THIS IS NOT A FUCKING JOKE/ USING DRUGS/ ABOUT TO LOOSE EVERYTHING IMPORTANT 2 ME
This week has been hell. This really is a non steroid related story but more of a personal one because I know there are a lot of Eroids members who have had drug problems and problems with the law. This weekend was my birthday and my ex girlfriend surprised me and drove 100 miles to come and see me, she actually woke me up because I was sleeping on Saturday. Well to give everyone a little back round on JohnnyBlack aka Yanowman, I have been a opiate addict since I have been about 14, and became a heroin addict after that. I had been clean since 4/20/10. My ex girlfriend and the love of my life, has had drugs involved in her life her whole life but in another way. Her sister was a meth addict. Her sister was a meth addict since the age of 12, she died at the sad young age of 16 .She had taken her moms car out because she got into a fight with her boyfriend and got drunk and drove around to blow off some steam. There is a hill where we all used to live, with a long straight away, lets call my ex girlfriends sister Sarah, Sarah sped so fast, that when her car hit a tree, parts of her moms car was found over a mile away. Sarah died instantly, she was decapitated and her body was thrown out of the car. My ex girlfriend was 14 at the time.
For some reason me and my ex met and had a great great relationship, up until my heroin addiction kicked in full steam and robbed her of our love and our trust….
This is the topic I am posting about.
My ex visited me for my birthday, and we really didn’t no what we wanted to do for my birthday and for some terrible reason we decided we wanted to get a little blow as a birthday celebration. Well buying two grams turned into buying a 8 ball later and she did maybe 1.5 grams and I did all the rest because I’m the addict. It has truly fucked up everything ive been working on until this point. Now I’m a heroin addict, the second I touch a opiate its game over, I turn into a monster. But cocaine, ecstasy, those are different, the day after I’m not instantly a monster. Anyways, the day after she left, I sold my laptop I used for school ($1400) and got a ¼ ounce of blow. I’ve been doing coke and benzos for 4 days now, completely forgetting to take my AI;s and really fucking up my work and school, and most importantly relationship. I really don’t know what to do. And to be honest, still have 2 grams at home and I dont know what to do. I know if I still do coke eventually I will do heroin and I will loose EVERYTHING again.. I’m really in a bad place and I don’t know where else to turn, meetings have never been my place. The only person I blame is myself…. I don’t know what else to say…..
I feel like I’m about to go back down the dark dark path of lying, loosing everyone, everything ive worked for the past years. My job, my education, my saleen, my trust, my family, they WILL all leave AGAIN if i go down the wrong path again this I know….
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I hope this guy is ok. He hasnt say much since he posted this thread. If you reading this, well all here for you brother !!!
People, Places, and Things brother. I'm glad you can admit that it is your fault, most addicts blame their addictions on some person or reason that has affected them negatively in their life. Flush the blow down the toilet, get your laptop back (if you can), this girl is your EX girlfriend, and probably for good reason, it seems as if she was involved in a different chapter in your life. You may want to consider not talking to her anymore. You SEEM like you want help, and that's a great thing. You've stated only some things that drugs are fucking up in your life; your AI's, school, work, but I'm sure there's more to it. I'm an opiate/heroin addict, and have been clean since October 2010. I know the destructive forces at work behind drug abuse. If there's anything else you want to get off your chest or any other help you need add me as a friend and PM me. I'm on my way to obtaining my CADC (alcohol and drug counselor) so I would like to help you.
it sounds like you already know what to do...so you are in a better spot than most addicts...get rid of the girl, doesn't sound like a healthy relationship and hang out with your non using friends, which i assume you have...if you dont hit up some meetings bro...and be thankful you dont have to go through an opiate detox
JohnnyBlackalive...
Good to hear, keep it that way!
good stuff man, dont let drugs destroy , it would be ashame
lets keep it that way brutha
and healthy:)
good to hear it.
1jakd_hipyWell that's good! All the cokes gone huh?
AnonDon't blame drugs, you have an addictive personality.
lol his probably partying it up in vegas atm
Help is only a phone call away, The hardest part is making the call and getting the help. The people there have been down that road so they understand. But DON'T do it for other people, do it for YOU! Drugs make people selfish, so why not be selfish while not on drugs and get back to the days when just waking up felt good! Those days are still there bro...you just have to find yourself again! Spin the wheels on that Saleen and get back on track................
CleyonJB, I feel a lot of concern for you in this thread. I think everyone wishes you would check in and tell us what's up. Good or bad.
