PTSD and gear use (Combat Veteran)
I am a Marine Corps combat Veteran. Been out for a while and have been battling severe depression and having homicidal/suicidal thoughts. I love to use this aggression and negativity in my life to fuel some amazing workouts. I lost one of the best friends I ever had and seen scores of men get severely injured (including myself). I was told years ago that I would never be able to train again with my injuries and I was crushed, it was my only escape, the only thing I could do to express my rage without ending up in prison. At the time I was going through a nasty divorce in where I lost every penny that I saved up over the time of my enlistment (roughly 22k at 23 years old)
Recently I started training again very slowly, warming up a lot and stretching even more. Things were looking pretty good and I ended up putting on 50 pounds of muscle in my first year of hardcore natural training and lost a ton of stubborn belly fat. I became a certified trainer/nutritionist because I am knowledgeable and I love helping people reach their fitness goals. Seems like the only time I am happy and feel like my life has meaning is when I am helping someone at my job. Though when it is over the depression sets in again for some reason.
Making a very long story short I ended up doing a nice easy cycle of test enanthate for a few months and I felt amazing. Within a week my mood was greatly elevated, my happiness and motivation was contagious and was even rubbing off on my clients. I feel that I have always had sub par testosterone levels, that coupled with PTSD can be a nasty combo.
I am going to get some bloodwork done in the next month or so to see exactly where I stand at and am considering going on trt if the results come back stating that I have low test levels.
I have weighed the pros and cons of using testosterone vs. the commonly prescribed antidepressants and let me tell you that though both have negative side effects testosterone is the much safer route (if used responsibly) Plus it fits my lifestyle and fitness goals. That is why I joined this forum, while I may be very knowledgeable in the ways of fitness and nutrition I am still learning tons every day about cycling/blasting-cruising.
Is anyone else out there a combat Veteran dealing with these issues and has testosterone use saved your life? We need to stick together and be there for eachother in shitty times. Feel free to add me if you want to, would love to share any knowledge that I have, especially with a fellow Veteran. Thanks to anyone who took the time to read this. Feel free to add any "constructive' criticism.
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FoxTailHey Sir, thank you for your post.
I will leave you a link here that discusses PTSD and the reasons (brain injury related to IEDs etc.) behind it as well as the emerging hormonal treatment options that are becoming available. The reason why I am doing this is because you stress in your post how much better you felt after injecting testosterone. Mark Gordon, a great physician in my opinion, discusses this phenomenon in detail in the podcast, I hope it can point you in a direction that can help you "coming back". It is not a silver bullet that will solve all issues, however a little improvement goes a long way, right?
Here it is: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tbxPxFiOIKc
Thanks for the link brother. Def will listen
Hey brother, I know I'm a bit late stumbling across this post, but wanted to chime in. I too had a hard time with depression and anger issues when I got out, and moved back home. I have had no issues while running high levels of test, with the exception of drinking while on a cycle. I've since stopped using alcohol as it only brings out a part of me that I'd rather not let out. I was 11B, and served two combat deployments in afghan. First rotation was rough. Lost two good friends, and was injured myself. I think the one thing that has helped me out the most since getting out is going back to school. I'm challenged every day again, and surrounded by positive people who have the same motivation as myself. These kids at my university are really good people. I don't walk around advertising my service, but when they do find out, they always thank me for my service, and show a great amount of respect. It's been a refreshing experience for this 35 year old. Thank you for your service
Thank you for risking your life for the freedom of our beloved country brother. No one can imagine what goes on in the minds of a Veteran, lifting weights is really my only way to let out the stress and anger without ending up in jail and testosterone use for me has helped in ways that I would have never imagined!
Guys, pardon my ignorance, but I am not very familiar with U.S armed forces career and life style, but my family is all military, where I come from you go to military and you retire after many years or you are discharged only when you are disabled or passed away in combat or elsewhere, however when I read about U.S armed forces I read "when I got out" or "when I was done with my tours". Could you let me know what does that mean? if ppl get out after a number of tours, how do you end up having generals and admirals etc? if there is page that explains it may be I can read that.
Second questions is, how come law enforcement does not snatch up all the vets, who better than a person who is fully trained and is loyal and dedicated and clean, I would imagine, corruption among soldiers is next to none compared to police.
Again this is due to shear ignorance of U.S armed force career system and I thought I just ask you guys now that you are speaking of PTSD and life after the uniform.
Thanks for your service to maintain the freedom of all of us worldwide.
AnonI dont think I could be a cop, too much politics and bullshit these days. You make a split second decision when you feel your life is truly in danger and the media wants to crucify you for shooting someone. I know there are plenty of bullshit politics with the military as well, but the teams I operated in overseas made our own rules of engagement. If the media knew even half the shit that really went down during the early years of the war there would be a lot more of us sitting in prison.
