First of all, I want to give a shout out & a big thank you to all the members of this new group!! It’s not much, but I hope it’s a place that can help us through a hard day or find encouragement to push on through a tough battle. More people suffer from anxiety and/or depression than we may realize although at times we feel alone or like no one understands. Let’s all work together here to encourage one another & help each other through this great battle.
A little about myself. I am 43 years old as of this month & I have taken many wrong roads & made bad decisions, but by the Grace of God I have made it this far & it’s my greatest desire to help others make it.
I have suffered from anxiety attacks & I have also suffered severe depression to the point that I tried to commit suicide several times and came very close to achieving it... again mercy allowed me another chance. Because of my anxiety & depression I turned to alcohol & drugs, which eventually took me to the very bottom. I tried every drug that I could get my hands on to drown out the pain & make me forget that I in my mind wasn’t normal. I’ve learned that sometimes we weren’t meant to be perfect, but it’s perfectly ok to be broken. I was born & raised in the Appalachian Mountains & I came from a poor family with history of alcohol & drug abuse. So as I wise man once said, man is born a few days & full of trouble. We lived in a small cabin that had no insulation besides the sheets my mom hung to try to keep out the cold, & we had no bathroom inside & to say the least we lived rough. It never really bothered me till I got older & other kids would try to make fun of my clothes & all that I didn’t have. I know that anxiety & depression can be passed down from family through genes, & that no doubt was so in my case. I do however remember when my greatest battle started in my mind & on the inside. I was 4 or 5. My grandfather on my moms side was a severe alcoholic all his life till the day he died. He was a rough man & a heartless man. He abused me one time, & one time was all it took to scar me for life. Even at a young age I knew that it was wrong & felt like the worse thing ever had happened to me & I couldn’t figure out why. I didn’t want to do it, but I didn’t yell or run away either. I realize now that it was due to shock & fear, but back then I felt even worse because I didn’t do something about it. I felt regret & hated myself @ 5 years old. I told my parents everything the day it happened & they sit down & talked with me about it not being my fault & all that & I told them I understood, but actually on the inside there was no consolation. The older I got the more it tormented me & I eventually started drinking at around 10 & started smoking weed around a year later. It seemed to help for awhile, but at night when I was alone in bed, my anxiety always came back & depression overtook me. I know I’m not writing an autobiography so I will spare the rest of the details, but I lost many close friends to alcohol & drugs & it kept me in a downward spiral. I could clean up & do good for awhile, but something would trigger the depression & I’d go right back to the drugs & alcohol. Finally, at a point where my wife went to a lawyer to file divorce papers & broke down in tears & couldn’t sign them herself & I lost my job & finances were depleted & I was about to lose everything that meant anything to me, I decided once & for all that I was done with the drugs & alcohol & decided that my family was worth fighting for & I would fight the anxiety & depression & I would win so help me God!! Now I have been clean for 8 years & next month will be my 21st wedding anniversary, and I have a 5 year old awesome grandson & a granddaughter on the way!! I still have bouts that I have to battle & I have good days & bad, but it’s been worth fighting for & so I will continue with everything in me to battle on. Overall I have great hope, peace & a stronger love than ever before. I was able to get my job back after getting clean, & now I’m also a preacher that evangelizes all over & a founder & CEO of a world missions that helps churches, schools & the poor all over the world, but mainly focused in Central America right now. Again I will reiterate, it’s worth the bumps, bruises, bad days & everything else to keep battling & persevering!!
You don’t have to be as detailed as I have been, but please leave an intro & let’s tell each other a little about ourselves & what we have faced and/or what we’re going through now. It both helps you to openly talk & get it off your soul, & it helps & encourages others to know their not alone in their problems & suffering.
God Bless each of you & your families!!
JAR