+ 3 Help me, Help my wife!
Well, my wife has been on a long road of some emotional issues, PCOS and a lot of weight gain over the years. She is having a really hard time right now, especially trying to get her health in check. It's very hard to watch and honestly, to handle at times. I love her very much and will stand by her side no matter what weight, no matter what problems. I just want to help her get through this.
I have tried to motivate her, I have tried to give her advice. I have tried to guide her. I have tried to let her do her own thing. Today I made a final attempt to see if she would respond and her attitude seemed great. Basically, I told her I will prepare her meals for the day/week until she gets a grip on what she is doing, but she has to commit to eating them. ALL OF THEM. I told her they are going to be bland, they are not going to be crap filled with all kinds of flavor but this is a sacrifice she needs to make to begin her path to weight loss and more importantly, health. I told her she has to commit a MINIMUM of 4 days a week of gym time which includes weight training. No fluffy bike ride for 20 minutes. I want blood sweat and tears!!! She was receptive to everything I laid on her.
We have a family vacation planned in 4 months. She wants to lose 50 lbs. I told her we will push for a goal of 30 lbs. Given where she is right now, I think that is very do-able. I will quietly try to guide her to more loss but I don't want her getting down too early. I've set a goal of 10 lbs per month knowing the first month she will lose more than 10lbs EASY.
So, I can lay out a very basic diet for her but I'm looking for ladies input, maybe even with the PCOS for some meal ideas. I was basically thinking low carb, low calorie, high protien. without laying out the time slots, here are the basics I was thinking (nice and simple)
Meal Replacement shake twice a day (lean body for women by labrada)
Chicken/Turkey/Fish with veggies/salads twice a day
Egg whites/Cottage cheese/banana for breakfast
cottage cheese, tuna, almonds/nuts and fruit for snacks between meals (fruit in the day time)
As she settles in, her diet can get a bit more complex but for now, simplicity is the goal so as not to overwhelm her with the tasks at hand.
If any women or guy would like to help out. Please feel free to FR me/PM me or lay it out here. I just want to help my wife get better. I'll do whatever it takes. Sadly, she is considered obese. When I met her, she had an INCREDIBLE body. A very stark contrast and just proof of what hard times/depression/lack of self worth with due to someone over the years. I'm confident that once she gets on the right path, settles in for a month or so and starts seeing results, she will take it on with a passion. I was in her shoes. I changed my life around and found a passion here. I hoped all along she would follow in my path but it just hasn't happened. It's her turn now. For our daughter, for us and most of all, FOR HER!!!!!!!!!
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I recommend phentermine assuming her medical history- BP, etc are OK. If her starting BMI is >30 you can reasonably expect losing 20lbs and 2" from the waist the first month using the drug. There is nothing more effective in curbing appetite so she can learn to eat smaller portions of the right meals, and the energy burst the drug gives should boost her mood and help her beginning workouts to be productive.
When i was doing personal training i realized quickly that my very overweight clients didnt need a trainer they needed a therapist....its very obvious that yr wife is depressed and she should see a therapist a good one at that....i feel for her and you and i can feel how much you wanna help her and save her. saldy there is only so much you can do, which is why i think it would help greatly if she found a way to mentally deal with what got her here in the first place and its best if she work this out on her own in a place she can feel safe expressing her feelings ALL her feelings.....as far as yr role be careful that yr not being codependant and enabling her bec this will only be counter productive....
maybe you can start by taking a power walk with her everyday and then cook yr next meal together....obviously you know what to eat but it seems to me makin everything for her isnt really helping her so getting her to join in with you forces her to take responsibility without her fully relying on you....
im sure she does want this somewhere deep in herself but shes gotta find that place within and bring it to the surface and get fed up and tired of her life like this and get angry and fight!
I agree 100%. She is in therapy. She is on anti depressants. For whatever reason she just seems to give up too easy. I personally think she needs to see someone about an eating disorder. The first sign of trouble she wants to turn to food. aka. emotional eating.
Having said that, it's been 2 weeks. I have helped her with what to eat but to be honest, without her even realizing it, she has done a lot of the work herself. She has dropped 7 lbs without even going to the gym. She absolutely needs to go to the gym but I told her to focus on the diet first, work in the gym slowly. That starts this week.
