TheIcon's picture
TheIcon
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Bathroom Lockdown

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So I am curious. If there are 3 stalls in a bathroom are you one of those guys that takes the middle stall and essentialy puts the whole bathroom on lockdown. Cause we all know we don't want to sit directly next to someone else shyting where we can see their shoes and hear the strains and sounds of them wiping their crusty balloon knot.

We all know that dead uncomfortable silence when no one wants to push hard or make any noise wiping so everyone sits there quietly for 30 min waiting for someone to make the first move. Its more uncomfortable then making the first move when you are 14yrs old with the hot older Senior grade girl.

Like do us all a favor and take an end seat with a 1 toilet buffer inbetween unless its an absolute emergency like you are Joe Biden after eating Listeria laced Pecan Praline Ice Cream. Come on man!

Greg's picture

Middle stall; gloryhole on both sides. What's not to like?

No homo

Drexyl's picture

Skiing.

Drexyl's picture
23Sparta's picture

Lmafo, I just watched that and uhhhh yeah, that’s all you need to know

Drexyl's picture

Worst part is I’ve done this twice. Not on a guys shoes, but I’ve blasted two walls. It was bad bro, very bad.

23Sparta's picture

Blasted two walls lmfao, it happens for sure, especially in this sport. You are not alone

Drexyl's picture

One was just a blast, the other one has a story behind it, I could make a video about it like Greg the momo. It was so bad… if I went there right now, 6 years later, peeled the wall base back, there’s dried up diarrhea there. It involved “Twisted Tea” and Wendy’s burgers together. May have been a baconator.

23Sparta's picture

Lmfao, dyyyying, twisted tea and a baconator

I shit like 6 times a day right now, so there's plenty of opportunity for poop drama in my life. Like this morning, I woke up and both our bathrooms were booked up and I had slept ate a bunch of these things from Costco that are made with chia seeds, flax seeds, and quinoa. I couldn’t wait, decided not to squat down outside and shit in a plastic grocery bag, and just drove to the gas station. Got there and they were cleaning it, but I didn’t take no for an answer

23Sparta's picture

When I was in a youth corrections boot camp…. When you take a shit, there are no stall doors, and the next kid in line, his knees are touching your knees while you’re taking a shit, and he’s holding his toilette paper in his hand and counting down from 60. That’s how much time you have and when he gets to zero, if you’re not off, the corporal is yanking you off

NWApatches's picture

Hell yeah. Turn them youths into hardened men!

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23Sparta's picture

Yeah, lmao, all they did was turn me into a little badass mf with all them damn pushups

NWApatches's picture

That's the little badass mf starter pack. Institutional push ups

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TheIcon's picture

Thus shyt or get off the pot was coined

23Sparta's picture

Lmao

Steeltoad777's picture

I'm big on proper bathroom etiquette. I'd always go for an outside stall.

Greg Valentino has a great story about shitting on an old man's shoes when he had explosive diarrhea and didn't make it to the bowl in time in a lobby bathroom at a ritzy hotel.

JakeKO's picture

Bro, I would never want to take a shit at the gym, but if I get a shit attack, I’ll use any stall available. If you’re dumb enough to take a middle stall for weirdness reasons, I’ll have no problem blasting out in the stall next to you, LOL

Jockstrap's picture

Oh definitly!!! See who can bust the loudest fart

NWApatches's picture

I'll sit right next to you and look you dead in the eyes with veins bulging through my forehead.

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creatinehcl's picture

I'm more curious to find out what kind of chemistry you're taking, so this topic came to your mind Biggrin
When it comes to the topic, I don't know that I have ever pooped in a public toilet.

TheIcon's picture

GTFO No public bathrooms.

Hell I pooped in the ocean once during Spring Break. I refused to walk back to the hotel. If whales and fish can crap in the ocean so can I.

And wouldn't you know it. It was a floater. My friends acted like Jesus and were walking on water trying to get away from Mr. Hankey.

Jockstrap's picture

Whales can blast over 50gallons of sperm per orgasm. So theres that too. Lol

Chad P's picture

Bro as a construction worker on residential jobs, I don’t always have a bathroom available. I’ve prob shit everywhere anyone can think of. When that bitch gets chambered, it’s a 60 seconds max countdown, it’s coming out no matter what.

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JakeKO's picture

I worked Highway construction for many years and we deck patching using lane closures, so we didn’t have any Porto John’s on these jobs. We would keep a toilet seat and a spackle bucket in the back of one of the pick up trucks. When nature called, I was happy to have that set up, Lol

press1's picture

If I am going for a shit in a public toilet, its because I REALLY need a turd and that turtle is gonna start poking its head out otherwise, so I really don't evaluate or care where anyone else is lowering their small child LMAO I just get in there - lace the toilet seat with Bog roll and 'Press1' that motherfucker out Baby!!!

Worst part of the whole experience for me is knowing I am breathing in the vapours of somelse's smelly turd, so I quickly get to work and wipe then get the 'Hell outta there.

TheIcon's picture

Watch out mouth breathers. Press1 has entered the bathroom!

press1's picture

One thing I have always wanted to do is screw a work colleague (female lol) in a work toilet - that would be fun I imagine.

Black90tsi's picture

I think the supply room sounds better personally. But maybe you can follow in Gene Simmons shoes and get yourself a blumpkin. I've certainly farted while getting some head before. And she was a real champ about it. Never even acknowledged that happened. But i've def never been dropping a deuce while receiving head. That just sounds nasty.

press1's picture

I've had a bird shit on me once after I had been doing her up the arse when she was on top - Happened when she got off me LMFAO I found it funny as hell at the time as she was so embarrassed about it, I personally saw it as I had done a job well done!! hahaha

Black90tsi's picture

It's a little weird you were doing a bird up it's ass. What kind of bird was it?

press1's picture

A Pidgeon mate - its the only bird where I can get a nice tight fit!

Mac12769's picture

Solved her constipation issue Lol

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TheIcon's picture

I had a girl in college come into a few bathrooms with me. First time she wanted to see me pee. Like ok sure. Any reason to pull my dick out in front of a girl was ok by me.

I also would always ask girls if i could pee between their legs. And then one girl took me up on the offer and I pussed out. Iconic FAIL. Looking back I should have done it and just missed adn sprayed her down.