I dont really give a fuck if it was an old man or a 5 year old girl pointing a weapon at me, im gonna take them down regardless. Maybe that seems cold or heartless, judge me all you want. I did what I had to do to keep myself and my soldiers safe, and I regret none of it. Until you are put in that situation nobody has any right to tell you if you were right or wrong. People just dont fucking get it...
Sorry about the rant, Im still working through my own shit I guess.
Look at the statistics, most homeless people in this country are Veterans. Also it is very hard to do 20 years in the Marines or other branches of the infantry. People that do 20 years are usually officers or administration mos's. Your body gets beat up really fast running 5-10 miles a day, going on 20+ mile humps with packs that weigh over 80 pounds on your back etc..Companies know that a Veteran will outwork even their best employee and make them all look like dirtbags, thus lowering company moral and causing stress within the workplace. I am dealing with this right now as we speak. You are right though, ignorance does play a major factor into a lot of this injustice, people also seem to think that if they talk down to us that we will come in one day and shoot up the place!
that is not always such a bad thing Doc... ;-)
AnonLol I like your style!!! I just smiled for the first time in ages... cheers friend.
AnonThey wouldnt pass the psyc test for law enforcement, ptsd is a severe mental health issue- he said homicidal and suicidal thoughts, also you sign for a certain term, so in my country you can sign for 2-4-6 years etc, some guys do it temporary for different reasons, could be a achievement, acomplishment, honor, patronage etc or some just do it for a job or dicipline or fitness, the guys who make careers out of it are the ones who move up ranks, I served for two years as a reserve and 2 years army, never deployed, although many friends are and have been. Thanks.
Give them a vote if you find it helpful.PermalinkHey brother I am battling the same demons everyday just like you, I just recently got medically separated last year at 100%, and was told I would never be able to train again, I have been slowly proving everyone wrong. Like you I am currently pursuing my certification as a CPT through NASM since I truly enjoy helping others succeed and reach their goals.
I was in the same situation upon my eas. Alot of drinking and self medication! ! I tried Psych pills and they made the situation worse. ..Honestly I was a mess until I met my wife (girlfriend at the time), I got into college using chapter33 post 911 G.i. I continued to push and surrounded myself with positive people. I've been good for years now..With the right woman and friends by your side you should be gtg. Anyway good luck And Semper Fidelis!! Ooh-rah ;)
Yuuuuuut!
Thanks for dropping in and I am glad you sorted out all of your problems. Kind of sad that so many Veterans are in need of help and very rarely will they get it. I too have been with my woman for over 12 years and while she has caused me many a headache, she has stood by me through some pretty nasty crap and I commend her for that. Semper Fi!
My wife peeled out asap after I eas'd said I belonged in the corps cause I'm effin crazy, woman have a way with words and ditching someone.
Thank you for your service. God bless
Thanks for supporting the troops and Veterans, it is appreciated.
I back your experience bro. im a Marine iraq combat vet, also WIA. when I did my first cycle my PTSD symptoms greatly improved, I would say it was far more drastic and beneficial than any rx they had given me. I was suprisdc becsuse I never expected it and even expected it to negatively impact from problems. however I must say when I pct'd my ptsd issues became greatly exuberated. but now after long long seasons of racing being on for long periods I just blast and cruise so I dont have that issue, however I woukd advise young vets with issues to be aware of how bad things can get during pct. semper fi
Yea pct sucks, half way through one now. Shit, the side effects of pct meds are almost as bad as antidepressants! Seems like all the pills out there cure one problem yet cause 10-15 others..ha and the media says steroids are bad...
I am curious, what theatre was your combat in?
I was in 3/7 "the cutting edge" we have been in and out of the middle east ever since the war started. Also been to Somalia, Africa in a humanitarian aid mission to protect the red cross delivering supplies.
Ooh rah 3/7.
What color is the roof of the chow hall at 3/7?
Right on. Is your out since date above a typo? We didn't invade Iraq until 2003. The 3/7 was in Somalia but that was 1995.
Not a typo, went to Kuwait/Saudi Arabia within a few months of me graduating from the school of infantry. We have been in and out of there for numerous reasons since the initial Gulf War. Most of the stuff you see in the media nowadays is all new to the military. They never use to announce every injury/death and deployment before Sept.11 and most missions would never be talked about outside of the units getting deployed. Not sure if you ever known someone who supported the red cross in any third world country but most of that goes unnoticed as well. They are always going to Africa to provide aid and usually need some attachment from the Rangers or Marines to provide protection. All we got were Meritorious Masts for all of our efforts there, no ribbons/medals!!