The thing I want to say to you is, don't give up! You made a mistake, you took a step back, but that doesn't mean you have to hit rock bottom again. I agree with ED, get on your knees and ask for help. It doesn't matter if you believe in God, you pray because you realize that you don't have the power to do this by yourself. Don't let it control your life again. Don't try to sell it to get some money back, it's a loss. The longer you keep it around the more it will call to you. Hollywood is right, the disease is about addiction not a specific substance.
can give u my address if u really dont want it anymore.. consider it me doing u a favour for nothing lol.
I feel for you man. All I can say to you is MAN the fuck up and flush that shit down the toilet!!! You don't need drugs my man. Take your ass to the gym every time you start getting the craving! I dont want to come off as an ass hole but I will never understand why people want to get high! There is so much more you could be doing with your time and money. One more thing get rid of anyone in your life that is down to drugs brutha if you aren't around it you won't be tempted!!
Grow up my man. the fact that you were just sober for 2 years then decided to buy blow makes u an idiot. GROW UP.
You're saying you don't know what to do. Truth is you know exactly what you need to do! Are you doing it? I hope you didn't stop replying because you dipped into the rest if that garbage. As stated below by guys who have been there, YOU ARE ALREADY ON THE ROAD! Jump out of the damn car! I hope you're making the right choices. You were smart enough to recognize it and reach out. Now ACT!!
Johnny since you havent responded, Im assuming you cracked the bags open and are probably talking someone's head off. Do you feel embarrased? you should. Theres no easy way to do this. You will have to man up, stop using, and feel like shit for a day or two or maybe three. Than you will be back on the path again to bettering your life. Considering that youve been through worse, you should have the confidence to get though this. Dont go home. Sleep at your girls house or something. Than go back into that house WITH a friend, and destroy the coke, and clean the shit out of your house.
flush that dirty girl thru the toilet, leave your house or apt and go stay with someone positive that you can tell the current situation you're going thru. or get your ass to a meeting. GET OUT OF YOUR PLACE RIGHT NOW !!!!!
Think about this bro.... What makes you feel worse, getting high and feeling like a piece of shit or being successful and wishing you were high? Decide which one you want to be and go for it. It's impossible to do it on your own. Stay busy talk to friends and family. Was an h addict for five years. On oct 26 of this year was my third year sober. So I know what your going thru. Good luck.
Dude i am an addict as well, recovering addict, and i wont sugar cote this bc no one sugar coted it for me....not ur place or not take ur ass to a meeting and tell everyone whats goin one ....the disease of addiction is cunning and its telling u that coke and x are ok as long as u dont do heroin..fact is its the same thing drug is a drug is a drug.... It will rob u of everything materialistic and everything you love ...and trust me from expirence if ur not doin heroin now if u keep up on this path u will!!!!!
testaholicx2 from a fellow junkie.
AnonFlush it, give it away , whatever get rid of it. Go to the hospital and come down off your current "run"
biggerthanyouHey ppl lets keep johnny in our thoughts and prayers, we addicts know how low we can get in the midst of a relapse especially after having a substantial amount of clean time. JohnnyBlack get ur ass to a meeting and save your life.
Please come back on here and let us know everything is ok. I know where you're coming from and I'm sincerely worried
You might not want to hear this right now but you need to have a serious talk with your girlfriend. With your past you don't need someone that is going to get you started. The only reason I mentioned this is because that's the way I stopped my coke addiction. I got away from everyone that I use to do it with and my girl helped me a lot. I feel you on that meeting shit. I walked in one of those and walked right the fuck back out. What made me stop was one day I bleed so much out of my nose that I said if I continue this I will surely die. I've been sober for about 5 years now but I almost slipped up on my bday a month ago hanging out with a good friend that also use to do the same. Luckily the dealer was out and we couldn't get any. I was real lucky but still disappointed that I almost threw 5 yrs of wrk down the drain. You need positive people around you and know that if you make the wrong decision you'll be flushing ur life down the toilet.
flush that shit down the toilet and start taking them AIS again
Bro i have done meth coke X everything but heroien and nothing has ever givin me the feeling of gotta have it until i got hooked on zanex i know everbody is diff but my body constantly craved it and bro the only way to get unhooked from it for me was to quit cold turkey suffer threw the DTs and even so far as to stop hangn with my freinds that did any kind of drug its a brutal process to go from snortn 20 and eatn 10 blue footballs a day i lost everything during this part of my life for sum reason i was allergic to them lil bastereds id breakout in handcuffs! I lost my gurl at tha time my family didnt want nothing to do with me and i lost my free ride through electrician school and things wont change till u really wont them to and put ur 100% into it flush that shit bro and get ur life back on track y u still can u will never relize what u lost until u can never get it back
I was a heroin addict for years, so I know what your going through. Flush that shit down the toilet bro. It always starts harmlessly enough, but it never ends well. Remember how hard you've worked to stay clean, don't throw it all away.
