As most of you know. I am currently in an abusive relationship with my rather large 350 + lb tren/cheque drops using girlfriend.
She is always beating the shit out of me. Last night after a long 3 hour shift of placing grade b sour cream on various Taco Bell Burritos, I rode my red Huffy Tenspeed to my trailer house located in the east hills trailer park. Upon arrival, I could see the flicker of fire. My first thought was that my lady was waiting for me to get home so that she could pour unleaded gasoline on me and start me on fire. That's just how she rolls.
To my surprise, upon opening the doors, the flicker of light was a couple of candles centerpiecing a lovely dinner of Kraft macaroni and cheese. Well not Kraft brand, but the Sam's choice "Cheesy Pasta Tubes".
I was awestruck as I noticed that my lady wasn't wearing her food encrusted lumberjack flannel jammies tonight. She was wearing her purple moo moo with the cool-aid stain on it. (She knows it makes me hot!)
As our eyes connected, in her sexiest Ralph Machio voice she whispers; "Welcome Home Bitch."
I am, of course immediatly turned on. I rip off my purple Taco Bell polo shirt to expose my finely toned sweat stained wife beater clad body-- hoping to skip all of the foreplay formalities, only to be stopped by her massive man hand around my throat. She tells me;"Not Quite YET!"
So I sit down and eat the mac and cheese while I listen to her tell me about this dude who's ass she kicked for cutting in line at the piggly wiggly. It was an absolutely riviting story.
She then pulls out a dvd. Hoping it's porn... I'm dissapointed to find that its the movie "Hope Floats". I whisper under my breath: "Shit I hate that show." My sweet lady looks up and says: "What Bitch?" .."Nothing." I say.
So we sit down after dinner and she puts in hope floats and plunks down on her dirty ass, used to be yellow bean bag chair. Fills the whole damn thing up. She pats the remaining 3 inches on the side and urges me to sit by her. Great.
So I sit down and start to watch the movie.
Unfortunately that day I took 4 Aromasin because my nipple was sore from one of my girl friend's tittie twisters.. Not wanting to take the chance of breast development I took 4 aromasin just in case. (I just couldn't handle the lethal combo of nman titties and my girls daily tittie twisters.) I sit down. Estro levels in the negative and attempt to watch Hope Floats. After about 10 minutes, I stand up and tell her I can't take it any more and walk into the bedroom to go to bed. She (of course) is infuriated. She follows me in and beats my ass like a rented mule. Luckily, because I had zero levels of estro. I didn't cry. Not even a little.
Thanks Aromasin. All my love, No Homo
Ed