She had a setback yesterday. She's having a real hard time sleeping. She is meeting with a doc about sleep apnea at the end of the month so hopefully that helps. The setback was she was having a real craving for something other than the stuff she has been eating. A cheat meal basically. I told her, just do it. Get it out of your system and get back on track. As time goes on, speaking from experience, those uncontrollable cravings will get easier. I've been there, I still battle it at times. We all do. I believe in cheat meals just for the sake of sanity!!!
As for your last statement. So true. I hope that time is now!!! So far, I'm very proud of her!
Maybe downloading a calorie counter too on her phone may help. I like looking at motivational quotes and fitness sites with bodies I want to have. That seems to motivate me to work harder.
but I say chicken n rice..chicken n rice
also some folks try the no carbs after 2 thing
She has myfitnesspal but she can't even stick with that. I'm going to do it for her on my own ;)
I was thinking of doing the no carb after 2, but work her way into it. I don't want to send her on a crash course right away. Either way, she is going to be in for a body shock when she see's how much effort staying consistent is and making sure you always have a meal with you or some source of nutrition/protien.
She needs to be willing n determined in order for any drastic changes. You cant do all the work for her though. Good luck to you guys. Just keep encouraging her.
well brother this is complicated situation.. just keep it simple and encourage her and praise her and tell her how good she is doing. then once she starts to see improvement she will hopefully get even more motivated on her own.. I applaud you bro for trying to really help her!!!! but don't push to hard because she might push back, wish u two good luck
Thanks. I've realized pushing does nothing for her so I'm just going to try to keep it simple and exactly like you said. I'm hoping by me taking on the meals and her focusing on her training, once she starts seeing results she will see that it's not useless and push harder. I know she wants it. She just doesn't know how to go after it. She has never truly given a real diet a chance over a period of months. I am so confident this will work but it's easy for me to say. I'm a guy. I've been through it. All I seem to here is its harder for women to lose weight. Whether it's true I will never know that's why I'm looking for women's input that have been there done that.
check out the Dukan diet .. it isn't that difficult and somewhat resembles a precomp diet in that it is ketogenic.. cuts out ALL sugars and anything that might even remotely look like a simple carb. She won't be hungry and if she is she can cheat with stuff like nuts.. and even the random piece of fruit .. (after the first five days) ... the fat will come off very quickly if she even tries to do it ..
You sound like a great man keep supporting her. Obviously this will not be easy but stay with her be her strength and dont give up on each other
Thank you. I will not quit on her... Ever. I grew up watching my dad care for my sick mother for a long time. I guess I learned that value from him.
Have you looked into a product called METFORMIN it canbe used to treat women who have PCOS to reduce insulin levels and promote normal ovarian function
She was on it for a while but since switched to birth control. The metformin wasn't helping much. She was given phentermine at one point and then switched to qsymia. Both were two harsh on her. The phentermine made her a jittery mess and the qsymia made her a lunatic angry women. An endo was giving her these. She is also going to be checked for sleep apnea soon. She was on spirolactin also. Birth control regulates her the best so far.
I have heard good stories of YAZ working well for a period of time
I am going to try to get my wife, jFit, on here. She was 200lbs as a teen and you can see her pics now. She would be a great help. She is just so darn busy with kids. Then when I get home she goes to teach her exercise classes. She has motivated and turned a lot of people around. She's great at it.
Thanks. Any advice would be helpful.
What you have described could have easily been my sister-in-law. She was average weight and then changed jobs to a high stress position, (travel, meetings) and the pounds piled on. She then began a new career as a stay-at-home mom, which made matters worse as she was able to snack whenever she wanted. She tried diets, and would yo-yo up and down. Finally my brother in law did as you propose, and took over grocery shopping and meal prep. It was actually a big help for her, and she adhered to the plan. (I believe at one point, she was having some problems and her doctor stepped in and prescribed some appetite suppressants for a month or so to help her over the transition.) But the good news is she went from 200+ to around 140 and looks and feels great. She has found real satisfaction from regular exercise; works out at the gym and does 5k's for fun.
Best of luck with this brother, and I hope it brings you both closer.