Hey brother. You've worked too damn hard to throw it all away. Flush that shit. Go to the gym, work it out of you, and then go home get down on your knees and ask God to help you get past this.
You've got too much going for you than to be dead.
Don't be a dumbass brother. Think about the shitty times before. They will get shittier on this road.
Brother, you're major mistake is believing that being an addict has anything to do with drugs and that if you turn to heroin then game over. The disease of addiction is spiritual in nature and the nature of the addict wants to fix a spiritual problem by a physical and/or emotional means. GET TO A FKN MTG BRO! You are already caught up in delusion if think you are about to go back down that dark dark path, YOU ARE ALREADY ON IT!
I DON'T CARE IF MTGS HAVE NEVER BEEN YOUR PLACE, ITS THE PLACE PPL LIKE US GO TO SAVE OUR LIVES!
Exactly!
1jakd_hipyBro, I completely feel for you but this is a blessing in disguise. You know you have a problem and its time to kick it the fuck out of your life. Only YOU can put an end to this and you obviously want it, go home flush that shit down the toilet. Think of someone you've lost or even someone alive who means a lot to you and think if what they would want for you. My dad died when I was 17 and I've always used him to turn myself away from the wrong path. YOU CAN DO THIS. Not to mention you've got all the support in the world here and I've found nothing helps me better than talking to a complete faceless stranger. Make the decision to make your life better from here on out. You were already doing well and us addicts always have setbacks, it's in our personalities which is a beautiful thing in positive activities but awful in negative. But what I've also found with those of us with addictive personalities is that we're extremely strong willed and when we want something we get it. You have to want to put an end to this NOW. If you wanna talk in PM hit me up
Anonits all on you your going to have to be strong and just stop. I was addicted to coke cuz I sold it and I just stopped cold turk cuz its no good so u got to just stop yourself and remember ur stronger than the drug
Hey man I'm the same way, but I find with coke it's easier to stop but don't think it's different it has it's similar darkside to it like h and we can't be fucking with those no more. I only fiend it if it's around or I already did a line. Sell the rest just get rid of it, just think back of how miserable it was being a addict. It just takes everything good out of you. It fucking sucks. I had my fall off and started using again in the summer ended up oding. If I made it to the hospital a few mins later I would be dead right now, I was blue...anyways that's a whole other story. You just got realize what these substances are doing to you. Sure they make you feel okay for a bit but it doesn't last for ever. PM if you need someone to talk to bro.
that bag is going to keep calling you, you gotta get rid of it. trust me, you will end up doing it if you dont flush it, sell it, give it away, anything as long as it isnt in your possession. i know this bc if it was me those 2 grams would have already been up my nose, i wouldnt have left home till it was gone. its not worth it! house is right, you gotta remember how bad it is. ask yourself if its worth going down that road again...we all know the answer, no!
You do know what to do flush that shit. We all f@ck up the worst part is the guilt that makes us say f@ck it I should just keep going because I have already ruined everything. You have to look at where you were a few days ago and forget the mistakes and guilt and put yourself back on the road you busted your ass for. I hope for the best for you!
Bro it seems like you know what to do I would flush it and get back on track before you lose every thing like you said. if you need any one to talk to to get you through this I am here and I am sure a lot of the other guys on here will be here for you to
Flush it.I got 8 yrs clean and we cant do drugs.I loved heroin and would never wanna go back down that path.It seems we were one and the same bro dont ever forget how bad it was.
Your obviously not stupid, you will do the right thing.
YOU WILL NOT FUCK UP, YOU WILL NOT FUCK UP COZ YOU ARE TOO SMART, YOU WILL MAKE IT!!!!
Bro dont think about it and just flush that shit, u dont need that, u have been clean for years now, and have been bettering ur life, body and mind. Honestly black, just throw it away
Bro dont think about it and just flush that shit, u dont need that, u have been clean for years now, and have been bettering ur life, body and mind. Honestly black, just throw it away