I’m a different person but I’d like to give you my experience. I’ve got PTSD (took a while to get diagnosed) and lots of weird anxiety and depression issues. However training makes me happy. I don’t do large levels of gear but I am on several antidepressants. I am currently coming off one which has made me drip sweat all day regardless of weather, pulse elevated beyond 130 (I’m down to 30mg from 120mg) and my resting pulse is now 67. I have constantly had thoughts of suicide. No idea why. Wife is great, work isn’t great but ok, my daughter is now 6. Looking into it, it’s a common effect with some antidepressants to increase the risk of suicide AND in cases they implant the thought of suicide! I was never a risk for it, as I love my life, but it was a voice telling me it was the best thing I could do for my family. I don’t have this voice now and once they stop drugging me and treat me instead, I’ll be in a better state. Suicide is something I have knowledge about since a close friend returned home to find his dad on a chair with fatal shotgun wounds and a suicide not. My point is- There Is no knowing whether it was anything to do with steroids, and also if he was set on it l, whatever you said or did would have done little. Maybe delayed it. Do not blame yourself. This was his choice and whatever he had in his head wasn’t put there by you. By all means anyone who suspects this may be affecting someone, speak to the police or whoever is your local suicide support team. Do whatever you can, but in this case you need to forgive yourself and forgive your friend. God bless and stay strong brother.

As I understand your friend's feelings. However, I know that it is type on metal disorder. I had the same and I understand that it is very hard to venture to take medicaments. That's why I didn't want to ask the psychologist for help and decided to reseacrh this thread my myself. I have found a lot of positive reviews on kratom. It doesn't have sides effects, is totally legal and easy to order. But it is very important to order at reliable vendors. I have found a great list of such ones on eatmyshorts.org. Kratom really helped me to stabilize my mental health.

Unfortunately I’ve had a lot of friends do this to thereselves over the years. The drugs do have a significant impact especially if they have mental health issues to begin with. I speak from experience buddy.

I know this thread is 2 weeks old but I wanted to throw in my two cents. First of all, I am deeply saddened by your loss. I can't imagine what you must be going through right now. I've lost 2 close friends the past few months to drug overdoses and its insane how much we beat ourselves up over it. I am so glad you are reaching out for support. That's important. Don't suffer in silence. I myself had a suicide attempt 13 months ago. I didn't see a way out. I didn't have direction/purpose. And I was a hardcore drug addict. I can't say that I know completely what was going through his head when he did it, but I understand the feeling of wanting to end the pain. He didn't mean to hurt you. He was just so blinded by his own pain that he was unable to see the consequences of what he was about to do. I don't condemn him for it. None of us should. If he couldn't find his purpose during this life, I have absolute faith that he will find it in the next. AAS are no joke. I'm getting back on test for TRT reasons, but the minute it fucks with my sanity (if it does), best believe I'm getting off of it. Its just not worth the pain. Once again, I am sorry for your loss. I pray healing and peace upon you and yours. Be well and stay strong brother.

I was not logged in when reading your post about your friend and decided to log in and share my condolences and my experience with mental health and AAS. I am not as old or as experienced with just life experience as some of you are but I've still had some experience with this that I think others could relate to. Again, I am so sorry to hear about your friend. It's hard losing someone so close who's like a brother and who you train with every day. I think something that people miss is just being aware of how AAS is effecting them. Some people who already have anxiety, depression, etc don't even realize that the compounds are effecting them and amplifying these already existing and most likely hereditary character traits. So awareness is huge and I learned that early and for that I am thankful. With AAS everyone is trying to achieve a certain look or physique but everyone goes off of what they can see and how it is effecting them physically. A lot of people don't look at how it's effecting them mentally because they aren't aware of it. However, these compounds do cause neurotransmitters and receptors to be fried after awhile of use and certain chemical balances become deficient. I came off of things and did a proper PCT and took L-Tyrosine, 5-HTP, and other vitamins and herbs to help with adrenal restore. I have never felt better to be honest. My energy levels are good again and I'm more productive than ever. I honestly debate going back on again because of the anxiety and all of these other issues that it gave me. You feel like superman in the gym while you're on, yes. But to what extent is it worth it? Some of us don't even compete and you just have to ask yourself when is it enough or for what? I think at the end of the day it all comes down to awareness with yourself.

Very sorry my friend and I pray for you to find peace.

