beating he got. Later that same night she came over to my house and begged for forgiveness, I said no.
Now as young as I was I still spent some time alone (almost two years) to sort myself out and I dove into my work. Then I met my wife and we went on to have a pretty awesome life and she is as loyal as the day is long.Funny, the ex and I talked a bit a few years ago and life was not as kind to here. She raised two sons from two fathers as a single mom and has never been married. She told me that night and losing me is her biggest regret. Truth be told without that event I wouldn't be as mature as I am. I was a dumb 19 year old.
So my advice is go out and succeed beyond what they ever imagined.
Many a true word spoken there Pale, I think also you actually catching her cheating on you makes it even harder to ignore and forget in your own mind. With this girl I was with she did the usual act of trying to play it all down and that she didn't sleep with him much etc but I knew what was going on and how she acts with guys. I always told myself I would never be that guy who is cheated on and then goes back for more and look what happened lol - sure enough she never changed her colours and did the exact same thing again. Like your ex also, you find these types of women with no morals or consideration for others then go on to live their entire lives like that - becoming pregnant with guys and having children without a father etc. I then went on to meet the girl of my dreams after that - even still then my ex would see us both in bars and come up and try talk to me in front of her Lol But yet again I messed up there also as she was a bit young for me and as soon as she hit early twenties she had a personality transplant and became a different person as some do. I'm kind of use to the bachelor life nowadays, I can often find relationships stressful if they aren't stable and grounded with someone who is fairly laid back.
My advice is pay careful attention to her family history. If her parents have been through some shit but stayed by each other’s side she is likely to as well.. But also if her parents were absolutely fucked that can also be a catalyst for her to not ever be like that. Bottom line communicate and if you hear a red flag don’t ignore
I discussed with BFG about this post, making you a mod... are you in? I would have committed murder without support, so I believe this has a place. Was going to lock it down, but that guy saved me.... we could do the same. I will figure out how to make you a Mod... you can reject, but BFG agreed. We might lock this down, but you should have permissions....
TronI personally think I would be a good choice ...an excellent candidate for performing modisms
I will work on it, going to take me a minute
Buddy I am very honoured that you considered me for that, but you don't need me as a mod mate - you are fine as you are
I consider you as a good friend of mine and you have a Great heart with everything you do for the animals so I'll always help you anyway if you need me.
Good enough, thanks.
Also remember this mate - I'm sure there isn't a single one of us on this site who hasn't had a woman cheat on them at some point, sometimes several times. When it happens to you it feels like you are the only one in the world who has ever gone through this and why does it have to happen to you? I can also attest to the fact that when you have been with the same woman for years it can be very easy to get complacent and use to them like you expect them to just be there for you 24/7, sometimes when these things happen it can be a very harsh reminder of how much they do in fact mean to you in a way you never even realised. Reminds me of the phrase 'Behind every attractive woman is a man sick of sleeping with her' which is true, so remind yourself of just how good you have got things from time to time
TricepatopsSame happened here won't go into detail but if you can't truly forgive her you will never truly be happy. The relationship will suffer and it will never be the same.
Put it all... that is what this is about... we will be banning people if they get out of place. A group saved my marriage.... I believe we can pass it onto you and or othres.
Sounds like a lot of us have been in this situation my friend. There’s not a specific way for a person to heal. If a group on here is what you used than that’s amazing. Some people turn to the bottle, some people smoke it away, some people turn to forums where they can better themselves.
I will talk shit with the best of them. But if a person truly asks for help (stranger or not) I’m probably gonna help. Something as small as lending an ear can save lives.