I've been dealing with similar issues. I have found that the gym is my sanctuary. I used to work out my problems on long runs but but injuries don't allow me to do that anymore. Now I lift heavy shit. It keeps me stable. Testosterone also gives me a sense of well being and keeps me in a good mood. I've found dbol does the same in moderate doses. I think you are on the right track. Just be careful with certain compounds that might make your mood worse. Starting an enhanced lifestyle has improved my life and I'm much happier since I started. Thank you for the sacrifices you've made for our country.
I am basically a psychology major so I can now handle my emotions towards other people very well even under the worst situations. My main issue really was depression and the feeling of being worthless. Kind of hard coming from a hardcore infantry unit (demolitions expert/urban warfare instructor) to living a normal life. Not too mention the stuff I have done/seen has put a weight on my soul only a Veteran can fully understand. Thanks for taking the time to voice your opinion brother, it is appreciated.
I used to discuss the effects of PTSD quite often with a member who is no longer with us. There is a lot of amazing research on how the brain reacts to trauma and some of it is linked to low testosterone. Most of the research is still anecdotal in nature but still tells a story of how testosterone can benefit those with PTSD. I can't discuss anything too personal but suffice it to say I have quite a bit of experience with veterans and active duty individuals some of whom have PTSD and some who do not. Anti depressants in some situations with people who have depression that is classified as more than moderate and severe can and do benefit from such medication however, it IS over prescribed and used as a crutch instead of allowing people time to move through depression on their own or assisted by qualified personnel. I am not a fan of medication and where it's use can be avoided I certainly advocate for the person to avoid it.
Thanks for your input, it means a lot. I too am disgusted with the whole medical situation in my country, it is why I opted to become a trainer /nutritionist instead of a nurse. All they do in the hospitals now is push drugs that suppress the symptoms while causing new problems that never existed before. Some of the side effects of these antidepressants make Trenbolone look like pez candy yet they prescribe it to young adults every day. When maybe all they need is trt. So far I have helped numerous people get off of insulin and they no longer have diabetes because of my help and assistance. Every time I have a client tell me a list of pharmaceuticals they are on the first thing I do is research what I can do to get them off of them ASAP. One of my closest buddies and first client was a 98 year old stroke survivor. Helped him get on his feet again and taught him how to eat right and the importance of yoga. The guy is my hero, we still talk all the time and he raves about me everywhere he goes.
I don't have any relevant experience, but I can say that if I was in your shoes I would make the same choice... I know anti-depressants work for a lot of people, my mother had severe depression throughout my childhood and they worked wonders for her as I grew up. But testosterone is more natural than antidepressants, it's a hormone that your body naturally produces, and you seem to respond quite well to it. If you find the right doc then it'll be easy to get a script for pharma grade testosterone, and you'll have a professional regularly evaluating levels of various hormones.
All my blood testing is done in private labs. So any prescriptions are going to be through myself. That is the main reason why I came off of my last cycle when I had intentions on just cruising until spring. I wanted to see where my natural test levels were. If they are low I am gonna just blast/cruise if they are normal or close to normal I will continue to cycle. Have not even been in a hospital in roughly ten years, maybe its a coincidence but I have not been sick for that long either! No flu shots no nothing. I do all my bloodwork privately that way I get exactly what I pay for with no mandatory extras.
I have PTSD from a different kind of trauma and am also a combat vet (technically, but I never saw combat). I'm also a chick, but living with PTSD presents many challenges. I would think mixing it with test would be fine though as you said coming off would be hard. I would hope you would avoid things like tren, being it's known to induce anger in "normal" people. I can only imagine what it might do to an unmedicated person with PTSD.
On another note, not all anti-depressants are bad. I've been on Effexor since 2007 and it's a life savor. I wish I could go without medication, my hat's off to you I don't know how you do it! The pile of pills in my cabinet is a tad embarrassing but ya gotta do what ya gotta do
I'm sure some of the guys will chime in, I know you where not looking for a girls 2 cents but ya got em anyway. Thank you for your service
Thanks for taking the time to express yourself. Many women suffer from ptsd for different reasons ie. Miscarriage/ rape so advice from a woman is still great in my opinion.
Thanks.
I hope you're squared away with the VA. If not I'm willing to help if I can, I'm damn near an expert at navigating the VA. And if you haven't all ready, join the wounded warrior project they do all kind of cool stuff
Take care
I am actually one of the first wounded warriors. When it was called recovered warriors. Was issued to me in 97. Thanks for helping out fellow Veterans it means a lot, we are great people who bust our asses to help others yet sadly when we need help no one is there for us..:(