Start doing what you did to get from 300 down to 188 again. Get in the gym..eat good...get your rest and i would bet in 2 to 3 weeks time u will be feeling great again...just go get after it...u know what u want.....

our success and failures in life depend a great deal on our habits, consciously make an effort daily to access that you're not bound to those bad habits, and gravitate to people who build you up and inspire you. depression is very real and very painful, Xience had said below that if this was a other board or community that they would have flamed you, this exactly the type of people you don't want speaking into your life, this is all the more reason why I'm proud to be a member here and it confirms that you are in the right place with the right people willing to help. how about an update, did you get that job?

for real . ive been down this road multiple times. seriously get rid or limit contact to your "party" friends. they'll only bring you down and use you when convenient. was doing an 8 ball of coke every week in two days time just last year for about three months and drinking. a shit ton. i got rid of those friends (just stopped hanging around them) and did more stuff outside and focused on real issues at hand. start doing things you like to do and doing things youve thought about doing , but maybe never have cause you were too fucked up to do anything that day. you're your own vessel. move forward and make changes ..as cheesy as that sounds..

Lots of good advice here already. I will simply add the advice my grandma always gave me growing up... Surround yourself with people you want to be like or admire and you will be there too.

Hey Lift Heavy. Thanks for posting this and I'm sorry to hear about your struggles. I'll keep this short. I battled addiction for 15+ years. As my addiction progressed, so did my depression. In 2008 I got sober and things started looking up. I got in great physical shape and was feeling great. Here's a pic from 2008 (couldn't post it here because I didn't use a listed eroids source).

https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/89178484/torso.jpg

But working out was just a crutch for me -- I didn't have a good spiritual program and I hadn't addressed the core underlying issue, which was accepting myself for being me. Two months after this photo was taken, I was smoking rock and 5 years of agonizing addiction and depression ensued.
I'm about a year and a half sober now. For me, working out is now secondary to my spiritual program and psychological well-being. I'm now back in good form, 6 post haste. But you know what? This will be gone in a heartbeat if I lose track of the bigger picture.

Lots of good info below, and hardbodygirl hits on what I think are really important points to sustained happiness.
Peace and all the best, bro. Feel free to FR me.

Bro. Please FR and PM me. I've been sober many years. You CAN talk to me. Anytime bro.

Hey bro, sorry about your situation, trust me I have been there. One time I took tren and test and didn't pct and when I tell you I felt like death, I didn't want to live anymore ect. You have to stop the drinking, I'm sure you know already. Try to get back into the swing of things in the gym. If all else fails, check yourself into a hospital for depression. Depression isn't something to take lightly, get up and get help NOW! Godspeed! Pm me if you need so. Oh and like they stated below, get blood test asap!

You have a post that says you were running just epistane this past november with out test. Your hormones are certainly out of whack at this point. Your abuse of alcohol only reinforces the depressed feelings and the continuance of having your system out of order. Going on cycle at this point will only further put you in the hole and when you come off you will feel worse than ever. You need to listen to these guys and get your head right so to speak one moment at a time. It starts with one thing ... maybe it is hanging up your jacket or making your bed, or picking the coffee cup off the floor. There is no tomorrow there is only today. Waiting for tomorrow only prolongs the agony. Make a plan, get yourself a schedule. Find a purpose in life.

Make a decision and go with it, depression is fueled by things like alcohol and binge eating. Stay focused, get your diet right and train intensely toward your goals. Otherwise you'll just be another one of those, wishing they would done something different. You're better than that. Get your mind right and puch every day in the fucking face. No excuses.

There's a video on You Tube called "Life and overcoming Depression"...it features Adam Carolla and the basic premise of the video is "SNAP THE FUCK OUT OF IT AND WAKE UP"..... lol I know it seems simple, but listen to what these guys are saying---has done more to motivate me than any self-help book from Barnes and Noble.
No better "Get-off-your-ass" video than this one.

Did you drink during pct or shortly after? Worst possible thing you could do.. youre just not going to recover your natty test like you need until you drop alcohol for a while.. get bloods like everyone is saying.. you might need to hit another pct minus the alcohol.. be straight with your friends and tellem you cant be around alcohol and if theyre not getting it then droppem til they do.. at least for now... find different hobbies to replace the bad.. something you can do with friends as well.. afterall alcohol is a social animal.. or else youll find yourself sitting around bored in your free time or out with friends and then those cravings hit.. im messing around with cinnamon.. it seems to really effect fat storage.. might be something for you to dabble with while youre sorting the rest of this out and waiting on blood work.. its cheap and it works.

Im not sure if your familiar with NA or AA. It might sound stupid but it saves lives. You said you have no one to talk to, so get your ass to a meeting and introduce yourself. You will have people to talk to and care about you. The fact is the drinking isnt gonna magically stop, your gonna need to take action brother.

Brother, you have all the answers... quit drinking and distance yourself from the "friends" that are dragging you down. You mention depression, are you thinking of doing harm to yourself? If so, find a qualified professional to help. Do you have days that you feel everything is fine and you can take on the world? If so, find a qualified professional.

You clearly have will and dedication to change your life, you did it once before. But you also have some demons, which your drinking and friends seem to be feeding. hit the gym, meet some like minded friends, and slay your demons.

hey brother! dont give up the fight.. when you are down get yourself back up and come out swinging...alcohol makes depression worse, give it up until you have the right mind set.. i recommend you start hitting the gym up start dieting down once you are back..do blood work you might have low test or high estrogen.. when you know where you are at then you can start to plan the next cycle... you also might want to go to a doctor or psychiatrist depression is nothing to play with... good luck

what are you doing for PCT?

Here's a good read Brutha. Depression is nothing to mess with:

http://www.eroids.com/pics/my-30-year-journey-from-past-to-present-by-mo...