Sorry for your loss. Major Depressive Disorder is The leading cause of disability in the U.S. for ages 15 to 44.3. MDD affects more than 16.1 million American adults, or about 6.7%of the U.S. population age 18 and older in a given year. Anxiety disorders are the most common mental illness in the U.S., affecting 40 million adults in the United States age 18 and older, or 18.1% of the population every year. Nearly one-half of those diagnosed with depression are also diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. Problems with anxiety and depression are common. It's not your fault. It's Statically significant problem in today's society. My prayers go out to friends and family

Condolences. Prayers to the family and friends. AAS will amplify existing behaviors. If your already an asshole, you will be a bigger asshole on gear. Ups and downs will be more dramatic. Everything can appear good on the outside but it doesn’t mean it is in our souls. Most folks are always looking for more. Success, money, possessions, fame, social attention , muscles, looks, etc... For some finding balance is much easier then others. For others not so much. Learning to be comfortable in our own skin and accepting who we are is truly a battle for some that will ultimately year us part.

sorry for ur loss bro, pretty sure that left a deep mark, the thing is it's called depression lots of people diagnosed with it has also nothing to do with steroids

Some of the most successful people in their industries committed suicide in the past year, Kate Spade, Anthony Bourdain, Chris Cornell. It doesn't have a correlation with success and can hit anyone anywhere.

Really sorry for your loss, bro. Don't beat yourself up over it, I'm sure he didn't see it coming either and he wouldn't want that for you anyway.

Sorry for your loss. I couldn't ever imagine life being that bad. It must have been terrible for him to feel so low. Hopefully this tragedy will make you realize how precious life is and take time to say and do the things with the people you love.

Im so sorry to hear that it’s really hurt but don’t you ever blame yourself for that he did what he want it to do it’s not your fault or you could’ve stopped him don’t let that feeling get into you

Damn bro, I just read this and hate to hear you're going through it. I've lost 2 of my closest friends to suicide. It's no way to go. I'll be honest, it took me years to heal each time because these men truly were my best friends. I can promise you that it does get easier to deal with in time. The way I look at it now is that they were selfish in that moment and made a decision that they can never take back. I bet they would if they could. I'm so sorry to hear of your loss and I'm here if you need a friend.

If you realy know your friend and his troubled mind, maybe you can understand what he was thinking. Because in some way it is possible he did not see any future for him, without any positivity or meaning. So he did not have the courage or could find any reason for him to live his life to the end. This is very individual.

It is very hard for someone who doesn't have this feelings to understand what's going on in someone's head. The only way you know life is worth living or not is to see it through. And when your old and grey say to yourself damn it, for me it wasn't worth it.

I would recommend someone who struggles with this thoughts to read Viktor Frankl: meaning of life

I understand you want a opinion about roids and suicide or mental instability. I think some guys are more sensitive when on roids in all kinds of ways. Some are idiots and become bigger idiots on roids. Some have a natural sensitivity to depression or insecurity and roids dont make this worse when your using or on high dosis . But cruising or going off is making you unstable. Look at woman an pregnancy. When hormones go up of down fast there can be mental side effects. But you have to keep your mind clear and think is all part of the process. These feelings are temporary. This is also a part of being a bodybuilder, pct many underestimated this and only see the benefits of roids. Never look in to how to get off and do it the right way. So it's not the roids , but the person who uses them.

Sorry to hear this man, this is always very sad especially when young people go. Feeling sorry for his family even more, they are the ones that are going to suffer the most

I'm so sorry for your loss, my sincere condolences. It is not your fault at all and what Rusty wrote, we will never fully understand others actions is so true. Keep your head up and again I'm so sorry for your loss. Thanks for raising awareness to this serious topic. Take care of yourself my brother

Damn dude. Sorry to hear this man. Def a trying time for you. Mourn for sure. But don’t let this keep you down man. You’ll have that what if in the back of your head for life man. But this is not your fault at all. You will make it thru this man. Mourn. Cry. Yell. Scream. Get it all out, but don’t let it turn to self blame. Once again man. Hang in there. Sorry for your loss

You aren't to blame. Some people are not meant to take GEAR; it just makes them emotionally unstable; especially Tren! Condolences!

Sorry for your loss... don’t beat your self up, it’s going to be difficult but get back on your horse and watch him continue on threw his kids and be there for them.

It’s ok to Feel the loss and it’s also ok to seek a professional for therapy. Best decision I ever made, I’ll never be the same.

I am sorry; my sincerest condolences. It is not your fault. Thank you for putting this out there and raising awareness about this